Page 26 of Mad Love

I don’t even love how easy it is anymore—at first it was appealing to have constant access to beautiful women who were eager to please. Now, it might feel good in the moment, but the hollow feeling I get afterward isn’t worth it.

If I were to meet Sasha now, I doubt I’d even consider sleeping with her…so maybe I’ve changed more than I thought.

The guys have been texting this morning, wondering when they can come meet Caleb. In my last text to them, I suggested we talk later this afternoon. Maybe they can come after my family spends time with him. I can’t wait for the guys to see him, but my family deserves to have first dibs.

My housekeeper Amy comes twice a week to clean and to leave a few meals that she prepares in my kitchen. But since family will be trickling in throughout the day, I order a bunch of takeout—pasta that will still be good reheated, large salads, fruit, and a few desserts.

When Ed, one of the daytime security guards, calls to say the food has arrived, I ask him to bring it to the house and leave it on the island because I’m watching Sadie give Caleb a bath. We’re in the largest bathroom upstairs and his little tub is sitting inside the bathtub. Sadie handles him almost as carefully as I do, like she’s still tentative around him too, but she still knows what she’s doing more than me.

He loves the bath. He’d started fussing a little, but when he got in the water, he instantly stilled.

“It’s like he’s in a Zen state,” I say, chuckling.

“Sometimes I’d hear Sasha giving him a bath in the middle of the night when he was having a hard one,” she says.

As always, she’s quiet after she talks about Sasha, and I want to tell her to say whatever she wants about her sister.

When she doesn’t say more, I clear my throat and pat Caleb’s hand. His fist clasps around my finger while Sadie washes him.

“One of the articles I read suggested waking them to eat every few hours during the day. And limiting interaction during the night…which I totally screwed up last night, by the way. But he’s awake now,” I say, smiling when he smiles up at me.

She tilts her head. “We can try it. I already know I’ll feel bad waking him up though.” She smiles at him too.

She finishes washing him and then we just watch him kicking his feet in the water for a few minutes. He sort of shivers and I reach out to feel if his stomach’s cold and get peed on again.

Sadie surprises me by cracking up at this. I think she surprises herself because it ends almost as quickly as it started.

“We clearly don’t have his bathroom habits down yet,” I say, washing my hands.

When I turn back around, I catch her trying to hold back a smile.

“Looks like you’re a target,” she says.

I scrunch up my face. “You mean he’s never gotten you before?”

“No.” She laughs.

She carefully lifts him out of the tub and I hold the towel up. She holds onto him, exhaling when I wrap the towel around him.

“Baths make me a nervous wreck because he’s so slippery,” she says.

I motion toward the bed and she lays him on it, making sure he’s thoroughly dry before she puts on his diaper. I picked out his outfit. He doesn’t have many clothes, but what he has is cute and soft.

“Did you grab a onesie?” she asks.

“What?”

“A onesie.”

“No idea what that is, but tell me and I’ll go grab it downstairs.”

“It’s a one-piece short-sleeve thing that snaps and goes under his outfit.”

“Is this outfit also called a onesie?” I hold it up.

Her lips pucker out. “Mmm, more like a one-piece or a playsuit? I don’t know actually.”

“I’ll never get it straight. I like that outfit though.” I point toward the door. “Okay, I’ll go look for a onesie and be back.”

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