And I'll stay away—forever.
* * *
There's only one person who can help me get her out. The only other man besides Father who has unrestricted access to the house and the basement—my brother Valentino. Asking him for this favor and implicitly making him go against Father for my sake will cost me heavily.
I don't dare leave her side, even for a moment, as I plan the next move. I call my brother and explain what I need—someone to return Catalina to her family while I stay behind and face the music.
After I'm more in command of my body, I stumble to my feet, and taking my shirt off, I clean her with it.
I'm very gentle with her back, the wounds so raw it's like they're screaming at me. Even with the mangled flesh, the initials are clearly distinguishable. It makes me feel even more despicable, for she will forever carry this with her.
I swallow a sob as I reach lower. A trickle of blood is running down her thighs. I tenderly clean the area, even more disgusted when I see red mixed with white and the evidence of what I've done to her.
"I'm so sorry... so sorry." My voice breaks as I keep repeating, knowing she can't possibly hear me.
I've killed and maimed in my life; tortured, and desecrated, and never have I felt such a torment deep within. I'd gotten used to my lot in life, never thinking I could reach rock bottom, because how can you when you've always lived under sea level? But this... what I did to her...
I know I'm going to spend the rest of my life repenting, seeking some nonexistent absolution.
I finish cleaning her up and I try my best to cover her with what's left of her dress. Softly, I lower her from the table, cradling her battered body in my arms. I swipe my hand over her pale features, taking her in one last time.
"I'm sorry..." I whisper again in her hair, rocking slightly with her and letting the tears fall. "So, so sorry." I brush my lips against her temple, trying to memorize her features.
That's how Valentino finds me.
"That her?" He nods at Catalina.
"Yes." I stand up, carefully depositing her in his arms. "Please take care of her. Make sure she gets home safe."
"You're lucky she's Romina's sister, otherwise I wouldn't be doing this."
"I know."
"You owe me, Marcello. And when I come to collect, you better be ready," he notes. Tino might not be Father, but that doesn't mean he is any less of a self-serving bastard.
"Thank you." I incline my head in respect. As long as he delivers her safely back to her family, I'm willing to do anything for him—should I live.
"Good luck with Father," he says before leaving.
I watch his retreating figure, saying goodbye to Catalina one last time.
It's time to end this.
When Father comes in, I'm the only one in the basement. He quickly scans the room, his upper lip twitching in displeasure.
"What did you do, boy?" he spits out, backhanding me. I take it, because that's all I deserve.
"She's safe," I say, keeping my composure.
"Fucking useless," he sneers, pacing around. "You know what your punishment is, boy." I lower my head, already accepting my fate. I knew it from the moment I stayed behind.
"Do it fast," I say as he raises his gun to aim for my head.
"You think this is over, don't you? The moment you're dead, I'll take that whore you seem to love so much and I'll make her my bitch. And when I've had my fill, I'll have every one of my men take a turn. She'll wish she was dead, and shewilldie, but not before she despises you so much she takes her last breath cursing out your name," he laughs, mocking Catalina and my feelings for her.
The switch is instantaneous. I'd been resigned to dying, since death would be the greatest comfort considering what I'd done—and a mercy at the same time. Yeah, I'm a coward. But as he gloats about everything he would do to Catalina, with me powerless to stop it, I can't. Before he can pull the trigger, my hand shoots out, knocking it out of his hold.
Father may think he's superior just because I'd been at peace with dying. But in a physical struggle, he won't come out the winner.