Page 3 of Cruel Dreams

I close my eyes, trying to remember. The last time I had it, I was at Black Enterprises, but that’s been weeks ago now. Ash forces all his strippers and escort service girls to go on birth control, but I didn’t have a reason to be on it. I never had a checkup in all the years he kept me.

Zane shifts, waiting for my answer, and suddenly I’m really pissed off. He’s the one who couldn’t wait to fuck me. He’s the one who used sex as a weapon instead of showing me he loved me.

I blow out a sigh. I wanted his hands on me, it didn’t matter what kind of emotions were in his touch. At Black Enterprises, I was always on the precipice of dying from loneliness.

Zane hurt me, but I welcomed it. I used him, too. I needed to feel...anything. Anything at all.

“No, I haven’t. You don’t want babies.”

He told me that when I tried to encourage him to make love to me without a condom. The things he said were sweet, but now I realize the truth behind them.

Zane snuggles me and gently touches his mouth to mine. He leans away and says, “Ash made sure I saw that picture of Cardello and the woman who was supposed to be you. She was pregnant, and he had his hand on her belly.”

I know the one he means. We don’t know who the woman is—we didn’t fight the lies and her real identity never came out. I don’t know if she and Sergio are a couple in real life. Her tanned skin glowed, and wearing a little bikini, her bump was prominent. I don’t know much about pregnancy but I had a foster mom who had a baby, and the woman posing as me looked to be about six months along.

“I have never been so enraged, so hurt. The idea you were giving another man a child, a family. I’m thirty-one years old, running a billion-dollar empire, and my whole world exploded thinking of you having a baby with someone else.”

The reverence in his voice shocks me. I’ve never heard him sound so passionate.

“I hated you so much. I wanted that baby to be mine.”

I touch his arm. “Zane.”

“Ilove you,Stella. You having my baby is everything I want. A family. Vows and promises. A future with you by my side. But not now. The things we need to do...I’m going to go out of my mind worrying about you. I know I can’t keep my eyes on you all the time, and I have to trust you’ll watch out for yourself. I have to trust you won’t take any unnecessary risks. If you’re pregnant, I don’t want you involved. Simple as that. It’s already hard enough. I can’t lose—” His voice breaks and he looks away.

Maybe it’s selfish that I’m happy he cares so much about me, but he doesn’t want me pregnant now. I can’t say I blame him any. We aren’t exactly stable.

“I don’t know. I can’t remember exactly when my last period was, and I don’t know where in my cycle I was when we were at the apartment—I wasn’t thinking about that. I could get it any day, or I could be off because of all the stress. I’ll tell you the minute I get it.”

He grips my chin between his finger and thumb and forces me to meet his eyes. “And if you don’t? Will you promise to stay safe? For me? For our family?”

Once we start pushing at the Blacks, we’ll have to expect them to fight back, but there’s no way in hell I’m standing on the sidelines. I want to help bring Ash and his father to justice. Not just because they stole five years from me, but for Zane’s parents. For Zarah. For women like Nathalie.

I want to be part of it. I want to be in the middle of it.

When Ash realizes he didn’t break me, I want to be staring unflinchingly into his black eyes.

I have a few weeks before Zane will suspect anything. I’ll be honest until I can’t be. If I’m pregnant, I’ll hide it for as long as I can.

I nod.

He believes me.

CHAPTER TWO

Zane

Mel goes over the plan...again. I grit my teeth, but this is her way of feeling better about what’s going to happen. My engagement party is invitation only, and Mel and Stella can’t be there.

I asked Ash to invite King’s Crossing’s mayor, Vance Huxley, and he accepted. I can picture the fat man’s jowls quivering with excitement. Ash’s invitations are worth more than their weight in gold. Inclusion into his circle is priceless.

I want Huxley to see Nathalie on my arm, but we have something else in store for him as well.

Mel’s afraid Nathalie’s going to crack under the pressure, but she’s been in the business for a long time. I have to trust she has the guts to pull this off. Reluctantly, Mel lets me go, biting her lip. It won’t matter how many times we go over it if Nathalie can’t handle it like she fears.

During the past few weeks, I’ve started driving myself places. I like the freedom, the power of the steering wheel under my palms. September in Minnesota is just as warm as August, anddespite the air conditioner set to its highest setting, sweat soaks my shirt.

I listened to a million of Mel’s last-minute tips and kissed Stella’s frosty lips goodbye. While Mel prepped me, Nathalie’s spending the afternoon at the spa getting ready for tonight. She hasn’t been happy these past couple of weeks, but I don’t know what will appease her besides promises of a life I can’t, and don’t want, to give her. You’d think she’d be happy she doesn’t have to earn a paycheck on her back anymore, but she doesn’t act like I’m doing her a favor. She certainly doesn’t act like I saved her from a bleak future under Ash’s thumb. Stupid woman.

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