Page 25 of Mad Love

His eyes narrow. “So why didn’t she come find me? She found me at a party. It’s been coming back to me in bits and pieces since I’ve seen her pictures. I’d had a few drinks thatnight, but I remember. She was at the party to see me. We have a mutual friend, Cal, who could’ve made sure she had the right number. Hell, she could’ve had him get in touch with me if she thought I was avoiding her calls.”

I stare at him until my eyes are blurry and a tear drips down. I’m so tired of crying. It feels like the tears will never stop.

“I don’t know. I don’t know, all right? That’s what she told me. I tried to push her to go see you or to send you a letter…to reach out to your parents’ law offices.”

His eyes flare in surprise.

“I know that she was terrified you’d take him from her. Even when she was singing your praises…especially when she was singing your praises, she’d say you’d win custody in a heartbeat. You saw our apartment. We got by on my tips and government assistance. But Sasha also—” I leave it hanging and he stares at me, his eyes conflicted.

“Sasha also what?” he asks.

“She struggled. She…had diabetes and she didn’t manage it well. She shouldn’t have…” My damn eyes won’t stop overflowing. “She shouldn’t have had Caleb, according to her doctors,” I finally get out.

“She was sick?”

“She was doing okay. She was finally taking her insulin and avoiding all the things she should avoid…she surprised us. After she had Caleb, she got why we’d been after her to take care of herself for so long.”

He looks down at Caleb for a long time and when his eyes meet mine, he seems distant again. Last night and for a few minutes this morning, it felt like we were past that, but a wall has gone back up.

“So you were planning on raising him if something ever happened to her?” he asks, his jaw tight.

“I-yes. I promised I’d take care of him no matter what. She’d ask often, even before she had him, if I’d raise him like he’s mine. To the point that I told her to stop talking that way. She was doing well, she didn’t need to think like that.I’d say, ‘Just take care of yourself, that’s all you need to do.’” I shake my head and clasp my hands together to keep them from shaking. “She wasn’t satisfied with that, so yes, I promised her I would.”

“So I’m a huge inconvenience to your plans,” he says.

I glare at him. “I didn’thavea plan. I never wanted my sister to die. She tried to talk about it and I’d shut her down. And since I didn’t think you wanted him, I vowed to be Caleb’s everything if the day ever came when she couldn’t take care of him. Mostly to get her to stop talking about it.”

I duck my head and grab a tissue from the side table.

“You’re not doing it alone,” he says, his voice softer. “It’s important to me that Caleb has a relationship with you. Just don’t ever try to cut me out again. I am a nice guy, but I’m a father now, and I have limits.”

I shiver and don’t say anything back. I’m not sure if we’ll ever come to an agreement about this. If we think the other is lying or didn’t do enough to make the truth be known, is there any way past it?

CHAPTER NINE

INTRODUCTIONS

WESTON

Very little sleep happened last night, but I’m running on adrenaline.

I have a son.

God. I still can’t believe it.

I’ve never been so fucking tired in my life.

I held him most of the night, staring at him and talking to him and dozing off, only to dream that I was crushing him. I woke up sweating and in a panic. He went in his crib after that.

I’ve never thought much about having kids, being so far from settling down in a committed relationship. The whole thing has always felt really far off. A huge what-if that I wasn’t sure I’d ever experience.

And I’ve been thinking about Sasha a lot.

I’m so curious about her. I wish I could remember more about her. She was cute, nice, and seemed down to earth, but there wasn’t much of a spark between us. She made the first move, was outgoing and fun, and I was all too willing to give her what she wanted. I’ve been too willing to give a lot of girls what they want. I’m not proud of that. And it’s not like I’ve turned over a whole new leaf.

I still like to get laid.

But I’m getting tired of the meaningless fucks.

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