Page 25 of Surviving the Darkness

“I’m here to stay. What you told me doesn’t change how I feel about you. We’ll get through this together. So please don’t ever have that look on your face. I’m not leaving. There’s something I have to tell you that isn’t about us but still something you should know before we go home,” Ethan tells me.

I sigh in relief, knowing he won’t leave me. Curious as to why he wants to tell me in front of the doc, so she can help me. Whatever it is must be bad, but it can’t be worse than what I went through, so I just nod and wait for him to say what he needs to say.

“This is going to be hard to hear, and I don’t want to put any more stress on you, but I feel you need to know. I was going to keep it from you until you got better, but I don’t want it to make you take a step back on your healing once you find out. I want you to trust me, so I will always be up front with you,” he says, looking me in the eyes. Pleading with me to really listen to what he has to say.

I grab his hand that is resting on my thigh and squeeze, trying to encourage him as best I can, even though I feel like running away. It’s fine. I can get through whatever he has to say.

“So, the night you were taken, the kidnapper had friends. Damon had friends. I’m not sure what you remember, but Skylar, your friend, was with you. Well, after Damon got you, his buddies took her. The reason it took so long to find you is because when Skylar was eventually found, you weren’t with her, and every lead went cold. She’s alive and safe right now, but she went through some similar shit and doesn’t know yet that the guys got you back. She hasn’t been in a good head space since they found her. Jace has been trying to help her as best he can. I guess she’s fighting every step of the way, but she isn’t herself. That's why she hasn’t come to see you,” Ethan finishes, dropping a bomb on me.

“What? What the fuck? What happened to her?! I thought she was fine! She wasn’t in the car with me. I assumed I was the reason for everything that happened at the restaurant,” I whisper-shout.

“You were, but they were greedy and decided that they wanted her as well. I don’t know all the details, so I’m afraid I won't be much help there. I just know she was found in a shipping container about a month after you had been grabbed. It could have been longer, but I wasn’t really paying attention to anything the guys said after they told me you were kidnapped, so that’s my fault,” he continues.

My mouth is literally hanging open, and my breathing is getting faster, even though I feel as if I’m not getting any air. My face is hot, and I feel like I am about to pass out until I hear Storm calmly walking me through my attack. She’s talking in a soothing tone that I can’t quite hear over the ringing in my ears. Eventually, she breaks through to me because words start to filter in, like ‘deep breaths’ and 'you’re okay’. ‘Just focus on my breathing', so that’s what I do. I focus on my breaths while I feel Ethan’s hand on my thigh, squeezing it lightly to show his support.

I inhale a lungful of air and cough from the burning feeling. It feels like I’m drowning, and water is leaving my lungs. My body shakes with every deep cough. How could I be so selfish? I assumed Sky just didn’t want to talk to me after what happened. I’m so fucking stupid! I didn’t even ask the guys how she was! Just got lost in my own grief while she was out there, possibly even going through the same thing as me.

She was found in a shipping container, so does that mean they planned to ship her off somewhere? So, I guess the guys weren’t lying when they said they never stopped searching for me. Tears well in my eyes, and I let them fall. All the emotions I’ve bottled up make it so I can’t take much more. I’ve been so wrong; the guys do love me or loved me anyways. They still want me. Damon lied, and I don’t know how to handle that.

Chapter 24

Knox

It’s been seven long days since Meadow was admitted to the hospital. Seven days of hell for me and the guys since they won’t discuss patients’ status, how they are doing, or anything else outside of family. The people on our payroll can’t tell us anything because they aren’t in the hospital’s system. She isn’t considered an active hospital patient. I don’t know what’s going on, just that she isn’t on their list. Ethan visited her today, and I need him to tell me how it went.

It’s time for her to come home, but I know that, right now, she doesn’t consider us home; no matter how hard it is to admitthat. The guys and I have been worrying like crazy, forget our business. We agreed it was time to hire a Board of Directors to take over, so we don’t have to go into the office every day anymore. Our entire focus is Meadow, and it will always be Meadow. We just need her to see that. But we can’t if we don’t know how she’s doing.

