Page 22 of The Goalie

I hadn’t actually decided if I wanted what he was offering. Then again, I hadn’t decided I didn’t.

I unlocked the door and opened it. Her eyes were narrowed, full lips pressed into a thin line, hands on her hips. Without a word, I took a step back, giving her a silent invitation to come in.

“You know,” I stated, shutting the door behind us.

“I know?” Lucy questioned, whirling around and throwing her arms out. “That’s all you can say? I know? Of course I know, Sam. Did you think I wouldn’t figure it out? Did you think I was stupid or something?”

“I never said that,” I said, narrowing my eyes, but only slightly. I didn’t want to make her feel as though I was accusing her of anything. At the end of the day, she was right. Of course she would find out. She found out everything. Who was I kidding to think otherwise?

“What were you thinking?” Her voice was still firm, but it wasn’t loud. She dropped on my couch and fiddled with her fingers. “I mean, he’s my brother, Sam. I thought you hated him.”

“I did.” I shook my head, stepping forward. “I do. It’s just…” I sat on the edge of the coffee table, facing her. I made sure not to touch her. I didn’t want to upset her even more than she already was. “Do you want to hear this, Luc? I don’t want to upset you.”

“What’s upsetting isn’t that you slept with him,” she said, looking up from her lap. “Not really. What’s upsetting is that you didn’t even tell me.”

“Luc, I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know what I’m feeling right now. I’m not going to bring something up without knowing for sure.” I shrugged. “I don’t know what’s going on with me right now.”

She let out a shaky breath, blinking away unshed tears. “Well, I do.” She rolled her shoulders back, sitting up straighter. “It’s fine, Sam, really. I get it. You were looking for a rebound and my brother was the safest bet.”

“Wait, what?” I stood up abruptly and walked around the table where I could pace. “You think I had sex with your brother as a one-night stand?”

“Why else would you?” Lucy didn’t sound like she was trying to be a condescending bitch. “I mean, you guys don’t like each other. I can’t even get you in the same room together because you hate each other so much. And then I find out you’re sleeping together.”

“It’s not—”

“Oh, come on, Sam. It’s me.” Lucy cocked her head to the side, her hair falling over her shoulder. “It’s exactly what I think it is.”

“Okay.” I paused. “You’re right.” I turned my back on her and paced the length of my living room. “I don’t…I don’t know what you want me to say here, Luc.”

“An apology would be nice,” Lucy said.

“An apology?” I furrowed my brow, stopping my pacing. “For what?”

“For what?” She took a few steps towards me. “For what—Sam, you slept with my brother. You didn’t tell me.”

My nostrils flared. “This might be difficult for you to hear, Lucy, but me sleeping with your brother isn’t actually any of your business.” I swallowed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She clenched her jaw, looking at the window to her left. “Okay. Fine. Don’t apologize. Can you tell me if you’re going to do it again? Surely you have some idea if you want to.”

“What I’m going to do and what I want are two different things,” I said.

I shoved my hands behind my back. I didn’t want to pick at my fingernails in front of her and imply that I was nervous. If I was nervous, it meant that I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t want her to know that I didn’t know what I wanted when I should.

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Dan said the same thing, practically,” she said, running her fingers through her hair so the long dark strands were out of her face. “He said he didn’t know what he wanted to do—whether he wanted to be with you romantically or just physically. When I pushed him, he told me it wasn’t any of my business. I mean, not in those words, but that was the gist of the conversation.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t understand why you guys don’t think this is any of my business. You’re my best friend, Sam. He’s my brother. I’m the thing connecting you guys together.”

“Honestly, Lucy, I think Dan and I are trying to figure everything out,” I said abruptly.

It wasn’t my intention to snap at her, but my mind was racing. I couldn’t be sure, but it sounded as though Lucy seemed to think Dan was potentially interested in a romantic relationship with me. And if that was the case…

I shook my head. I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t know what to feel.

“What?” Lucy asked, her hands now on her hips. “Why are you shaking your head like that?” Before I could answer, she pushed forward. “Seriously, though, Sam, if you thought my brother was cute, you could have just told me. I don’t know why I’m so upset over this, but I am. I just wish I had known.”

“Why?” I asked. Her anger made no sense. Sure, she was allowed to be hurt, but she sounded frustrated for selfish reasons and I didn’t appreciate it. This was my business and my business alone. What right did she have to it? “Why do you want to know something like this? Why do you think you have the right?”

I brushed past her. I began to pace. I wasn’t sure what to do with my hands so I waved them then I put them on my hips. I let out a breath, then I sucked one in.

“Why do you have such an issue?” Lucy asked. “It’s not a big deal.”

---