Page 73 of All Our Ghosts

I raise my brow. “Unofficially?” I ask, smiling and feeling the bed dip next to me as he climbs in.

Holden smiles as he helps me lay back down, curling next to me, careful not to touch me too much. Something that I hate, but I know right now it will be too much and even if I had asked for him to wrap himself up into me, he wouldn’t, only to refrain from hurting me. Instead I settle for him laying close by, feeling his fingertips trace the exposed areas of my skin. I missed his touch. It’s been only a week, but I missed the way the roughness of his hands feel on me.

“Hewasa doctor. Had his own practice, but his license was taken away.” Holden’s eyes rake over my face as if he’s taking me in and memorizing me.

“You want to elaborate on that?” I ask, my voice straining as I look over at him. His eyes shoot to mine, brows furrowing again.

“Your throat hurt?” He asks gently.

I nod. “Probably from the water. It’s fine.”

Holden watches me for a moment, that pained look on his face appearing again as he looks for the lie. Truth is, right now, the pain, the soreness, none of it matters. What matters is him lying next to me. Him being here, with me. I raise my hand, running the knuckle of my index finger over the crease in his brow to smooth it out before running it down the length of his nose. His face softens with the gesture, just as I’d hoped.

“I’m fine, Holden,” I whisper.

He lifts his head and leans into me, watching me closely waiting for the whimper of pain to fall from my lips and even though it tweaks my side I hide it. My hand wraps around the back of his neck as I pull him to me, pressing his lips to mine. He’s tentative still, careful not to put too much weight on me, but I need more of him.

“Kadence,” he whispers against my lips when I try to deepen the kiss. I hum against him in response. “Baby,” he whispersagain, a low chuckle falling from his lips, pulling back from me. “You need to rest.”

He dips his head and captures my lips in a quick, tender kiss before moving to my cheeks and my nose. The movements of his lips, tracing my face with his kisses and leaving them anywhere they can reach open a floodgate of sensations in my chest. I remember feeling the warmth of his lips burning through my cold skin. I realize now that he’s tracing the bruises that litter my skin with his lips. Mapping and marking each one. The tenderness of it all forces the tears back to my eyes with the echoes of his pleas.

I can’t help but whine, trying to hold everything back. He pulls back again, cupping my face.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, kissing away the tears falling down my temple.

“I thought for sure…” I sigh, closing my eyes as my chest aches. “I didn’t think I’d survive that,” I rasp, looking back up at him. “I couldn’t–”

He trails his thumb over my cheek, giving me the time to collect my words as his eyes trace my features. Never pressing or pushing for me to relive that night.

My gaze finds his. “I couldn’t stop picturing your face,” I finally say after a moment, “and how I would never see it again.” I let out a strained sob as I tear my gaze from him. “I remember hitting a log, the little air I had got–”

“Sunflower, you don’t…” Holden buries his face into my neck.

I shake my head. “No secrets, remember?” I feel his lips against my neck, urging me to continue. “The air got knocked from me and when everything went black…I knew if there was a chance that I survived that, I would be done running.”

He lifts his head. “What do you mean?”

I tuck my fingers into his hair. “I don’t care about the car, or it getting fixed. I just want to be with you.” My voice trails off atthe end, I’m not unsure. I know that I want to be with Holden but the car. It’s still the last reminder I have of my father, and hearing the words come from my own mouth that I’m ready to give that up for him just solidifies what I already knew deep down.

I’m falling in love with Holden Nash.

“You don’t want to leave?” He sounds shocked but I don’t miss the tiny glimmer of hope that flickers in his eyes.

I shake my head. “No.”

“What about your mom?” He asks, his fingers comb through my hair until his hand rests at the back of my head, bringing me closer. I lean into him, pressing my forehead to his and close my eyes.

“What I told you about my mother was the truth,” I sigh, “She hasn’t been my mother for a long time. Just…the woman who gave birth to me.” I pull back from him. “My father used to say something about family not always being blood, I never knew what he meant until now.”

The corners of his mouth lift gently as his eyes rake over my features. “I think I know what you mean.”

I smile. “I thought you might.” I shift on the mattress unable to help the twist of my face when the pain becomes apparent again. It feels like a thousand tiny pins and needles are stabbing me in every direction. His hand rests on my cheek again, bringing my eyes open to the pained expression on his face. “Please stop looking at me like that,” I whisper brokenly.

“I’m sorry,” Holden replies gently, his fingers combing through my hair again. Something in his voice brings my attention to him again. He sounds…guilty? “I’m sofuckingsorry this happened,” Holden continues, shaking his head. “I should’ve just listened to you at Moon.”

“This wasn’t your fault,” I say with a soft shake of my head. “That bridge would have given out no matter who was standingon it. This would have ended up with someone getting hurt no matter where we fought.” I smile.

“I don’t want you getting hurt,” he sighs, lying on his back. “That’s the last thing I want.”

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