Page 135 of Breathe Again

“You thought the problem was all me, well, I thought the problem was all you.” He looked at her and saw her nod resignedly. “We were both wrong.”

Her eyes flew to his, a tiny spark of hope there, and he continued.

“We both have things we need to work on, not just you. One thing I don’t need to work on is loving you, that comes easy. That doesn’t mean I don’t have stuff. I tend to pull away when I get stressed, and I pull away from you when you’re distressed. That’s probably the worst thing I can do to you.”

Her pretty face crumpled, and she wasn’t a pretty crier. He opened his arms and she burrowed in. He held her through the sobs wracking her body, and she soaked his t-shirt with her tears, but when she fell asleep she did it curled up tight to his side.

She’d given him her pain and was presently soft and relaxed in his arms.

He’d count that as another win.

I Need to Not Need You First

Mara

Saturday morning, I woke up alone with a hangover, and not the kind that’s the cost of a good night out followed by drunk sex, but the kind that follows crying yourself to sleep. It was late, already nine o’clock. The tv droned on in the family room, and I could hear Olivia’s chatter followed by Zale’s low rumblings.

I reached for his pillow and pushed my face into it, taking in his scent. I felt the wet between my thighs and squeezed themtogether while I briefly considered taking care of myself, but I couldn’t risk it with Zale and Olivia up and about. It had been a long time for me. In the hospital I had zero sex drive, so I didn’t miss it. Coming home and seeing him, feeling him, hearing his voice, smelling his scent, it was almost impossible to control the want, and I desperately wanted to control the want.

I showered quickly and got dressed, threw my long hair into a ponytail, and decided to forego the makeup for now. I didn’t have any ratty clothes left to wear, Bex took care of hauling them out after our last shopping spree. I pulled on my cuffed and ripped boyfriend jeans with a simple striped blouse with half sleeves a few shades lighter than my jeans that followed the line of my figure. I felt like I was trying too hard, looking for attention, but I had nothing that wasn't cute anymore. Funny, maybe I dressed on the outside like I felt I deserved on the inside.

Zale’s face visibly brightened when I walked into the family room.

“Good morning, gorgeous.”

He walked over and curled his hand around my waist, leaning in to give me a kiss. I didn’t know where to look so I just looked to the side and lifted my face to his. He didn’t kiss me. Flooded with embarrassment at my assumption, my eyes skittered to his in time to see his other hand come up to cup my face. He smiled into my eyes before he slowly lowered his mouth to mine.

What I’d intended to be a peck, a quick one that didn’t stir me up, turned into a soft, easy exploration of my mouth. I stayed as still asI could, fighting the pull of him. He continued to move his sweet mouth over mine. My lips parted and a moan that came from my womb escaped as he slipped his tongue between my teeth, seeking mine. I gave it to him, found my hands grasping the back of his shirt, my tingling breasts pressed against his chest.

His hand that had been at my waist circled around to my back and the hand that had been cupping my cheek slid to the side of my neck, his thumb extended, holding my chin up. He moved impossibly closer, and I felt his erection firm against my tummy, making my womb contract, my knees weak.

He broke the kiss. “Mara,” he whispered against my forehead. “Please let me love you tonight.”

I let go of his shirt, moving an inch away from him, all I could manage seeing as his hands had not shifted.

“I need to not need you first,” I whispered back apologetically.

He fisted his hand in the back of my shirt, pulling me flush against him again. His face dark and intent on me, his jaw tight and ticking.

I could feel how wound up he was, and I was frantic to have that let loose on me, in me. I let my eyes wander over his beautiful face, taking in his lips, his two days of scruff, the longing in his eyes.

“Okay,” I breathed. As usual, there was not a ‘no’ to be found when it came to Zale.

He gave me his half smile and rested his forehead on mine. “It’s going to be a long day.”

His eyes sparkled with a hint of humor mixed with grief and desire, a heady mix. I wanted to suggest we head back to bed right away when Olivia came in from the sunroom. He released me and turned his back on Olivia, walking away to give himself time to regroup. The simple fact that he needed to filled me with happiness.

“Where are you going, baby?” I teased, feeling lighthearted at the obvious effect I was having on him. He looked over his shoulder, looked me over tip to toes, and smirked as I clamped my legs shut.

“Be careful, gorgeous, or I’ll make you wait.”

It was the exact wrong thing to say.

Shame knocked my gaze to the floor.

Humiliation hit me first in the gut, then exploded on impact, piercing my heart, my lungs, my hope.

I crossed my hands over my stomach, sick with the heavy reminder that I’d never be what I wanted to be for him. I’d flirted and I’d been slapped back, put in my place, reminded that the power was all his, and I was under it. The ‘no’ was all too easily found for him when it came to me.

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