The front door opens and slams shut before I hear footsteps moving in my direction where I’m seated on the couch in Ethan’s temporary, or maybe not so temporary, house. Ethan steps into the living room with a straight face. No smile or expression let me know how today went. That is super fucking helpful.

“You just going to stand there, or are you going to open your mouth and tell me how today went?” I spit out.

“You need to learn patience, Knox. I just got in the door. Let me get settled,” Ethan says.

Why the fuck did I call him again? I huff and relax into the couch cushions, waiting for him to get comfortable or some shit. He needs to learn not to piss me off and to do what I say. I know we haven’t seen each other in many years, but I’m still the boss.

I want to cuss him out, but I know if I do, he won’t tell me what I desperately need to know. So I just stare him down, hoping my glare is enough to make him talk. It’s not. He just laughs at me as he takes his sweet fucking time getting comfortable in the recliner. Once he seems settled, he finally starts talking, putting me out of my misery, or so I hope.

“Meadow is good. She’s seeing a therapist, and it seems to be helping. She was really glad to see me. Still hates your guts, though, which I find rather funny since she’s been in love with you since she was thirteen years old, even if she didn’t know it yet,” Ethan tells me.

I level him with my best glare, and the posh fucker laughs at me. I need more than ‘she is good’. I mean, I’m glad she’s seeinga therapist, but not so glad she still hates me. I can figure all that out as long as she has the will to live.

“Can you give me more than just ‘she’s fine’?” I ask, gritting my teeth.

“Yes, but I can’t tell you everything yet, as I don’t know the entire story. I won’t share half of what she said or went through till I know the full story. Just know she’s in a great deal of pain both mentally and physically. She will get there; she wants to get better. We have to be patient and give her time. The doc prescribed something to help her sleep through the night. She’ll still have to meet with her therapist when she gets home. We talked a little about it today but didn’t go into a lot of detail because she was tired. I’m planning to go back tomorrow, and we’ll finish what we started today,” Ethan says.

My stomach drops with the knowledge that she’s hurting. She wouldn’t talk about what she went through with us, but it seems she shared some of the trauma she endured with Ethan, and he won’t tell me. I know he said it’s because he doesn’t have the entire story, but is that true or is he just protecting her? I nod to show I heard him, and we sit together in silence for a while because I don’t have the words for him right now.

My girl is hurting, and it’s my fault. If I had been better prepared then she wouldn’t be in the hospital right now, hating my existence. I forgot Aidan and Phoenix were even in the room because my sole focus and concern was Meadow. When I glance over at them, I see their expressions flit somewhere between sadness and anger. I’m not sure if their anger is directed at us or at Ethan for not sharing what he knows. We’ll get it out of him sooner or later but, for now, I’ll table the discussion.

I sigh and stand up, rubbing my hands across my sweatpants. I need to find something to do before I go insane. The last thing anyone needs is for me to turn into my father. I walk over to Aidan and sit in his lap, needing his comfort. He wraps his armaround me and kisses me on my neck while whispering, “Hi baby,” in my ear. Goosebumps cover my arm with those words.

I’m glad I don’t have to hide who I am anymore; this feels right. Being in his arms out in the open feels right. I know Ethan hasn’t seen this side of us yet, but he’s always known my feelings about Aidan, and now Phoenix. We’re still working on our relationship.

I look over at Ethan, and he smiles. Even though I want to punch his face, it feels good knowing my friend will see how much I’ve changed since he left. I wish he would tell us more about how Meadow is doing, though.

I relax into Aidan and reach for Phoenix. I need comfort right now, and I know they feel the same. I wish I could comfort Ethan, but we’ve never been like that. He’s a good friend, and that’s it. I promise that he and I will never cross paths, unless it’s with Meadow in between us. I’m not attracted to him; I mean he is hot as fuck, sure, but not my type.

All I can think is how much I want my girl to be alright. She may not be able to stand me right now, but when she gets home, she’ll have a house full of men who’ve changed for her. I’ve grown so much in such a short amount of time. I know the guys have as well. Phoenix has hardened, Aidan has been more open with his feelings, and I’m learning that I don’t have to carry the weight of everything on my shoulders alone. I have a family I can lean on when I need. Do I still have moments where I think everything is my fault? Yes, but I also understand now that a lot of that is because of Michael.

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