Page 25 of See Her

12

JACK

“Baby, it’s me.I know you’re upset, but I want to talk about this.Please call me.”

I’m such a fucking idiot. She’s been everything to me these last couple of weeks.She’s made me laugh, she’s listened, she’s been supportive, and she’s shared herself in return.She’s turned into some sort of fixture in my life that I didn’t know was missing.I’m totally consumed, thinking about how she must be feeling as I draw beers and pour shots.I’m also trying to figure out just why I’ve been such a fucking coward about playing in front of her.I couldn’t explain it to her because I’m not even completely sure of the reason myself, which is why I stumbled over words and couldn’t form any kind of intelligent response– because there is none.I’m on total autopilot an hour into my shift when I hear, “Are you trying to turn that glass back into sand?” I look up as Tyler sits down on a stool in front of me.

“What?” I ask, trying to focus on him.

“I think that glass was dry ten minutes ago, but you’re still rubbing the shit out of it with that towel.”

“Oh, yeah,” I say, racking the glass and throwing the towel over my shoulder.“What are you doing here, man? It’s your Saturday off.”

He shrugs. “Nothing goin’ on tonight, believe it or not.”

“You’re shitting me,” I say. “No females you need to devote your services to tonight?”

“Nah,” he chuckles. “I think they’re all worn out.”

“Impressive,” I respond as I grab a glass and draw another beer for the guy next to him.

“What about you?” he asks. “How are things going with that little friend of yours?Mayzie, right?”

“Right,” I say, although ‘friend’ isn’t the right word.“And things are not great at the moment.”

“Uh oh, what’s going on? She getting too clingy? Trust me, I know what that’s like,” he says, rolling his eyes.

If he only knew that I’m the clingy one for the first time in my life.

“No,” I say resting both hands on the bar. “She’s just upset that she hasn’t seen Turn it Up play yet.”

“So why didn’t she stay last night?” He furrows the space between his eyebrows as he grabs at one of the cocktail swords and starts fiddling with it absentmindedly.

“Actually…” I say, lowering my head so my hair falls in my eyes. “She didn’t know about last night’s show. In fact, I’ve never let her know when we have a show. When we’ve played, I haven’t told her about it at all.”I hear silence in response, and when a few seconds pass, I finally look up again so I can gauge Tyler’s reaction.He’s staring at me with a deadpan expression, his mouth slightly open. And it’s not only his attention that I have. The patron whose beer I just refilled is staring at me with considerable interest. Finally, Tyler speaks.

“And the reason you don’t want her to see you play is…” he motions for me to finish his sentence.

“What about her friend you talked to yesterday?” I ask, straightening up and trying to divert him by bringing up Annie. “You couldn’t talk her into spending the evening with you?”

“Nice try, fucker,” he shoots back promptly with narrowed eyes. “Why haven’t you invited Mayzie to see your band play?”

“She shot you down, didn’t she?” I stare him down with a cocky nod.

“Not important. Why haven’t you asked the girl you’re all fucked up over to see your band play?”

“I don’t fucking know, alright?” I exhale gruffly, dropping my hands to my sides. “My whole life has been my music, and now she’s here. I have this weird feeling that when both these things coexist in my life…” I lock my fingers together to illustrate my point, but don’t know how to further express what I’m feeling. I take a beat, breathing in deeply before the right words fall out. “She might be my life now, not just my music. And once those two things meet, I don’t think I’ll be able to have one without the other,” I voice, staring at the bar top, realizing I’m explaining things to myself more than anyone else. “If Mayzie leaves me right now, I’ll still have my music.”

“But the minute you bring them together, you won’t be able to live without either one,” Tyler finishes for me, before adding, “and once that happens, if you ever lose her, the music won’t be the same anymore.”

I drop my head again as the realization of what he said rolls over me.He hit the nail on the head, I think.

“I’m also afraid of what she’ll think of it. Our music. She’ll like it, sure,but what if she doesn’t love it? I’m afraid of how that would make me feel, man.”

Look at me. Afraid Mayzie will love my music, which would bond her to it, and afraid she won’t love it enough. I need help.

“Have you really thought about that? Like really given it some thought and really pictured her not loving your music?Because if you’ve thought through a scenario that ends with her not completely swooning over your music, I think you’re full of shit.”

I don’t answer because that’s the thing. I don’t know. Whenever I think of it, I can never seem to see how it ends up.

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