Page 60 of Down My Chimney

“Fifteen thousand dollars?” my parents said at the same time, their eyes cutting to me.

“Maybe youshouldchange majors,” my dad said thoughtfully.

My mom nodded. “At least to find out if your business plan is realistic. You do have a business plan, right?”

“And quarterly goals?” my dad added.

I couldn’t help laughing. My parents would always be my parents. They were physically incapable of giving less than one-hundred-and-ten percent at all times. But it felt good to be on the same side, finally.

“So, look,” Matty said as I walked him to the door after dinner. “There’s one other thing I wanted to ask you.”

“Yeah?”

He studied his shoes. “When you asked Taylor to switch rooms with you last spring, so you could have the second single. Was that—was that because you were afraid of how I’d react, if I found out you were gay?”

I blinked. He sounded so full of remorse. But I wasn’t thinking about his reaction at all when I’d wanted to change rooms. Not specifically, anyway. I’d just wanted the single so Henry could visit.

Matty looked up. His eyes glistened. “I just wanted to say, I wouldn’t blame you if that was why. I wish I’d been a better friend to you. I spent a lot of last year wondering what I’d done to make you pull away. It felt like you didn’t want to be my friend anymore. But I get it, now, if I made you feel uncomfortable. And I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

I pulled him into a hug, squeezing so hard he grunted.

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

* * *

I planned on coming out to Dev and Taylor on Sunday night when we were all back from Thanksgiving. I worked it out with Matty, who promised to be there to back me up. He promised to find a new apartment with me in the spring, too, if they took it badly. I was nervous, but I was so ready for this to all be over. To not be hiding anymore.

But when the time came, words failed me.

“Um, guys?” I said, clearing my throat.

Taylor was sprawled on the futon again, with Dev in an armchair and Matty on the floor. We’d ordered pizza, and I’d just set it down on the coffee table. Matty flipped the box open, then looked at me expectantly.

Taylor and Dev tore their gazes away from the TV, and suddenly, I couldn’t speak a single word. Fuck. I just wanted this to be done, and it wasn’t going togetdone if I didn’t say something, but my throat was so dry, and I wasn’t sure I remembered how my mouth worked, or how to even form a sentence in the English language, and this was going to be an absolute—

“Blake’s gay, and if you give him any shit about it, I’ll beat you up,” Matty said. “I mean, he’ll probably beat you up too, but I will also be on board.”

Then he reached for a slice of pizza like he hadn’t just dropped a bomb in the middle of the room. Dev gaped at him, then at me. Taylor frowned.

“Wait, are you two, like, dating?” he asked. “Are you gonna be hooking up around us and shit?”

“What, Matty and me?” I laughed. “Ew. No. Gross.”

“Hey,” Matty said around a mouthful of pizza. “Rude.”

“I thought that would make you feel better,” I told him. “Now you don’t have to worry about me ogling you when you’re naked.”

“I expect everyone to ogle me when I’m naked. I’m frankly offended that you wouldn’t.”

“Blake’s too busy oglingme,” Dev said with a grin. “That’s what a low-carb diet will do for you.”

Matty threw a piece of crust at him.

“I’m not ogling anyone,” I said, exasperated. “I was dating my friend Henry for a while, though. Until he dumped me. And we did hook up in the apartment. And if that kind of thing bothers you, please just tell me now so I know if I should find a new place to live.”

“You and Henry? I knew it!” Matty pointed his slice of pizza at me triumphantly. “I fucking knew there had to be some reason you two were hanging out. He was here way too much for him to just be a friend of the family.”

“He was here like, two times.”

---