Page 2 of Cruel Dreams

I don’t go back to sleep, and I watch the rising sun brighten the wall. Zane holds me, and his inhales and exhales whisper near my ear.

I know why I’m on edge.

Zane and Nathalie’s engagement party, the party Ashton Black insisted he host in their honor, is tonight. It’s more than just a party, it’s a necessary part of our plan, but it still rubs me the wrong way. It’s difficult to forgive someone when their mistakes stare you in the face—in this case literally.

None of this is Nathalie’s fault. Getting mixed up with the Blacks wasn’t her fault. Her mom was sick and she needed money to pay bills. I understand that. I might even have done it myself.

A huge reason I can’t let it go is because I’m jealous of Zane and Nathalie’s time together and the intimacy they shared for so many years. I’m full of bitterness that I sacrificed my freedom for him and Zarah and he moved on so quickly. Didn’t search for the truth. Lost his faith in me. Did he ever have any? I don’t know. He chose to believe lies and he shared five precious years with another woman. Those years should have been mine, dammit. Sometimes I feel like he stole those five years just as much as Ash did keeping me prisoner. A tear drips down my cheek and I wipe it away hoping he doesn’t see.

“I’m sorry.” Zane’s voice is low and full of pain.

He always knows what I’m thinking, and he always checks his pride and falls to his knees.

I hate him for it, and I hate myself for needing it.

“I’m just a little worried.”

Zane props his head in his hand and rubs the sleep out of his eyes. Stubble covers his jaw, his hair is mussed, and he needs a trim. He’s sexy, but he looks like he cares about other things. Like being with me.

That’s why I crawled into his bed last night. I miss him so much when he’s gone.

He goes to work and he and Nathalie stay at his penthouse every other evening. He needs to maintain a normal schedule,and that doesn’t include sleeping at a hotel that’s supposed to be closed to the public to have renovations done.

Brushing his thumb over my lips, he says, “I know you are, but you don’t have to be. It’s only a party. Maybe buying Nathalie from Ash wasn’t a good idea, but we’ve been together for years and it was a natural progression. Some of her clients treated her like Zarah’s jobs, and I couldn’t let her live like that anymore.”

“Okay.”

Trying to pretend like the last five years didn’t happen would be futile and a waste of time. I wasn’t the only one hurting, and this isn’t just about me because I’m angry.

Zane curls his body around me. “How are you feeling?”

“Better every day.” Physically, at least. Like Zarah, I might be emotionally fucked up for years, if not the rest of my life.

“Good.”

The room is brightening, and his features are becoming clearer in the hazy light. Something slips over his face, and my heart sputters.

“What?” I ask, my tongue thick in my mouth. We don’t need any more trouble. We don’t need any more obstacles.

“The morning in your apartment...” He fades off, and a reddish stain creeps over his cheeks. He’s embarrassed, but I don’t know why.

“What morning? What are you talking about?” I prop up onto an elbow and stare at him, nerves prickling my skin. He looks over my shoulder, unable to meet my gaze.

“That morning, the first time we saw each other when you came back to the city. Well, I thought it was when you’d come back.”

He’s stumbling, and at any other time I would think it endearing. The boy I had fallen for surfacing in the man I know now.

“I can’t say we made love because that’s not what it was. I was punishing you, and you let me have you.”

Oh. He’s talking about the morning we had sex. When I tried to give him the flash drive. I try not to think about that day very often because he hurt me. Physically, but emotionally, too. I missed him so much, loved him so much, and he turned our first encounter after a five year separation into something painful and sordid.

I let him have me because I was lonely and I needed him, but he only hurt me to pay me back for leaving.

“Okay?” I’m not sure why he’s bringing this up. It was weeks ago. So many things have happened since then.

“I didn’t wear a condom, Stella. Have you gotten your period?”

Goosebumps cover my skin. There’s been so much going on, I lost track of my period.

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