Page 1 of Cruel Dreams

CHAPTER ONE

Stella

Iwake to my nightgown moved aside and Zane sucking my nipple, his fingers sliding under the lace of my panties. Moaning, I bring up my knees, begging for more. Before you get all up in my face about consent, I wanted this. I fell asleep in the room Quinn and I share, but I woke up to go to the bathroom and drink a glass of water. I went to the Honeymoon Suite to finish out the night hoping he’d take the hint.

He was out cold but he roused long enough to roll over and spoon me, and I fell asleep tucked against his solid chest, his arm snug across my stomach.

My body opened for him while we’ve been staying at the hotel. He doesn’t sleep here every night, but over the past couple of weeks we’ve managed to find quiet moments to talk, make love, and enjoy each other. His teeth nibble at my sensitive skin, and his fingers find what they’re looking for, two slipping inside me easily. I crave the physical connection, and my body accepts his hungrily.

He knows what I like, and he bites. The shot of pain travels from my breast to my core, heightening all of my senses. His thumb grazes my clit, and I gasp, the sudden sensation zapping my nerves in the most delicious way. I’m so wet and aroused, I won’t need long to come.

“Stella,” Zane murmurs and trails kisses over my collarbone, across my neck and jaw, to my lips, his scruff scratching at my skin. He ravages my mouth, our tongues tangling together, and I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him to me. I’m afraid we’ll never be close enough. Never close enough to give me what I need to heal completely.

He slicks his fingers in and out, and I lift my hips in tune to his rhythm, desperately chasing an orgasm. I’m so close, and I whimper. “Don’t stop. More, Zane, more.”

He pounds his fingers into me and presses his thumb to my clit. Pleasure rolls through me and I come, my heels digging into the mattress increasing the pressure of his hand. I shove my tongue into his mouth and lick at him as he draws out my orgasm. He plays until the pleasure becomes almost painful, and I jerk my hips away from his touch. Chuckling, he gently pulls his fingers out of me, and I sink into the bed, sweaty and spent.

“Good morning to you, too,” he says, covering my mouth with his, his hard cock rubbing against my thigh, demanding his turn.

Grasping his erection, I happily return the favor. Pre-cum gathered at the tip, and I slick my fingertips in it, fluttering over the divot. He shudders, and I smother a laugh.

“Put up or shut up,” he growls, grabbing a condom out of the nightstand. Even in the pitch black, he can sheathe himself in seconds. He rips my panties from my legs, tearing the lace and my laughter fades. Moaning in anticipation, he settles between my legs and slides into me.

He shoves his hands under my pillow and pulls me to him. He’s playful, but in a romantic mood, too, and he moves slowly, long even strokes while he devours my mouth and his fingers twist in my hair.

“I love you, Stella,” he whispers into my ear.

I’ll never tire of hearing him say it.

“I love you, too,” I murmur, hooking a leg over his ass and pushing him into me deeper, harder. I always want more. I match his thrusts knowing he’s adding to the bruises already covering my body, but I can’t help it. As close as he can get isn’t close enough. It never will be. “More. Give me all of you.”

Rotating his hips, Zane screws his cock into me, his muscles straining, hands flanking my head. He groans, and he shudders as he comes. His cock pulses inside me, and for several moments he pants, catching his breath. He lowers himself onto me and kisses my temple. “Christ.”

“Hmmm,” I hum. He’s sweaty, and I lick his neck. He tastes so good...salt, passion, and Zane.

He pulls out and rolls off me. It’s too fast, and I squeak in protest. I wanted to cuddle.

“Just let me clean up.” He gives me a quick peck on my lips. “I’ll only be a second.”

He throws the condom away in the bathroom, and I wipe between my legs using a tissue out of the box on the nightstand. I’m tender, but I love it. The other aches and pains, not so much. The muscle above my heart where the bullet hit the bulletproof tank top is still sore. The bruise is slowly fading, my skin more yellow, pink, and a deep, dark purple than the almost black it was after that horrible night. My road rash is almost gone, and only faint traces of the bruise along my ribs from falling off the subway platform remain.

Zane crawls back into bed and holds me close. I soak it in, pressing my body against his. I’ve gone too long without love,and I burrow into his arms, wiggling, squirming, trying to find a way to be closer because I need it.

He tightens his grip until I can’t breathe.

We’ve made progress in the two weeks we’ve waited for my death to disappear from the news, though we both know it’s not enough. Not enough to build the kind of future he wants—mutual trust, a solid commitment, marriage, and children. We’ve talked a lot about what my time at Black Enterprises was like, how he coped thinking I’d betrayed him, and the lies Ash fed him to ensure his belief. I’ve tried to look past that. I know, deep down, he’s a victim too, and God, I’m trying. He knows I’m trying.

It’s difficult for him, too. He watches me struggle, unsure if I’ll come out the other side still in love. I will always love him, but maybe I’ll always wonder if he’ll always love me.

I don’t ever imply I’d be better off without him. I’m afraid he’d agree and leave me, but it’s difficult to heal, emotionally and mentally. I’m dealing with his guilt when he’s the cause of my trauma.

Zane kisses my shoulder, his lips warm and soft, and his breath evens out in a sated doze. Sometimes he has nightmares, sometimes he doesn’t. Sex calms him down. My presence calms him down.

My forgiveness would free him.

I can’t give it yet.

If that makes me a bitch, so be it. I’m not ready and if I feel that time will never come, I’ll be honest and tell him. We agreed not to decide anything until this is behind us and the future is ours to do with what we like. Only then will I know if I want to spend it with him.

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