Page 24 of Surviving the Darkness

I nod my head and walk back to my room. I hate meeting new people, especially when the people taking care of me arethe same age as me if not a little younger. The nurse seems nice enough, but I hate feeling like a burden. I know it’s her job, but it still fucking sucks to let someone else take care of me.

I take a seat on the chair in my room and pick up the romance book a nurse let me borrow, so I don’t lose my mind. That was after Storm okayed it, and I wasn’t a danger to myself or some shit. I had to sit through awkward therapy sessions just to get the book in my hands. I never thought I would cry over a book, but I did. I think it’s more that I’ve started feeling like myself again after the book touched my hand.

I enjoyed reading before being taken, and I feel like with this in my hands, I got a little piece of myself back. It sounds stupid now that I think about it, but who cares? This book means so much to me. It offered me an escape when I needed one the most. It’s allowed me to get lost in the story and finally find some peace. It may just be words on pages, but the story heals a little bit of me one chapter at a time.

I’m sitting on the chair in my room reading until a knock at my door pulls me back to reality. I look up and see a nurse carrying a tray of food. My mouth salivates at the sight. She comes in and places the food down on the rolling table. I’ve slowly been allowed more items since I’ve shown I’m no longer a threat to myself.

I greet the nurse, Minnie, and take the meds she offers me. One is an antibiotic, another is an antidepressant, and a third is for anxiety. I grab the juice off the tray and swallow down the pills, sticking out my tongue after to show I took them like the good girl I can be. Once she’s satisfied, she leaves me alone to eat in peace.

I finish off the tray and leave it on the table to resume reading. I get lost in the story for a while until another knock interrupts me. When I look up, I expect it to be Minnie, but instead I find Ethan in the doorway. His elbow rests on the frame, his armscrossed over his chest, and he looks so fucking good. I thought yesterday had been a dream, but it must have actually happened since Ethan is here.

I give him a nervous smile, and the butterflies in my stomach start to take flight. Making sure I place the bookmark in the right place, I shut the book and stand to greet the handsome man in the doorway.

“Hey!” I smile up at him.

“Hey, lightning bug, how are you today?” Ethan asks.

“Not so bad. I was wondering if yesterday had been just a dream, but here you are, standing in the door to my room.”

“Not a dream, babe. What do you say we go meet with the doc, then get the hell out of here?” Ethan says.

“Sounds good, but I’m not sure they’ll allow me to leave yet. I know I have a way to go, and I don’t exactly have a home since I won’t go back to the guys’ house. There’s too much pain there that I can’t get past,” I say.

“You’ll stay with me. When we leave here, you’re going to be my new roommate. I’m going to help you get through this, don’t worry your pretty little head. Now, let’s go talk with Doc, I know you have more to say, but so do I,” Ethan tells me.

Move in with him? I never imagined living with him, but I’m grateful for his hospitality. Does that mean I’m moving to England? There are a million things running through my mind right now... wait, didn’t he say he was staying here? I guess I’ll just have to ask when we get to the office.

Walking down the hallway with Ethan by my side makes me feel stronger than I am. It’s nice to feel wanted and cared for again, even though my brain keeps telling me I’m not worth it. I know I have a lot of healing left, but one step at a time will help me determine the difference between reality and the emotional abuse forced upon me.

I knock on Doc’s door, and she tells us to come in. I swear she’s always working, and I’m grateful, but I feel bad that she never seems to get a day off. I walk to the sofa and this time Ethan joins me, taking the seat next to me and placing a hand on my thigh for moral support. Physical touch is still hard for me, but I know that Ethan will never hurt me, not physically anyways.

I think I feel so comfortable with him because he’s from my childhood. Someone I only associate with good memories. There aren’t any negative influences filling my mind when he’s around. I know I can trust him; I’m just not sure why I feel that strongly, but I know he is here for me and that he won’t hurt me. I smile at Storm, and she smiles back. I remember the first time I was in here. I was cold and distant, but getting to know her in the little time I’ve spent here really allowed me to open up and learn the right way to heal. Or at least how to take that first step.

“How are you today, Meadow?” Storm asks.

“I’m good. I had an attack this morning because I didn’t take my sleep medicine, but I was able to get myself out, once I realized what was happening,” I say to her.

“That’s really good. I’m sorry you had an attack, but they will lessen with time. As your mind heals, the nightmares will become less and less frequent until they no longer plague you.” Storm smiles.

I can’t wait for the day these memories no longer affect my sleep. I don’t remember how it feels to sleep without my trauma. The medicine she prescribed allows me to sleep soundly, but I still feel the effects of the nightmare when I wake up. I can’t escape the memories, though, that’s exactly what I wish I could do.

“I’m excited for that day.” I chuckle.

“So, who wants to start today? Do you want to finish what you started, so it’s out of the way or would you like Ethan to go first, Meadow?”

“Umm, I guess I can go first,” I say with my hands in my lap. I pick at a piece of skin on my thumb, trying to remember where I left off. Everything is a blur. I just remember how much pain I was in, and I hate reliving those memories.

“So, my stalker had a friend who helped him take me. The friend used my body for his pleasure sometimes, but most of the time he just watched it happen. I hated him even more than Damon. He was cruel; his words hurt more than Damon’s ever did. But one day, he joined Damon in violating me. I remember one of them was inside me, and then suddenly the other was behind, entering me without any sort of lubricant. The pain was so unbearable that I passed out after screaming. They liked to hear my screams and continued to violate me even as I felt my body rip. When I woke a little while later, I couldn’t move without screaming from the pain. That’s when I knew it was over for me. I stopped fighting them, and when Damon realized it, he began carving his name into my skin, branding me, claiming me. I’ll never forget what he did to me. The day I was rescued from the basement, he had just finished with me when a noise upstairs alerted him that something was wrong. I hid in the corner, hoping to hide as much as I could. I didn’t know what was happening, but then suddenly, I was picked up and taken out of there, not knowing anything. Someone stuck a needle in my neck, and the next thing I remember was waking up in a bed in a house I never thought I’d see again,” I finish reliving my months of capture.

I can’t really tell him about Damon getting shot while we’re in the same room as Storm, but I can tell him that part when we get out of here. For now, that's all he needs to know. I’m happy that I was able to get everything off my chest and out in the open—minus a few details that the therapist will never learn.

“So... that’s what happened to me...” I say with as much enthusiasm as possible while also shaking from the memories.

“Meadow, I’m proud of you; you survived. Not many people in your shoes can say the same. I guess that means it’s my turn to tell you some things, and I want to do that while we’re with Storm, so she can help you through it, if need be,” Ethan says.

Well, fuck, this can’t be good. He’s going back home now that he learned the truth about me. He has to be. God, why did I have to say anything about what happened. I could’ve just lied. Now, even Ethan doesn’t want me. My shoulders slump as I wait for the rejection I know is coming, the moment he tells me that he can’t help me. Just like everyone else in my life besides Storm, but she gets paid to help me; it's not like she really wants to.

“Meadow, look at me,” Ethan says, and my eyes snap to him.

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