Page 34 of Ordinary Girl

I look up as Kasper sits down next to me. “You’re not really giving me much of a choice, are you?”

He just smiles and starts rolling a joint.

“Who’s she?” I ask, jerking my head in the direction of Cady, who’s now holding court with a group of club girls who’ve just arrived.

“Cady Banks. Used to be Skip’s old lady, until she upped and left one day with a brother from our Iceland chapter.”

I frown. Looks like Cady missed out a few details when she was telling me her story. “I thought she said her partner was called Kel?”

“Kel died.”

“Yeah. Cady told me all about it.”

“Her and Skip became an item a little while back. Didn’t last long, though. And it was before he met your mama. Long before that.” Kasper looks at me. “She’s okay. She’s a good person.”

“She was told to come and talk to me, though, wasn’t she?”

“Maybe.” Kasper turns his attention back to the joint he’s rolling. “But only because people care about you.”

“Yeah. I’m hearing that a lot… Was it Skip? Who sent her?”

Kasper shrugs. “Probably.” He looks at me, holding out the joint. I shake my head, I’m not touching any of that shit. Not anymore. I need to keep a clear head from now on. “You talked to Skip much?”

“No.” I haven’t spoken to him much at all, since Mama’s death. Not that I remember, anyway. It’s possible he spoke to me when I was drugged up and sick with grief, I can’t recall. “There’s not really anything I want to say to him, to be honest.”

Kasper takes a drag of his joint, his eyes scanning the still almost empty clubhouse. “He’s a good man, you know.”

I don’t respond to that. I don’t want to. I’m tired of people telling me everyone around here is “good” because it sure doesn’t feel that way to me.

“He’ll take care of you.”

“I don’t need taking care of. That’s all anyone ever talks about, me being taken care of. I can look after myself.”

“It’s not safe for you to leave here, Ana.”

“So everyone keeps telling me.”

His eyes lock on mine. “Believe them. The Hawks, they don’t forgive or forget, that’s the kind of world you’re living in now. It’s shitty and it’s wrong but it’s reality.Yourreality.”

“If it’s that bad why are you here? What makesyouwant to be a part of this?”

“We’re all here because we want to be a part of something. We’re outsiders, and this place, it makes us feel like we belong.”

“But I’m not like you. I had a life. I had friends…” I drop my head, clasp my hands together in my lap, my shoulders sagging with resignation. “Had. I’m hearing that word a lot.”

There’s a moment of silence. Just the noise of people talking and laughing: the sound of the TV in the background.

“We could go for something to eat tonight. If you want.”

I look up, narrowing my eyes slightly. “Could we?”

“If you want to, yeah.”

“That’s allowed, is it?” I’m aware my tone is verging on sarcasm, but I don’t care. “I can leave, as long as I’m with one of you?”

“I’m not asking you out of duty or pity, Ana. I’m asking because I like you.”

And I liked him, once upon a time. Back in another life. That’s how it all seems now. Like I turned a corner and everything changed.

---