Page 140 of Take What You Want

I can’t hide my grimace quick enough and the two of them laugh. “Fuck no.”

“Done with her already?” Reid elbows me.

I push him away and grab a glass of water from a passing tray. “Yeah. Old news.”

“Onto the next.” Hayden chuckles.

Wrong. I want to correct them, but I need to find her first.

I could’ve called. There are so many nights I thought about it. Had her number pulled up on my phone, finger hovering above the green button, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

The lifestyle I thought I wanted? It’s empty. It took me losing her, being out here and going out with people who are more empty inside than I am, to realize that I made a mistake.

I knew it in the moment that night in my backyard it was, but I needed to see it through.

I’m going to find her tonight and talk to her. Tell her that I’m sorry. That I love her too. That I don’t know why I couldn’t say it then when I knew I felt it deep inside. And then once we talk, I’m going to come clean to Walker.

A few people from the label come up and mingle with us and I try to pay attention. This is an important night and I know I should be networking. But where the hell is she?

“There’s our fifth member!” Hayden suddenly calls out, and I whip around so fast I about trip over. Walker approaches the group with Jane by his side.

God, she looks fucking beautiful. Her hair has gotten longer since I last saw her. Her long legs eat up the distance, on display in her short, pink dress. Her signature color.

She’s ruined pink for me. I only think of her when I see it and it haunts me.

When she locks eyes with me, everything in the room stops. My vision narrows until it’s only her. Only my LJ. Her green eyes crease at the corners as she looks at me and they lack their usual sparkle. It’s almost as if she’s looking through me…

Hayden hugs Jane when she reaches us and Reid nods in her direction, never one for casual displays of affection. “Thanks for flying all this way for us.”

She smiles at him as she says, “I would never miss this. I needed to see it for myself that this is real. That you made it from the bars of Pittsburgh to the big stage in LA.”

“No big stages yet,” Reid mutters.

“Soon.” Walker claps him on the back enthusiastically.

I realize I’m the only one who hasn’t spoken yet, so I say, “I’m just surprised you pulled your nose out of your textbooks long enough to come here.” I soften the joke with a lighthearted laugh that the guys echo, but Jane’s mouth twists to the side and she averts her gaze.

This isn’t the type of greeting I was expecting. I thought she might be standoffish, but she’s almostcold. She’s never been like that with me before.

“Sorry, man. I’m being rude,” Walker says. “You guys obviously all know Jane, but this is Liam. Her boyfriend.”Walker gestures to the guy standing on Jane’s left that I failed to notice. And then I replay Walker’s words and realize then that he’s not just a random party guest that’s hanging around.

No.

Not a regular guy who just happened to fall in the conversation.

Not a regular guy as he says hello to the group and Jane prattles on about how they live in the same dorm and have a lot of the same classes. She barely spares me a second look.

And in that moment, when I watch his hand grab hers and interlock their fingers as one, when she smiles at him the way she used to do to me, the weight of it slams into me like a hurricane.

I’ve lost her.

37

JANE

Ihad invited Liam to the album release party to cover for the fact that I was still pining over Nikolai. He was all too happy to agree as it was a free trip to LA and the two of us were friends. When I asked him if I could call him my boyfriend for the sake of the exclusivity of the event, he said of course. Didn’t even bat an eye. And when we flew home to Boston the following morning, he asked me out on a real date and the rest was history.

If I would’ve just braved the party on my own…

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