Page 90 of Best Kept Secret

We walked a little more, the three of us, eating ice cream in comfortable silence. Pari skipped ahead, twirling in the grass as we moved. I watched her, my heart feeling heavy and light all at once.

"Darlin', talk to me," Beau said softly, his voice cutting through the fragile peace.

I didn't respond. I couldn't. I felt so foolish for pushing Pari away. And now that I had her back, how would I let her go?

"I missed myShonaso much," I confessed after a long moment as Pari sat down on the grass and talked to herself as she played with the dandelions.

"We missed you." His voice was raw. "I know I screwed up. I know I hurt you, and I hate myself for it. But seeing you with Pari today...this feels right. You, me, her. We're a family."

I sat down next to Pari on the grass, and stroked her hair. She looked up at me with wide eyes. "I'm makingchapatis."

"Are you, myShona?" I used to let her help me make them.

"Will you come home and makechapatisagain?" she asked innocently.

I turned to Beau, my heart heavy, my breathing shallow. "Beau, I—" I stopped, trying to find the words, trying to hold onto the peace I had felt just minutes ago.

He settled on the grass as well, our daughter in between us. "Pari, Angel, I told you thatMiramashihas a few things to do before she can come home. But she calls you every night, yeah? And she's going to see you every weekend from now on."

I wanted to laugh at his arrogance for making that decision for me—and I would, except I wanted to cry with relief, so I didn't. Iwasgoing to spend every weekend with them. Iwantedto.

He looked at me, silently asking if he'd done good.

"MyShona, I'm going to see you as much as I can," I promised her. "But Daddy is with you, and he's taking good care of you, isn't he?"

"He is,Miramashi," she said on an exaggerated sigh, "but you're my mommy, and I want you home."

Okay, so that was so fucking nice to hear, and so sad, all at the same time.

"Hey, hey, hey," Beau crooned, seeing the tears flooding my eyes. "Youareher mother."

"No, I'm not. A mother wouldn't have left her like I did."

"Isent you away," he said firmly. "You don't carrymyguilt andmyshame. Got it?"

Pari saw a butterfly and ran to it, and then began to converse with the various flowers.

"I want to come home." I sighed. "But…."

Beau put an arm around me, and kissed the side of my head. "I can't wait for you to be back, Mira, but you're not ready. I know that. There's no rush. There's no timetable on this. We have all the time in the world."

"It sounds like something Dr. Ryan would say," I told him, leaning into him, letting him surround me with his brand of love, affection, and security.

"By the way, Katya is very grateful that you forgave her."

I sniffled. "She and Trevor were…very persuasive." And they had been. They came home with Nova and apologized. I admired how open they were about how they had felt, like they'd missed out on Pari, and had inappropriately blamed me for it. Their openness made it difficult to hold their past behavior against them. I wouldn't say we were friends—but we were friendly, and I believed that, in time, we couldbecomefriends.

"They think, as I do, that you're generous and have a big heart." He took my hand in his and brought it to his lips, kissing my knuckles. "I want you in my bed again, Mira. I can't sleep for wanting you."

I didn't pull my hand away—though fear made me want to. Getting sucked into Beau Bodine's circle of influence again was scary.

"You hurt me. You didn't trust methen,and I don't trust younow."

He gave me a sad smile, which ignited the desire inside me to make everything good for him, the man I loved.

"I know, darlin'." He kissed my hand again, and laughed when Pari tumbled and then straightened. "She's so full of energy. You know, I never thought I'd have children, but now I can't imagine my life without her."

I used to not be able to, either. I'd let my parents interference take her away from me. Sure, they didn't get her, but I didn't, either. That thought made me feel queasy. I'd let them do this, and by staying away from Pari, I was letting them win and continue to hurt me, hurt Pari, hurt Beau.

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