Page 97 of Sick Bargain

“Well?” I shove my wrist right in front of him. “You gonna do it? You gonna kill me? Do it. Cut here.”

It’s barely noticeable, but his hand shakes and his eyes pulse. He stares at his name on my wrist, unblinking. His eyes leak as confusion mounts. His mind is a mess, and he doesn’t know what to listen to. Axel’s order, or the physical reminder of who he is and who I am right in front of him.

I watch him, ready to die here if he chooses to end me. It’ll break my family curse, anyway,so fucking have at it, Krypt. You’re the only person I’ve ever loved, and it’d be a blessing to die by your hand.

“Remi,” Ghost warns me, seeing the decision on my face. “Don’t.”

Remind me who I am.

Krypt’s watering eyes shift, taking in every tattoo, burn, and scar he’s left on my skin. When he gets to my chest, I put my hand there and look him straight in the eyes as I remind him who he is.

“We’re sicker together, remember?” My voice shivers, stuttering and betraying the absolute fear within me. It might be a blessing to die by Krypt’s hand, but now that he’s back in front of me, I’m choosing to be his, even though I’m free. I don’t want to die before I make him mine again. I tap the word burned into my skin. “We’re sicker together, Krypt.”

He blinks for the first time, and the whole chamber holds its breath. The Vile Boys are poised and ready to strike, Axel and Kyd watch with rapt interest, and Director clutches his arm and side, waiting to see what his trained soldier is going to do. I don’t know the state of the ten zombies, and maybe I don’t want to. All I care about at this moment is Krypt and whatever inner battles he’s fighting.

A sound comes out of him, something between a choke and a grunt. His hand still grips the hilt of the knife, but his knuckles are white and his wrist is shaking. His eyes stare at his name tattooed on my collarbone.

“Mine,” he says, barely audible.

“Even though you freed me, I’ll always be yours.” I lower my hands to my sides and let him make this decision. Can he fight Axel’s control, or will he kill me to follow orders? It’s up to him now.

His back straightens and his fingers dent the back of my neck, digging in so hard that pain shoots into my skull. He blinks again, keeping his eyes closed. His nostrils flare. The Vile Boys step forward…

I’ve never anticipated a moment so much in my life. Not when I took a suicide pill, and not when I almost gave up outside the door to this very chamber.

Open your eyes and see me, Krypt. Look at me as yours and remember all the ways we fester together to create something poetically eternal. See my sickness and let it match yours, and when we’re combined as one, love me as an obsession.

His eyes open. The silver sparkles at me, and beneath the surface, his monsters are back to rattling their chains. “Remiel,” he says, voice jittery and normal. “Fuck. Fuck. Remiel.” He doesn’t loosen his hand on my neck, but he pulls me tighter, dropping the knife.

I sag with assuagement and break wide open. My heart spills onto the floor and his possessive hands come around me, not to hug, but to contain.

“I’m… so...”

Sorry.

He’s never apologized to me for anything other than when I found out about Soren being a Vile member. I don’t know if I’m allowed to hug him, so I lean against him, press my cheek to the side of his head, and let it all out. All of it. The pain, the worry, the fear, and the fucking relief that he’s here, standing in front of me, breathing and alive.

“Ah! Amazing! It worked!” Axel excitedly shouts, still holding a blade to Kyd’s throat while Kyd stays cozy by trying to snuggle against his front. “Remarkable, Remi. This is the first time I’ve had absolute control of him, and I had to drug him to get it. Even through the brainwashing, the mind control, and the drug, you still broke him out of it. Absolutely remarkable.”

Nothing feels remarkable. I’m fucking angry! He’s had Krypt for two weeks, and I’ve realized how dependent I am on him. It’s pathetic, but Krypt is the driving force in my life, and I’ve never worried like I did while he was gone. As adrenaline fades, feelings flood back.

“Don’t,” Krypt whispers next to my ear. “Remiel.” He pushes me back so he can look at me. He takes his time studying everything about me, from my eyes and how tired they are to the healing my wounds have done. “Are you…”

I nod, expecting him to ask if I’m okay.

“Mine. Are you mine?”

My eyes brim with tears, and I feel stupid about it. Fuck. He’s seen and put me into so many humiliating positions that this should be nothing. But it’s not nothing. It’s the start of what we will become. It’s freedom and the choice to remain a prisoner. It’s a life meshed and a mind warped. It’s pain and comfort, depravity and sin, hopes and newfound desires. It’s nightmares that feel comfortable and curses that feel powerless.

“Remiel, are you mine?”

I grab the sides of his face, swiping my thumbs over his cheeks. He bristles at my touch but doesn’t move away. “I was yours the night I walked into Vile House. Free or not, I’m fucking yours.”

Krypt wraps his hand around my throat and squeezes hard. “Big fucking mistake, Remiel,” he says, but he looks relieved about it.

32

WHO AM I NOW?

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