Page 121 of The Ruse

When we finally realized what we’d just done, we both agreed that it could never happen again. This was just a one-time thing so we could get each other out of our systems.

So I grabbed my sweater that he’d thrown on the floor in the kitchen and he grabbed his T-shirt that had come off on the couch and we promised it would never happen again.

I fixed my hair into a ponytail so no one would see how messy it had gotten when he’d tangled his fingers in it and guess what I’d been up to tonight.

Then I snuck back to my car, vowing that I’d never come back to his apartment again. If I really cared about Elijah, I wouldn’t do anything that would put him or his job in jeopardy.

I plan to keep that promise.

I’ll be 18 in like 10 months. I could graduate early. I’ll talk to my advisor tomorrow and see if it’s possible.

If we’re really meant to be, we’ll still both be around when a relationship between the two of us is legal…

So yeah…that’s how my Saturday night went. Only like another 70 biology lessons to get through.

The next few entries talked about school and how she was trying to stay away from Elijah—Professor Hicks. And it sounded like they were doing a good job of keeping their pact to stay away from each other and keep things the way a student/teacher relationship should be.

But a few weeks later, right before we had the auditions for the winter musical where she landed the role of Cosette, she mentioned how she’d gone to his office one day during lunch to ask him some questions and they’d slipped up and kissed before he pushed her away.

They didn’t do anything else for another week, but then she saw him one evening when she was in town grabbing takeout from her favorite restaurant, and they ended up making out in his car.

After that, they tried to just date on the down low, visiting other small towns close by on Saturdays and Sundays so they could be out in public where no one would recognize them.

But a few days would go by, and they would break up again. He was paranoid that some people at school might be picking up on things.

I kept turning the pages and skimming through everything, wondering if this had just gone on the rest of the year.

Had they been secretly hooking up while she and I had been together?

Was our little ruse just a magician’s trick where she was distracting everyone with what we were doing while her real forbidden relationship was happening in the dark corners of Eden Falls?

One entry dated January 2 talked about how they had met up at a New Year’s Eve party in New York since they were both spending the holidays with their parents.

It was such a magical night. We got all dressed up and went to this fancy party with a bunch of people who didn’t know who we were. We ate delicious food, danced the night away, and really got to see what it would be like to be in a real relationship where we didn’t have to hide. It was amazing and romantic and everything I’d dreamed it would be.

At the end of the night, we rang in the new year together and were able to kiss without worrying about who might see us because no one cared. The party ended and we knew it was time to go home and back to reality, but it had been so amazing that neither of us wanted to say goodnight.

So I booked a room at my grandpa’s hotel and had Elijah sneak up a few minutes later. It was so amazing spending the night with the man I’m in love with for the first time. And I know some people’s first time is scary or awkward or uncomfortable, but with Elijah, it was just so wonderful and everything I’d hoped it would be.

He was such a gentleman. He made me feel safe and loved and wanted. I’ve never felt so much love for someone in my whole life. I know that things have been tricky and that the rest of the school year is going to probably be no different since he’s still my teacher and I won’t graduate until June—yes, I forgot to say it earlier, but I was able to talk to my advisor and she said things were on track for me to graduate a year early.

But I love Elijah so much and can’t imagine being with anyone else so I’m willing to continue what we’ve been doing for another five months. He’s worth it and it’s a small price to pay to get to be with him forever.

Anyway, this isn’t how I imagined my junior year of high school going. But I’m so happy!!! I can’t wait to see what the future holds for Elijah and me.

I had to pause for a minute after reading that entry. Until this point, they’d been flirting with danger. They’d been spending time together. They’d been kissing. They’d been doing lots of couple things. But they hadn’t quite crossed the line into illegal territory.

Was that why they’d broken up the next week? I wasn’t sure of the exact date that she’d come to rehearsal with tears in her eyes, saying that her boyfriend had broken up with her. But it had to be pretty soon after this.

I turned the page, and just like I’d expected, there was a single sentence written for the 7th of January.

Elijah broke up with me.

It looked like little drops of water had fallen on the pages based on the way the paper wrinkled in some spots—like she’d been sobbing as she’d written that one sentence and couldn’t bring herself to write any more.

There were a couple weeks between journal entries after that. Apparently, nothing noteworthy had happened during that time in Bailee’s life.

January 24

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