Page 23 of Love, In Balance

“I know I can” he says.

We stay like this for a short while, our hands clasped, gently stroking each-others skin. I get an ache between my legs, wishing he was stroking me elsewhere too.

I’m hoping he feels the same, but then again, surely this isn’t good for either of us. His gaze alternates between my eyes and my lips, and I feel myself lose control, so pull back on whateverthisis between us.

“I best get going anyway. And I’ll see you soon” I say as I let go of his hand. He stands with me and walks me to the door, his hand low on my back. We stand so close as we get to the door. I want to pull him down to me and lock us in this room. Surely this is how porn starts. I’ve probably come across a few in my time. I’d make him carry me across the room and spread me across his desk.

Shit, I need to leave. I place my hands on his arms and offer a small squeeze. “See you soon Quin”.

He looks down at me with the most teasing gaze. “See you soon Lista”. It triggers such conflicting thoughts about our relationship. Professional boundaries have already been crossed for our working relationship, but does it count if those crossings happened before working together? My mind is sayingno.So Ithink I’ll stick with that.

Later that day, I open up my phone to find a message from Pierce.Ugh.

Just ugh. I’m sure we’ve all had the same reaction to that one message that comes through from someone we just really would rather not hear from.

Pierce:Hey, shame that I’m not your advisor, isn’t it? Not sure why they chose Quin. You rarely know him x

Lista:I’m fine with him being my advisor. They probably chose him because we don’t know each other that well personally.

Other than kissing each other in a hugely romantic setting and sitting in between his legs at game night. Idon’tsay that.

Pierce:I think we would’ve worked well together. I know your research ideas. Plus we could’ve spent more time together. Doesn’t mean you can’t come to me if you need anything though x

Lista:I’m fine Pierce. I have Quin to go to with advice on my work now.

Pierce:Well, if you need any extra support, you know where to find me sweet cheeks. And let’s sort out a day I can take you to dinner x

I decide against replying to him. Because no.

I wish he’d leave me the fuck alone.

He is consistently following me to my car, in the corridor, around campus and then pinging me with messages every other day.

I wish him and Drew never became acquainted because sincethen, he’s got this fascination with me that is not reciprocated. He scared the shit out of me the other day when I left campus. He snook up on me and wouldn’t take no for an answer when he asked me out to dinner.

He knows I’m not interested, but he persists.

He knows how I struggle with intimacy and close contact, and yet still continues to crowd me and touch me.

I’m so sick of his lack of respect for my feelings. I just can’t bring myself to mention how I feel to Drew yet.

He won’t understand.

He has seen the way Pierce is with me but seems to think it’s a joke. I wish he’d see through me and realise how I truly feel. I’m not laughing along with it. I never have.

I can’t bear to tell anyone about the other things he’s done either. I’m sick of being seen as weak, or as a victim my whole life because of my past. Plus, it’s not saying that people will even take me seriously anyway about Pierce. Let’s face it. We live in a world where women, amongst others would rather keep these things under wraps than face the judgement and speculation of people.

Serious allegations are often swept under the rug, so what makes me think that what I have to say about Pierce will be listened to and taken on board.

I know it’s unhealthy, but the vault inside my mind is secure, and it’s the safest place to keep all of these unwanted memories.

For now.

Chapter

8

Lista

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