Page 21 of The Goalie

“What happened?”

We began to walk in together. Judging by his slouched shoulders and the puzzled look on his face, he didn’t know I purposefully sabotaged him.

Good. That meant our relationship wasn’t wrecked, although I was willing to risk it if necessary.

It still boggled my mind. If anyone had told me I would be willing to give up my relationship with Nate—my goalie coach’s son—in order to have the opportunity to start one with Sam—the girl I hated for years—I would have called them crazy at best.

But things had changed. Drastically so.

I made my proposition. I left before she could respond. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. I wasn’t sure if I was going to have to avoid my sister for the foreseeable future in order to avoid Sam. I didn’t know anything and I hated it. I was never like this.

“I don’t even know,” Nate said. “I swear, I just called her and said I got her number from Dan at his birthday party. I sweetened it up a bit obviously. How you thought we’d make a good fit. How I’m such a nice guy. You know, trying to get her to warm up to me and whatnot.”

I began to tune him out. Quite frankly, I didn’t care. I also knew I’d be hearing about it from Luc at some point as well.

All I cared about was the game. I could worry about Nate, Lucy, and even Sam after.

10

Sam

I didn’t goto the game. I should have. I wanted to. But I wasn’t sure it was a good idea.

Instead, I stayed home. Sure, it was exactly what Josh thought I would do. It was boring and safe and whatever else he thought it was, but I didn’t care.

There was something entirely different about this. About Dan. Besides the superficial fact that he was the best sex I had ever had in my life, he was someone I thought I hated.

Thought being the operative word.

The loud beep from my microwave interrupted my thoughts. I forced myself to stand up from the couch and padded my way to retrieve my drink. I curled a stray strand of hair behind my back and slowly poured my hot milk into the waiting mug filled with chocolate-flavored powder and prepackaged marshmallows. I slowly stirred the concoction, the scraping of the metal spoon on the glass mug ringing in my ears.

How was this even possible? How could my feelings for Dan Holmes change so much because of sex? Was this high school all over again, where sex equaled love? I thought I was beyond that. I thought I was better than to let something so physical define my emotions.

But it was more than that. It had to be.

Maybe I didn’t actually hate Dan. Maybe he was just easy to hate. Maybe hate forced me to keep my distance when I didn’t really want to.

I pulled my spoon from the liquid and dropped it into the sink. I brought up the cup to my mouth and took a long drink. My eyes closed involuntarily as I let the liquid warm my throat. It soothed me more than a glass of wine could, even on a hot, summer night.

I went back to my couch and carefully set the mug on my coffee table. I grabbed my Roku control and sank into the old leather. I started flipping through my cable app, stopping when I reached the hockey game.

Second period, twelve minute and fifty-three seconds remaining.

I willed my finger to push the button, to flip through. I still had the entire season seven ofElementaryto binge-watch. I wasn’t even into hockey—not really. The games that I’d been to were because Lucy invited me, not because I was actually interested.

And yet, I couldn’t find it in me to move forward. If that wasn’t a metaphor of my life, I didn’t know what was.

I did know I needed to figure this out. I needed to consider Dan’s proposal.

At that moment, someone knocked on my door. I furrowed my brow, padding over. It couldn’t be Josh; he had all of his things.

Who else could it be, though? I didn’t have many friends—by choice.

When I looked through the peephole, I tensed. Lucy.

I sighed. I knew I’d have to sort this out eventually, especially since Dan and I were…

What?

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