Page 35 of Ordinary Girl

“I’m not all that hungry,” I murmur, turning my attention back to the group of club girls over by the bar. Cady’s still holding court, gesticulating wildly as she regales them with some story or other. She oozes confidence, this woman who tried to be kind to me. I’m just not sure whether she was being genuine, or just following orders. And that’s exactly how I feel about Kasper. Does he really want to take me out, or is it just something Skip’s asked him to do?

“Just a drink, then?”

I frown. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because I like you, Ana. I already told you that.”

“Why? I mean, look at me! I’m a mess.”

“And that isn’t your fault.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“You ask a lot of questions.”

“I think it’s only right I ask a lot of questions. I have no idea who any of you are, I don’t know this place, this life. I’m scared and alone and I–”

“You’re not alone.”

“I feel like I am.”

“But you’re not.”

“Like I said, why are you being so nice to me?”

He smiles, a genuinely friendly smile that reaches his dark-blue eyes. “We’re not bad men, Ana.”

“Not until you have to be, right?”

His smile fades a little, and it’s his turn to drop his head. “Not until we have to be,” he murmurs. “Look, Ana, I know that you probably blame me for what happened, in some way.” He looks up, and for the first time in a long time I actually feel something; an emotion other than fear and anger and pain. Something lighter. Hope, maybe? No. That can’t be right, what hope could there possibly be in this situation? “You came to this place because of me. Your mama, she came looking for you, because of me–”

“It wasn’t your fault, Kasper.” Because it wasn’t, in reality. “It was my choice not to tell Mama where I was going. My choice, no one else’s. She came looking for me because I made the wrong decision.”

Another moment of silence passes, our eyes still locked. “I wish things could’ve been different,” he whispers.

“I can’t argue with you on that one,” I say, and I’m finding myself smiling at him. Lightening the mood. And it feels strange, to feel something other than empty and numb.

“So, what do you say? I know this great little pizza place in town that also serves really good beer.”

I don’t know. I don’t know whether I’m ready, I don’t think I am. In fact, I know I’m not, so I shake my head, and the disappointment in his eyes is all too obvious.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I just – I can’t.”

“I get it,” he sighs, taking one last drag on his joint before he stubs it out in the ashtray. “But if you change your mind…”

“She won’t.”

We both turn our heads to see Joel approaching, tall and imposing, his hands in his pockets, a heavy stubble now covering his jawline, his once slightly longer hair now cut into a shorter, almost smarter style, and I wonder why. Why has he done that? And then I realize I don’t care. Because I don’t. I don’t care about anything, least of all this man.

Kasper looks at Joel, frowning as he stands up. “I think she can make her own decisions, Joel.”

“Sure she can.” Joel fixes his gaze on me, raising an eyebrow. “But you’ve already done that, right?”

I nod, quickly dropping my head. I want to get out of here so bad, none of this even feels real right now. I’m still hoping it’s one long nightmare that I’ll wake up from, eventually.

“Skip wants a word,” Joel says, his attention obviously back on Kasper. I keepmy head down. I just want them all to go away, I’m tired. Of everything. “Come on. We’re getting out of here.”

It takes a second before I realize Joel’s talking to me again. And another second before I respond. Raise my gaze. Lock eyes with a man who’s always there, whether I want him to be or not. And it’s the latter. Always the latter.

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