Page 145 of Monster in Disguise

"I can't do it," I start.

"Silvio!" Father yells, but I stop him.

"I didn't mean that. I can't get hard. I need one of those pills." He knows exactly what I'm talking about as he scowls at me; it's not as if it's the first time I've needed them.

"Sometimes I wonder how you came out of my loins. Can't even fuck properly." He opens the door and spews some commands. "Fucking useless," he mutters under his breath, but I ignore the jibe.

I fix my eyes on Catalina, monitoring her movements.

Dear Lord, she's innocent. Please spare her.

I continue praying, even knowing it's too late.

As expected, Father is back too soon. Swallowing the pill, I can only wait until it starts working.

"So?" Father asks flippantly, nodding towards my bulge. "Let the show begin."

I reluctantly close my eyes, trying to shut out the heaviness in my heart. This has become routine for me now, attempting to dissociate from my body and this horrific situation. But tonight, it's not working. My mind is too consumed with guilt and shame.

With shaking hands, I unlock the shackles on her ankles and wrists, releasing her from their cruel grip. Carefully, I pull her towards me so that only her torso is lying on the table. She lets out a soft whimper, and tears prick at my eyes. What am I doing?

My loathing for myself intensifies as my trembling fingers reach for the hem of her dress, lifting it up over her hips. My heart pounds wildly in my chest, a combination of the pill I took and my own anxiety. Trying to remain detached, I unzip my pants and push them down just enough to give me access.

I try not to touch her more than necessary, not wanting to defile her any further than I already have. But as I position myself at her entrance and push inside, all rational thoughts flee from my mind. The pain on her face breaks my heart, and I can only pray that she's too drugged up to feel it fully as I break through the barrier of her virginity. OnceI'm fully inside, I freeze, the weight of what I'm doing crushing me.

I can't do this. It's not mine to take but hers to give willingly. Dear God...

In that moment, I plead with any higher power that will listen. The guilt of stealing her innocence weighs heavily on me, and it only amplifies as the pleasure surges through me. How could something so wrong feel so good? How could I be capable of such monstrosity? This is by far my biggest sin.

Lost in a fierce battle with my inner demons, I'm jolted back to reality by Father's voice.

"I should have known you couldn't do it." He spits at me, his gun pressing into the tender skin under Catalina's chin. "How's this for motivation, boy?"

Like a caustic substance, the sight of the gun aimed at Catalina's head burns my insides and imprints itself in my head. Father's insidious smile stretches even wider across his face as he sees the turmoil in me. I can't even hide it anymore.

He jabs the butt of the gun menacingly into her chin a few more times before I give up. I move—in and out. All while begging all the gods out there to make this fast.

For once someone listens to my prayers and I come, the staggering guilt an echo of ephemeral pleasure.

Sick. Twisted. Depraved.

Am I anything but?

I pull out, lightheaded, a heavy weight resting on my chest.

Damned... I just damned myself by defiling an angel.

Father starts clapping, a hand coming down my back in a congratulatory slap. He's saying something, but I can't hear him. Eyes blank, heart shattered, I turn away from the wretched body I've just corrupted.

Looking down, my cock is stained with red, the evidence of the innocence I'd ruined glaring back at me. It's the last drop, and I stumble to my knees, heaving and emptying the contents of my stomach.

Father makes a disgusted noise before leaving the room.

He already got what he wanted.

For what seems like forever, I sit alone in my puke, staring at the dark walls. Catalina is still out—a small grace. But I realize where this is all heading... Father's next step. She'll be dead by tomorrow, and I can't allow that. I'll take on the entire famiglia if I have to, but Catalina will survive this. It's a solemn vow I make to myself.

One day, this will all be but a distant nightmare for her, but at least she'll be alive.

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