Page 72 of All Our Ghosts

I move to sit up but he stops me, his hands come to rest on my thighs gently and almost tentatively, as if he were to put any more pressure on me, I would break. Little does he know I already feel broken. There isn’t anything he can do to me that would make me feel otherwise.

“Let me sit up, please.”

His eyes search mine for a moment before he leans over the edge of the bed, grabbing the pillow he was using and sets it behind me. He helps me sit up against the headboard, adjusting the pillow. He’s unusually quiet as if he’s debating his words.

I reach for him as he sits down on the edge of the bed next to me, his body turned towards me, and his knee curled under him. I rest my hand on his cheek.

“It’s not your fault,” I say again.

Holden shakes his head. “I should have never left you.” His voice is so soft that I barely hear him. I tangle my fingers into the short beard forcing him to look at me.

“No, you shouldn’t have,” I start and his brows furrow, “but I should have told you the truth sooner.”

His head dips down as his fingers tangle with mine, bringing my hand to his lap. “Do you remember the bridge?” He asks in a shaky voice.

I nod. “I’m not giving up on you, Holden.”

“You swore no more secrets,” he says, looking back up at me. “I need to promise the same.” He feels distant, even with our hands intertwined and feeling his warmth radiate through me.

“You jumped in after me,” I ask, looking down at the bruises on his hands, “didn’t you?”

His face crumbles for a moment before he sucks in a breath. “Of course I did.”

I feel the emotions between us wash over me, tears stinging my eyes.He went after me. He didn’t give up on me.I remember the water and how raging it was with the storm and yet we both survived.

“Thank you,” I whimper.

He leans into me, pressing his forehead to mine. “I almost lost you.” Holden shakes his head, still pressed to mine, our noses brushing the other’s. “I can’t lose you, Kade.”

“You didn’t–you won’t,” I whisper, pulling back from him, my free hand pushes back the long hair from his face. “Ever.”

I search his eyes, tears have gathered in the corners of them, and I know he’s doing his best to keep them at bay where minehave failed. His thumb comes up to brush them away before resting on my jaw.

“How much pain are you in?” He asks softly, his fingers tracing over my skin tenderly. It was then I realize from the small jolt of pain that my chin must have been bruised.

I shake my head. “Right now, not a lot.” A smile graces the corners of my lips, trying to do anything to get rid of the look on his face. The one that makes me feel weak and fragile. “Why are you sleeping on the floor?” I ask.

“I didn’t want to hurt you, the bed–”

I shake my head, letting go of the hand in his lap and cupping his cheeks, forcing his gaze to mine.

“No more floor.” I want him close. I need him near me and a part of me didn’t care if it hurt to have someone laying next to me. I crave his warmth, his touch, the way he smells. I need it.

Holden leans in, carefully pressing his lips to mine, taking my top lip between his own before pulling back quicker than I liked. “Okay, baby.”

I smile again. It feels good to smile, to see the corners of his mouth quirk upwards from my movement. I want that smile back, the one that sends butterflies soaring in my stomach.

“What time is it?” I ask.

Holden turns his head in my hands, picking up his phone from the nightstand. “Six in the morning,” he rasps again.

The phone light gives me a view of the dark circles under his eyes. He’s exhausted. I can see it and hear it in his voice.

“Lay with me?” I whisper. “Please?”

He sets his phone down on the bed and lifts himself from the mattress, letting my hands drop.

“Lang will be here in a few hours to check on you,” he says as he rounds the bed, pulling back the heavy blanket I’ve been under. “He’s a doctor. Unofficially.”

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