Page 24 of See Her

“I’m sorry,” I butt in, quickening my stride a couple of steps to catch up in the doorway. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but was there a band playing last night?”

“Yeah,” Red guffaws, rolling her eyes dreamily skyward beforeletting them come back down to meet mine. “This local band, Turn it Up.”

My heart pounds hard against my chest wall as soon as the band’s name is out of her mouth.

“Sexiest rock music you’ve ever heard,” she goes on as I try to wrap my head around the fact that I was just here with Jack last night, and he didn’t tell me he had a show. “Have you seen them play before?” she asks, eyebrows lifted in question.

“Uh, no,” I stammer out, and the admission tastes bitter on my lips in this moment. I was giving Jack time to invite me into that part of his life and not just turn up at a show. But here he is now, declaring me his, and he doesn’t tell me he has a show that very night?

“And the lead singer?” Red continues. “He is every woman’s wet dream and he’s working here tonight, so we’re headed in to get our flirt on,” she informs me.

With that, she and her friend whip through the door, letting the heavy slab of wood close slowly behind them while I stand here on the sidewalk, trying to process everything I just heard.

My heart turns to cold concrete and feels like it’s dropping into my stomach as I try to figure out if I should be feeling this way. I feel my skin start to buzz, the feeling I get when anger starts to manifest, making me more frustrated. I don’t know if any of these feelings are even rational; there’s so much to process.

Less than twenty-four hours being together, I’m not Jack’s keeper, he doesn’t have to tell me when he’s playing, but… shouldn’t he?

I don’t know what to think right now. All I know is these nameless girls that are wearing belts for skirts have seen him play… and I haven’t.

Moving out of the way of other pedestrians, I prop a shoulder against the stone wall and pull out my phone, not even sure yet what I plan to do with it. I don’t know if I should call Annie, text her, text Jack…

I need time, by myself, to process this. I need music, a hardwood floor, and solitude.

Turning away from the bar entrance and back towards my car, I tap out a text to Jack.

Me: I’m not going to make it tonight after all. I’m sorry. Have a good night.

After walking the rest of the way to my car and sliding behind the wheel, my phone rings, displaying his name on the screen. I don’t know what makes me answer it, but I can’t seem to help myself as I swipe to accept the call.

“Hey.”

“Hey, everything alright?” He sounds genuinely concerned.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I just…” How the hell do I say this? “I just heard that your band played last night.” I wave my hand in explanation even though he can’t see me, and drop it in my lap.

The silent pause I’m met with can’t be a good sign.

“Yeah,” his voice finally comes down the line again, albeit quietly. “I’m… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Why didn’t you?” I push, suddenly wanting to get to the bottom of this so I can stop feeling this way. “Do you not want me at your shows?”

“No, that’s not it at all.” is tone picks up pitch now.

“Well then, what is it?” I ask in a huff. “Because to have me standing right in front of you the same night you have a show and not tell me about it is not adding up to anything good, Jack.” I hear a domineering tone in my voice that surprisingly makes me feel a little proud of myself.

“I know,” he sighs heavily into the phone. “I know, you’re right, this doesn’t look good. It’s just… I don’t know. It’s complicated.”

“It must be,” I respond, trying to sound completely unaffected, even though I’m inwardly seething, “to be able to tell a person you want to be in a relationship with them but leave out the chance for them to see you do what you love most...” I shake my head, just realizing from my own words why this hurts the way it does. Playing music is his passion… and he doesn’t want me to see. Or possibly…

“Did you not tell me so that you can appear available to your female fans?” I chance, feeling my chest twist and tighten at the thought of the two girls I encountered.

“Fuck no,” the conviction returns to his voice. “Don’t you ever think that! Put that out of your mind right now,” he commands in a way that only a tender boyfriend could, and it’s maddening.

“Well,” I chuckle lightly into the phone. “When you figure out a way to un–complicate it, let me know.” It’s a bad sign when my cynical, sarcastic side starts to step in. I need to go. “In the meantime, I want to be alone, and you need to get back to work.” I sign off, ending the call before adding out loud to myself,“And you have two thirsty fangirls waiting on you to serve them so they can throw their panties up on the bar!”I say under my breath, grinding my teeth as I toss my phone on the passenger seat and start the ignition.

After a drive home to change into my dance clothes, I dare a look at my phone as I walk into my house.

Jack: This isn’t over.

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