Page 83 of Breathing Without You

I open his passenger door and sit down in the seat.

“Hey, man.”

“What’s up?” I say, shutting the door.

“Not much, partied all night, slept most of my day away so I’m just getting up to do it all over again.” He gives a slight chuckle. He’s going through heartache just like I am right now except his was for three years. Not a few months. But he’s handling this by partying away the pain, I don’t think I could handle drinking as much as he’s been every day without dying from it.

We pull into the parking lot at Black Velvet and park out back like usual and head in through the back door, almost running into Carsten as he’s heading out the door with garbage in his hands.

“Fuck man.” He looks at me since I’m the first one walking through the door. “You fucking scared me.”

“Fuck dude, you scared me.” I laugh because I wasn’t expecting him to be walking out the same time I was walking in.

“Sorry for scaring you, dick face,” I chuckle.

“It’s cool, cock breath.” He punches my shoulder.

“Glad I wasn’t in the line of fire; someone could’ve accidentally punched me or something from both of you pussys scaring each other.” Axton shakes his head, placing his keys in his pocket.

“Hey, who you callin pussy?” I ask him.

“Right, I don’t know who you’re callin a pussy but it ain’t us,” Carsten says to him with a look of disbelief on his face.

I hold the door open as Carsten walks back in. I miss hanging out with them like we used to.

“I miss the old days, man when we were younger hanging out getting in trouble for all the dumb shit the three of us used to do.” I smile back on all the memories.

“Right, all the times we got caught by the fucking cops over dumb shit that we thought was so fucking cool,” Axton snorts.

“No wonder the cops hate us now, always watching out for us to make sure we’re not still doing dumb shit, stealing stupid shit from the store. Blowing up shit in parking lots, shooting shit with our BB guns behind stores.” Carsten laughs as we all stand there laughing with him. I stand there with a smile on my face for the first time all day before I’m hit with a lonely sick feeling in my stomach that I try to hide. I feel empty, and I know why. I hate this feeling. I’ve never experienced it before; sure, I’ve experienced heartache from breakups but never like this and it fucking sucks.

“Hey, you good man?” Carsten has a concerned look on his face as he watches me.

“Ya, ya I’m cool sorry. Was just zoning out.” I lie because I don’t feel like talking about it although I’m sure they already know what’s wrong. They’re not stupid they’ve all experienced heartache before, hell Axton is literally going through one right now and hasn’t looked sad at all tonight. I mean he was cheated on. He should still be devastated, he wanted to marry that girl.But things don’t always work out the way you want them to. I’m sure he’s just trying to have a good time like the rest of us. I push my thoughts of Emerald to the side and try to get back to enjoying myself with my friends.

“You guys wanna go do a shot?” Axton yells over the music as we come down the hall. “Fireball is calling our names.”

“I can do one but I’m working so I can’t get sloppy, Chase will kick my ass.” Carsten laughs, poor Chase had to take care of a drunk Carsten at work last year and make him go sleep it off in his office on the couch from doing too many shots. He was pissed the next day and wouldn't forgive him for a while for leaving him alone on a busy ass Friday night. Poor guy was slammed all night, and didn't get one break.

“Yeah, I’m down, I need to get drunk anyways.” It’s true I’m feeling too much at the moment and I just need something to numb some of it.

“Hey, guys what’s up?” Chase walks up to us as he gives us a man hug, with a handshake.

“Guys wanna do a shot?” Chase yells to the three of us.

“Fuck yeah, that’s what we came in here for.” Axton yells as he walks around the bar and grabs two stools for us to sit on. Of course, they have to be next to some girls who are looking over at us and smiling. Fuck please don’t talk to me, go straight to Axton and talk to him I think to myself because I’m not in the mood for some drunk girls.

“Here you guys go.” Chase sets the Fireball shots down in front of us and waits for Carsten to come over.

“Only one shot, Carsten.” Chase glares at Carsten as he says it.

“Don’t worry, my man, I already told them I’m only doing one shot.” He stands next to Chase grabbing the shot glass.

It was definitely a lie, four shots and one beer later I think Carsten forgot he was working when Chase comes over and punches his arm.

“Yo dick face, forget we’re runnin’ the bar together, you fuck.” He laughs but doesn’t seem too mad since they have been steady but not slammed.

“Fuck, I’m sorry dude, I got caught up in everything and forgot where I was really. Like I forgot I was working.” He laughs, and Chase just shakes his head at him.

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