Page 132 of Breathe Again

We slept for the next four hours and woke in the same position we fell. I found myself unable to look him in the face, a heavy mantle of shame covered me.

He stroked my hip. “I’m so glad you’re home.”

I nodded into his chest. God, I loved him so much. I loved his feel, his smell, his voice, his hands, his mind, his heart, his strength. I breathed him in, couldn’t resist rubbing my cheek on the hair covering his wide chest, then rolled away from him to get ready for the day.

We were sitting quietly having coffee when Olivia finally wandered out of her room, headphones already on, bag of happiness in hand. Sirius followed in her wake.

“Good morning, little bird.”

She smiled. “Hi, Mommy.”

I was busy assessing her, looking for cracks in the norm, but she seemed okay. The next few days would tell.

“You’re off today, Daddy?”

Zale’s smooth, mellow voice drifted over me like a sun-warmed wave. I wanted to bask in his warmth. His next words surprised me.

“I’m off for the next two weeks, Livvy.”

I looked up and he laughed. “You two look like mirror images of each other.”

I turned to look at Olivia and saw her looking at Zale with the same expression as I was feeling. I laughed. She gave her dad a hug, which was a rarity, grabbed her cereal and went to the sunroom to eat as usual. I turned to Zale.

“Why? How are you off?”

He looked at me steadily. “I took a short leave.”

It hit me again, the weight of me, an anchor around his neck. I looked down. “I see.”

“Do you?” he asked.

“Do I what?”

“Do you see?”

“Yes. You needed to take time to get your crackpot wife up and moving again.”

His eyebrows shadowed his eyes, but he answered evenly. “No, I took time off to take care of the person I love most in this world because when she needed me I wasn’t there, and I’m going to make sure I am this time.”

I nodded. Truthfully, I needed extra support to get on my feet, and him leaving me to fend off my mother, look after Olivia, and get back to work, would be negligent parenting on his part. I had to get back on my feet quickly.

“What are you thinking?”

Now, there was a question he’d never asked me before so I answered as eloquently as I could. “What?”

His serious brown eyes met mine. “What are you thinking? About me taking time off to care for you because I love you.”

I turned my thoughts over in my head, wondering what parts to share, how to reframe them into something that would appease him, something that wouldn’t hurt or offend him.

“Answer honestly, Mara, don’t sugarcoat anything. This can be a new beginning for us, a chance to build something stronger. Please,” he paused and reached for my hand across the table, “let me in.”

Tears sprung to my eyes, again, I was sick of crying, I whispered a warning, “It’s dark in here.”

“Then, let me in,” he stressed, “I don’t want you to sit in the dark by yourself.”

I was quiet for a moment before giving it to him. “I’m thinking that you’re a good dad, making sure Olivia’s mom is okay before leaving me to it. I’m thinking I better get back on my feet quickly because I’ve been too much of a burden already.”

He sat back in his chair and looked at me thoughtfully. “It’s almost like you didn’t hear a word I said. I said nothing about Olivia, although of course she factors. I said, ‘I love you, more than anything else in the world’. I said, ‘I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, and that would not continue’. How do you get from that to thinking I'm looking after Olivia and you’re a burden?”

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