Page 37 of Sebastian.

“Thanks. You’ve done so much for me lately. I appreciate it so much.”

“It’s not a problem. But…is there any message you’d like to relay to Sebastian?”

I take a moment to gather my thoughts before answering, fully aware of the gravity of my words. “You may tell him,” I begin, my voice firm yet tinged with vulnerability, “that I'm having a meeting with one of the best divorce attorneys in the country. If he wants to save whatever is left of us, he should throw his pride out of the window and change his tune once and for all.”

My brother seems shocked at first. I guess Mom didn’t fill him in on the whole Eveline situation. Alex lets out a heavy sigh, and I see the worry etched on his face. “I don't think this is going to work out the way you think it will, Julia,” he admits, his tone filled with genuine concern. “Seb believes you betrayed him first with that letter. Dropping some vague threat about a divorce attorney is just going to put him right back on the offensive. I know he’s feeling a little regret right now, and you don’t want to squander that.”

Everyone around us is starting on the salad course, their chatter drowning out my conversation. I can see Petra shooting glances our way, but she doesn’t interrupt. “What exactly was I supposed to do, Alex? He'd have never even come over if I hadn't done that,” I retort, feeling cornered.

“Okay, so you got him to come here. How did that go for you?” Alex raises an eyebrow, and I can feel myself clenching my jaw. “Maybe it would have been for the better if he didn’t come at all. The only thing you got out of it was another argument.”

He’s right, but I hate that he is. I spread my napkin over my lap with an annoyed flick of my wrist, watching Alex swirl the whiskey he ordered. “But––”

“No buts, Jules. Let him be. He didn't want to attend, and that's okay. You can't force people to do things they don't want to. When you do, you end up in the situation you’re in right now-–much worse than it was before he showed up yesterday.”

The urge to continue to argue my side is strong, but deep down, I know that my letter was a desperate move to salvage any chances of Sebastian attending the wedding by my side. I had hoped that by giving him an ultimatum, he’d realize how truly important Andries’s wedding was to me. Instead, it seems to have pushed him further away.

“It was his oldest child's wedding, for God’s sake. His pride went above the happiness of his family. There's no denying that.” Sadness wells in me. The realization of how far we've drifted apart is painful to acknowledge, but it’s pointless to deny my feelings around Alex…and Mom, for that matter. They know me too well.

“I know. I'm just trying to help,” Alex says, putting a comforting hand over mine. “You know I care about you both.”

“Just tell him about the attorney. Make it seem like a secret that you weren’t supposed to tell him, so he doesn’t know that it’s coming from me.” It’s another idea that I’m not sure will play out the way I want it, but perhaps this approach will break through the walls he's built around himself.

“I'll do my best, Jules,” Alex replies, his gaze filled with brotherly affection. “And remember, I'm here for you, no matter what happens.”

Alex’s attention is pulled away by his tiny daughter, and I take that as my cue to actually eat. I haven’t had an appetite in days, but making myself sick from hunger isn’t going to help anything. Everything is fresh and tastes of summer. The lunch continues, and I watch as Mom speaks up. “This is so lovely, everyone. It’s sad to think that when summer ends this place is going to feel so empty.”

“Don't worry, Oma, we will visit you often,” Andries assures her, and Roxanne nods in agreement. “It's really peaceful here.”

“Thank you, my dear. It is,” Mom acknowledges, leaning back as she scans around the outdoors. “It's like a little piece of heaven.”

The next person to speak surprises me. “Thank you for having me, Lady Margaret,” Johan adds. “I really appreciate the hospitality. It’s been such an enjoyable stay.”

“You're welcome, my dear. You are almost like family at this point, anyway.” Her mouth quirks up as she says this, and she’s giving Hannah a suspicious glance. My daughter, who is sitting right by Johan, looks at her Oma with big eyes.

While we eat, my thoughts keep drifting back to the conversation I had with Alex earlier. Is there any hope of saving my marriage with Sebastian? I know he feels betrayed by my letter, but what choice did I have? I wanted him to change, to prioritize his family over his pride and arrogance.

But Alex is right, maybe I can't force him to do something he doesn't want to do. Perhaps it's time for me to accept that our marriage has run its course, and it's time to move on. Maybe meeting with the divorce attorney, is the right step for me.

I finish off my gin, waving my hand for the server to bring me another. I’m trying to push away the uncertainty and pain that's been consuming me. I need to be strong, even if that feels like the most difficult thing in the world right now.

Lunch continues, and I try my best to engage in the conversation, but my mind keeps wandering back to the looming decision ahead. The happiness that is apparent all around me is such a contrast to everything that I'm going through. It's almost surreal how life can be so beautiful yet so complicated at the same time.

In the midst of all this, I steal glances at Hannah and Johan. I can't afford any more surprises. It figures that my mother would be the one to know more than I do about their relationship. She seems to have eyes and ears in every corner of the world.

* * *

After lunch, I try to relax and enjoy the remaining hours of the afternoon with my children by the pool. The summer heat embraces us, and the clear blue sky stretches endlessly above. It's a picture-perfect day, and I try to make that the main focus of my life right now. I watch as Andries climbs out of the pool, toweling his hair off. Once he spots me, he comes in my direction, settling down in the lounge chair next to me. He looks so happy. I can’t remember the last time that I’ve seen him smile like he has the past two days. No matter what I think of Roxanne, I’m grateful that she makes him feel so wonderful.

“It's an amazing day today, isn't it?” I remark, keeping the topics light.

“You bet,” my son replies, but I can sense that there's something else on his mind, and I brace myself for the question that I know is coming.

“Mom…did you speak to Dad about that video?” Andries asks finally once he gets the nerve to do so.

I sigh, sitting up a little straighter. “I did, sweetheart. Don't worry about it.” I’d really love to dismiss the topic, but I know that he won't be so easily placated.

“Of course I worry. I never thought he'd go to a club with Karl on my wedding day. Fuck….” He drags a hand through his damp hair, heaving a long sigh. “After everything that Karl has done to us, I can't believe he's still on his side, despite their connection,” Andries vents, frustration lacing his words. He sounds almost as disappointed as I feel.

---