Page 58 of Acedia

There was a brief rumbling sound that filled the air, a vibration that ran through Damen’s body before it immediately stopped.

“What was that?” I asked in wonder.

He cleared his throat. “A purr. I’ve never done that before.”

“Is it a bad thing?”

“No. No, it’s a very good thing. But that’s why we should stop,” Damen murmured regretfully. “Before I do something I can’t take back.”

“Don’t disappear,” I said hastily, hating how desperate the words sound. “Don’t leave. I’ll keep my hands to myself, I promise.”

“It’s not your hands I’m worried about.”

“You’d never do anything I wasn’t expressly comfortable with,” I replied, entirely confident in that. “Could you just… hold me a little? Please?”

Damen made a pained sound, immediately moving up the bed and lifting me into his arms, adjusting us so that we were comfortable. I rested my head on his hard chest, my legs tangled with his strong ones. It shouldn’t be comfortable—he was so firm beneath me—and yet it was. His skin was warm and his arms circled me like he could shelter me from anything and everything.

“You should never have to ask me to hold you, Iris. You certainly shouldn’t have to beg. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” I assured him firmly, squeezing him a little around his middle. Everything about him was sosolid. Did it bother him that I wasn’t built the same way?

He carefully ran his claws through my hair, detangling the strands with an astounding amount of gentleness. If anything about me bothered him, Damen didn’t let on.

“What do you miss the most about the human realm?” he asked quietly.

I hummed thoughtfully, rousing myself from the verge of sleep. I’d never been so comfortable in my life.

“Probably not as much as you’d think. I miss knowing where everything is, I think. The attic I shared with Nana was very small, and over the years we’d made it just right for me to get around. I’ve mostly gotten the hang of my room, but it’s still a little disorienting.”

“We’ll talk about how to improve the layout tomorrow when you’re not so tired—I should have thought of that.”

“I’ll adjust, Damen. You don’t have to do that for me.”

“I want to, Iris. I want you to be happy here. What else do you miss from the human realm?”

“Pizza,” I laughed. “I only had it once but it was the most delicious food I’ve ever eaten.”

“I’m not familiar with it, but I’ll ask Astrid to collect some on her next visit to the human realm.”

“Oh, please don’t! I’m sure she has far more important things she needs to do when she’s in the human realm.”

“Not at all,” Damen replied confidently. Even though he was the more knowledgeable one of how all of this worked, I somehow doubted that was true. “Anything else I should ask her to retrieve? Don’t be shy, Iris. Verity sends Astrid with entire lists of items to collect.”

I wouldn’t be doing that. Verity probably added a lot more value to the realm than I did—it was only right that she could make requests in return.

“That’s all,” I assured him. “Astrid is already fetching Tilly’s food, which is so very kind of her.”

Besides, there was nothing else I missed—nothing except Nana, and there was no bringing her back.

Even then, the more time I spent here, the more complicated my relationship with Nana felt. Despite her reminders for me to be kind, sometimes it felt as though she hadn’t always been very kind to me. At the same time, my company had been forced on her when Nana had been too old to be of any value to the Hunters anymore. Moriah had basically assigned me to her care as a way for her to earn her keep—it wasn’t a job she’d wanted.

But she’d also been kinder to me than anyone else in my family.

She’d given me Tilly. She’d given me an education, to the best of her ability. She’d read me stories when I was little and encouraged me to use them as an escape from reality, the same way she had.

It all made missing her a complicated prospect.

“Are you okay?” Damen asked drowsily. “Your scent is a little… cloudy.”

---