Page 98 of Sick Bargain

KRYPT

I almost killed him,and I’m thankful for it.

He originally came to me intending to make me murder him. Everything he’s done since then has fucked with my mind, making me wonder if it’s real or if it’s a trick to break me until I blackout and kill him just like he wants me to.

Now I know for sure.

Because he stopped me. He doesn’t want me to kill him anymore, which means his intentions have changed and I can finally trust him. But having my trust, my attention, and being the object of my obsession won’t be easy for him, and I have no plans of backing down from who I am. Remiel will either thrive or flounder under my interest, and it’s up to him to decide. I’ll control everything else.

He’s worried about me. I can tell by the way he glances at me when he doesn’t think I’m looking and the way his hand won’t leave me. Even though he’s subtle about it, it’s always touching me, grazing my arm, butting up against my leg, or resting on my knee.

If I’m being honest, I need it.

Because I’m drained. Mentally and physically. I’ve been fighting with my mind for days, trying to keep Axel out. Hedenied me sleep to see if my mind would become pliable. He starved me until I was delusional. He mutated my memories into something else, made me believe lies, and tricked me into thinking Remiel had died. I almost snapped then, but some tether, whether it was a bone-deep knowing or a tickle of fate, told me he was still here, in my world.

Axel Graves is giving his show-and-tell report to Vile House. We’re in the theatre room, tensions are high, and no one knows who to trust. He’s proving to them that Reaper Corp is after Moros, and I can tell Director believes it. Somehow, Vile House is going to work with Axel Graves, and I fucking hate it because I want to kill that fancy prick. Wipe that pretty smile right off his dead face, and let Remiel witness the moment life blinks out of his eyes.

I haven’t said a word since the meeting started. I haven’t answered a single question about what happened to me, where the lab is, or if I’m okay. Because I don’t know. I fucking failed. Axel turned off my tracker at the quarry and then poisoned me, and I’ve never felt more humiliated. I don’t want to talk about it.

“I am formally requesting your permission to move my lab and studies to the South Ward of the asylum,” Axel says.

Kyd sighs dreamily, and it pisses me off so much that I grab Remiel’s wrist and dig my fingers into my name. It’s healed considerably while I’ve been gone, and I don’t fucking appreciate that. I’m the one who’s supposed to heal him. Not time.

Shouting breaks out, all the boys fighting for control. Benton Wentworth and his billions of dollars are mentioned, Axel’s source of funding, his birth father, Medic, and the threat of Reaper Corp. The asylum belongs to Vile House and Director’s family, but it also belongs to Moros, and we’re fiercely protective of it. Guess we’ll just have to see if Moros is really what Axel wants to save, or if this is all just one elaborate con set to ruin us and our town.

“Go,” Director says to me when I close my eyes to tune it all out. My head isn’t right, which means I don’t feel safe. “Rest.”

I grab Remiel and drag him out of the theatre room.

But I don’t take him to my room. I can’t go in, knowing he suffered in there while I was gone. He asks me three times where we’re going, and after my third silent answer, he shuts up. He shuts up through the tunnels, doesn’t comment when I push him into the passenger seat of my SUV, and stays quiet as we drive down Death Row.

I stop in front of his shop, parking without a word. I breathe through my nose and try to stabilize. I’m not even sure what is eating me alive.

Panic. Fear. Exhaustion. An overwhelming sense ofeverythingbecause Remiel fucking chose me. He wants me. He decided to be mine even though I freed him. There’s a small part of me that wonders if he only succumbed to it because he knew I wouldn’t let him go anyway, but that minuscule chance that he really does want to belong to me is astounding. So much so that I’m struggling to manage it.

“Get your cello.”

“Why?”

I grip the steering wheel, and he doesn’t say more. When he gets out, closing the door behind him, I open my eyes to the nightly sights of Moros’ downtown. Pedestrians walk, robed figures slink, and teens run between buildings and alleys. It’s normal. Comfortable. Calm. The thick mist is natural, the cawing crows are familiar, and the shop signs are companionable. Everything is the same as when I left it, minus the Matter Cult and Gregory Malone.

So, why does it feel so different?

Is it because I’m insignificant? Moros doesn’t need me. They need Vile House, but nothing and no one relied on me while I was trapped in Axel’s bunker. I wasn’t needed, missed, orrequired. Vile House can survive without me, like they have for decades before I came. I’m a blink in time of Moros history, a masked member of the ten. Do I deserve my mask?

Who would I be without it?

Did I do anything good while locked away? Did I give Axel the answers he was looking for? Will the newfound knowledge help him mind-control Reaper Corp to save our town?

Did Remiel even miss me? Did he look for me? Did he break apart into beautiful fragments, or did he hold himself together in my absence? Perhaps, like Moros, I’m a blip of time in his life, too.

I’ve never second-guessed like this before. Not since I was a child and my parents feared me for reasons unknown. Killing them was my awakening, and since that night, I’ve been confident and lethal, despite wishing for a diagnosis. Now I’m unsure about everything, and I don’t know the root of it.

Remiel. But why? Why does his opinion matter? What importance does he play in the foundation of who I am? What difference does he make inmylife whenI’mthe one who controls his?

What do I seek from him?

He looks into my eyes like he understands me, and that’s not something I’ve experienced before. I think I crave it. Need more of it. Because Remiel is the only person who ever saw my monsters and coaxed them into loving him. I don’t think I’m capable of love, but whatever monsters live inside me are, and they picked Remiel, making me want to obsess over him forever to understand why. Why do they love him? Why do they change the way I think about life and its meaning?

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