Page 36 of Sebastian.

Her words offer some comfort, but the fear of the unknown still grips me. The thought of starting over, of facing life without my husband, is both terrifying and exhilarating. We’ve never had what I would consider a fairytale marriage, but still…this is not something I ever saw for us, not even in my nightmares. My mind drifts back to happier times—the joyous family vacations, the laughter around the dinner table, the love we once shared. But now, all I feel is a void, a chasm.

“Julia, darling, you don't have to make any decisions right away,” Mom says, her tone gentle. “But having Eveline on our side for when you do decide really is the best thing you could possibly do. Please trust me on this.”

I exhale slowly. Okay…I don't have to make any rash decisions today. That makes me feel a little bit better. I can take the time I need to figure things out, to confront my feelings and make the best choice for myself and my children.

As the afternoon sun bathes the terrace in a golden glow, I find myself lost in my thoughts, wondering if there's a way to salvage what's left of our family, or if it's time to let go and embrace a new chapter of life, one that's uncertain…and oh so lonely.

Gosh, I miss Seb so bad. I’d even accept an argument with him if it gave me a reason to hear his voice.

While I consider everything, a basket of freshly baked bread and a bowl of aromatic olive oil are brought to the table. Mom effortlessly dips a piece into the oil, her actions graceful and poised. Meanwhile, I keep my black frames on, trying to shield myself from the intensity of the situation. Sipping on my gin, I can feel the tension building in my shoulders, but I try to maintain my composure.

“He's just so blinded by his pride and arrogance,” I muse, voicing my frustration with Sebastian.

“Well, that's what we call irreconcilable differences,” Mom replies calmly, wiping her fingers on her napkin.

“You sound happy,” I point out, trying to make sense of her seemingly nonchalant demeanor. “I’m sure you’ve held out for something like this for a long time.”

“Don’t be silly, Julia. Whether you believe it or not, I just want the best for you. I’m simply afraid Sebastian is having some serious mid-life crisis, and…”

Something about her tone sets me off. “Oh Mom, stop it. It's because I threatened him that he's behaving like that,” I interject, my emotions getting the better of me. “Maybe my letter was too much.”

“Not at all. It was adequate given how he was behaving,” Mom says, her support evident. Support, and something else…maybe amusement? I don’t know what in the world she could find funny, but I’ve long since accepted that trying to decipher her thoughts and feelings is a useless endeavor.

“Did you read it?” I inquire, curious about her perspective of my letter. It had felt like the right thing to do at first, writing it, but I’ve since come to feel regret about the terrible threat that I included, desperate to get the upper hand.

“Sebastian showed it to me during our ride back here.” She pauses, taking a long drink of her wine and laughing softly. “I was actually impressed at how bold you were. That didn't seem like you. I know that isn’t what you want to hear, but there’s a time and place to be fierce, and Sebastian trying to skip his son’s wedding definitely qualified.”

“I might have been bold, but it didn't work out in my favor. Obviously.”

Mom opens her mouth like she wants to say something, but stops herself, changing tactics. “Well, that is true, but you gave it your best shot. Shall I schedule a meeting with Eveline for you to at least get to know your options? She's very good and has handled very high-profile cases. There is truly no one more qualified to handle your possible divorce.”

Being so pushy usually would make me deny my mother just on principle but I can’t deny that her suggestion brings both apprehension and curiosity. Eveline represents a path I never thought I would consider. The mere thought of ending my marriage, a chapter that seemed destined to last a lifetime, fills me with a sense of loss. But this is my mother, one of the sharpest, shrewdest women to ever live. She keeps society wrapped around her finger, and wields the power that she’s gained over her life like a weapon. I would trust her with almost anything, so why should this be any different?

Torn in two different directions, I sigh. “I don't know, Mom. This whole situation feels overwhelming,” I tell her, my fingers tracing the rim of my gin glass. “I never imagined I'd be in this position.”

Mom nods sympathetically, fingernails tapping on her glass. “I know, darling. But sometimes life throws unexpected challenges our way. The important thing is to face them head-on and make decisions that are best for you.”

As Stuart, the butler, approaches us, I'm momentarily distracted from my swirling thoughts. “Should I tell everyone lunch is served, Lady Margaret?”

“Oh, yes, please,” Mom replies, giving him a gracious nod. As Stuart departs to announce the meal, Mom seizes the moment to press me further on the matter of Eveline. “Listen, my love, I’ve talked to Eveline at length this morning and told her I would give her an answer as soon as possible. She has a very full schedule, as you can imagine. What do you say?”

“Why not, I can at least talk to her,” I concede, attempting to sound more resolved than I actually feel. The idea of discussing the intricacies of my crumbling marriage with a complete stranger feels daunting, but perhaps it's a necessary step towards clarity and understanding my options.

Her eyes gleam with a hint of satisfaction. “Good, it's best to be well-informed. You’re just considering your options, that's all, but we want to make sure you have the very best representation if worst comes to worst.”

I manage a weak smile, grateful for my mother's support, yet my heart remains heavy with uncertainty. As the rest of the family begins to gather for lunch, the joyful chatter around the table contrasts sharply with the turmoil in my mind. I feel a profound sense of disconnection, as though I'm observing this scene from afar, rather than being fully present.

The rest of the family joins us at the table, and I keep quiet while I observe the dynamics between my children and their partners. Andries and Roxanne appear blissfully happy, their hands intertwined, sharing tender glances that remind me of the early days of my marriage with Sebastian. Elise and Dan's playful banter brings a smile to my face, and I’m filled with nostalgia, remembering the carefree years of my own youth.

I notice Hannah's proximity to Johan, and I fight not to roll my eyes. My daughter is growing up, and as much as I want to protect her from heartache and disappointment, I know that she must forge her own path in matters of the heart. Still, it's hard to ignore the tiny spark of concern that flares within me. Johan, to his credit, seems equally interested in what she’s saying while also keeping a respectful distance from her.

Just as the family settles into their seats, my brother Alex joins us, accompanied by Petra and their two children. I'm glad for his presence. Alex, at least, knows the ins and outs of the situation I’m in right now, and there is no judgment from him. I don’t have to school my expressions or watch what I say as carefully around him.

After making sure that his family is settled, Alex turns to me and nonchalantly says, “Once I leave here I’m actually heading over to Jan’s with Sebastian. Would you like to join me?”

His question throws me off. “Oh. Well…thank you, but I have no intention of seeing him anytime soon. Especially with a crowd of people around us.”

Alex nods in understanding. “I get it. I didn’t think that you would go, but I wanted to make sure you had the choice. Take all the time you need, Jules. We're here for you, no matter what.”

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