Page 93 of Beneficial Misfortune

I’d thought the same thing since I left them. I was sure I was just a distant memory to them. I would have been shocked if they had remembered my name. I might not have known who they were exactly, but I have eyes, and it’s not as if I was able to forget my night with them. No, I was sure women were lining up to be with them; I’d never for a moment let myself believe that I’d made an impression, not even in my wildest dreams.

Nathan stands, once again making his way back to the fireplace, his eyes fixed on the darkened windows.

“Alex and I built the Lawson name from nothing. Desmond was the product of a one-night stand many years ago. His mother didn’t want a baby. It didn’t fit her lifestyle. So she brought him to my doorstep and left him, and I’ve never seen her again. And Oliver’s mother died in a car crash when he was young.”

I gasp aloud, before quickly pressing a hand to my mouth, but I know he heard me. Turning away from the window, his eyes meet mine as I watch him, unable to look away. I don’t know much about these Lawson men, but I want to, and I’ll gladly eat up every crumb he gives me.

He nods me toward the window, inviting me to come and stand with him, and I’m up and off the couch the next second, unable and unwilling to ignore the chance to be closer to him.

I stop just short of being right next to him, trying to give him some space to breathe while he talks, but apparently, that’s not what he has in mind.

Reaching out, he grabs my hand, interlocking our fingers before he pulls me into his side. We stand like that for a moment, his thumb stroking against my knuckles as I relax against him, enjoying the warmth his body offers before he continues.

“Alex and Riley weren’t in love. Hell, they spent most of their time at each other’s throats, but she was a good mother, and before she passed, they’d split time between the two of them. Of course, after she passed, Alex took Oliver full time, and as such, Oliver and Desmond grew up much closer than most cousins. At this point they really are more like brothers, even Addison is more like a little sister to Oliver.”

Nathan’s not looking at me, but I nod, knowing he will feel it. I’ve seen firsthand how close they all are; if I wasn’t told theywere cousins in the beginning, I would have believed they were siblings.

“With Oliver and Desmond, we split time working and raising them. The company grew overnight, and before long, they were old enough to start taking an interest in it. Alex never really wanted more kids. He said Des and Oli were enough, but I knew I did. I’d always wanted a large family, and in the last few years, I’ve found there’s no time like the present. Business is booming, but I’m not getting any younger.” He chuckles, and I shake my head at his joke. I know he’s older; Trevor had said he was old enough to be my father, and I’m pretty sure he’s right, but honestly, aside from the streaks of gray in his hair, it’s not really super easy to tell that.

Is it obvious he’s older? Yes, of course. I’m pretty sure Desmond and Oliver are right around my age, but I think it would be harder to guess Nathan and Alex's. They don’t exactly fit into the usual categories for men their age.

“I had Addison through a surrogate. Originally, I’d planned to adopt, but surrogacy seemed like a nice choice as well, that way she still got to have the Lawson bloodline.”

It sounds fine, logical even, but at the same time a little too much like a business transaction.

“You never had a woman you wanted to marry and have children with instead?” I ask before I realize how intrusive that question is. “Shit, sorry, I wasn’t trying to pry.” I pull back to look up at him. Nathan’s a much more reserved person than most. I can’t imagine he wants to talk about that kind of thing with me, and if he did, it’s something he can decide on, not something for me to bring up.

“Stop doing that,” he says with a chuckle, easily pulling me back into his side and wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “I want you to ask questions, Kat. I want you to understand, that’s the whole point of this little trip.” I can’t see his face, but I canhear the smile on his lips, and it makes me smile as well. “Or most of it, at least,” he says almost more to himself, and I can’t help but giggle at how dirty it sounded.

“To answer your question, no, there was never a woman I wanted to marry and have children with. Alex and I had worked hard to make our business what it is today, and one of our bigger concerns was splitting it as it passed through the years. We couldn’t stop Oliver and Desmond from marrying, and we didn’t want to, but we both knew it wasn’t for us. Instead, we enjoyed women like fine wine but kept no strings, and somewhere along the way, I think Desmond picked up the same habit. Oliver very rarely even took interest in women, and when he did, it tended to be with Desmond. It was something we weren’t really aware we were doing until later, sharing women. It was fun, and it made things much easier, to the point that we discussed the possibility of sharing a woman long term.”

His voice loses all hint of his earlier humor, and I get the feeling whatever he’s about to share is serious. It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him he doesn’t have to share with me, but he said he wanted to, so instead, I press my lips together and wrap my arms around him, nuzzling into his chest.

Nathan doesn’t strike me as the type to need reassurance or affection, but it’s nice to have regardless, I’m sure.

His fingers run through my hair from the back of my head down my back, and I sink even further into him.

Fuck, that feels good.

“One woman seemed to fit everything we wanted and needed in a woman. Natasha was young and beautiful, and Desmond brought her home from the club a few times before she seemed to realize how our dynamic worked. She, like most women, didn’t have a problem with it, and before long, she was always around for one of us. Addison was young then, only a year or so old, and she was great with her, or she pretended to be. Itwasn’t until she realized Oliver was a part of our shared lifestyle that we saw the issues with her. She never liked Oliver, but he didn’t say a word until one night, Desmond brought up the idea of us making her a Lawson, having one of us marry her and make her ours forever. Thankfully, Oliver couldn’t keep quiet anymore and brought his issues to me. I didn’t want to believe it. I’d grown fond of her and the idea of having a woman not only for myself but for Addison, but I always knew this was why Alex and I hadn’t looked for women.”

He continues to stroke his hand down my back as if the action is comforting him, and I hope it does because I really don’t know what to say about this. I’m sorry they went through that and that she turned out not to be the one for them, but I’m also kind of grateful.

Which I’m aware sounds horrible and is the reason I’ve kept my mouth shut so far.

“We’d almost made a terrible mistake tying ourselves to her. Desmond was upset about it for a long time. He loved her, and he thought she loved him too, but even if she did, it wasn’t the right way, not the way we wanted. She didn’t like Oliver, and she only pretended to enjoy time with Addison because she knew it made us happy. Like so many before her, she was using us. She was just much better at hiding it.”

“I’m so sorry.” I finally say, unable to keep quiet anymore. Grateful for the chance to be here or not, I can’t make myself enjoy their pain. Nobody should feel unwanted the way Oliver did, no child should be used for someone else’s gain, and the pain of a broken heart isn’t something I’d wish on my worst enemy.

“Don’t be sorry. Natasha is the one who ruined that. And because of her, I was sure our bid to share a woman would never be more than just the occasional fling. Addison didn’tneeda mother, no matter how much she might want one, and I couldadopt or get another surrogate…” his hand pauses as his words trail off, and I chance a peek up at him through my lashes to find him looking down at me with an unreadable expression on his face.

“And then you came along and changed everything I thought I knew and made me want something I never dared to dream was a possibility.”

“What is it you want?” I ask, my voice hardly more than a whisper, afraid to hear his answer but almost just as desperate for it.

“You, Katherine.” His words crash over me, and I’m struck silent, sure I’ve heard him wrong or I’ve imagined this. There’s no way of all the women he could have, that any of them could have, that he,they,would want me…Right?

“I want you in every way I can have you. Be it only as Addison’s nanny or with benefits if that’s all you want, but know it will never be enough. I’ve never felt for anyone the way I do for you, and it’s not just me.”

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