Page 57 of Psychological War

Five seconds went by, but neither of them let the other go. Not until Salem pulled him hard towards her, rolling just in time, and Dimitri's face planted onto the mat.

“FUCK!” he bellowed.

Mila shot to her feet, holding Tobias in her arms.

Dimitri rolled over onto his back. His nose was broken. Blood fell from his face onto his shirt.

“Next time you want to fucking test me, don’t. I’m not some little girl you can push around. Next time you want to fight I will slit your fucking throat,” was all Salem said before marching towards me. Grabbing my arm, no one said anything as she dragged me towards the horses. I had no idea what I should say, or if I even had anything to say. Everything felt like all too much suddenly.

24

Salem

“Alright,thenextpersonto hold the other down for five seconds wins.” I cocked an eyebrow when Dimitri began panting. I was barely breaking a sweat.

“Sure.”

“Kick his ass, Salem,” Killian yelled.

Killian barely got those words out before Dimitri grabbed the back of my ankles, and my back smacked onto the ground. I gave him a moment, letting him think that he was going to win. Smirking, I wrapped my legs around his neck, choking him. It was well past the allotted seconds, neither of us moving. I refused to let this big buffoon get the upper hand and actually win. With all my might I pushed him back before yanking him back down, and at the last second, I rolled. His face smacked into the mat.

“FUCK!” he yelled.

I couldn’t focus on any of them outside the ring. If I did, I would feel bad for breaking his nose. I shouldn’t have done that. He was testing me, and I should’ve let him win.

Dimitri rolled over, sitting back on his heels. Blood coated his mouth and chin; his nose was definitely broken. My chest began to rise and fall. I could feel the panic threatening to rip me to pieces. I don’t know what caused the fight between Dimitri and me to cause this reaction. But I couldn’t breathe. I needed to get out of here, fast.

“Next time you want to fucking test me, don’t,” I spat out. “I’m not some little girl you can push around. Next time you want to fight I will slit your fucking throat.” Would I? Probably not, but I couldn’t control myself.

Finally, I looked over at Zane, who was now standing. He looked like he was ready to jump in and save me from Dimitri. I hadn’t realized until this moment the feelings I had for him. Sure I cared; sure I had something there inside me. But the pure expression on his face told me everything. If I hadn’t stopped Dimitri just then Zane would have. He would have pushed the pain he felt aside and stopped his best friend himself.

Shaking my head, I marched towards Zane, grabbed his arm and practically ran towards my horse. I always rode when I felt the panic rising inside me. It’s what Mom taught me, even at a young age. If I had my panic attacks all I had to do was tell Dad or Mom. One of them would take me out. I was too young to ride by myself. But one of them would take me out, and they never talked until I spoke first.

I wanted that now. I needed it.

I wasted no time. I grabbed Pumpkin's mane and hiked myself up. I looked down at Zane, who was looking up at me.

“Grab his mane right here, and grab my hand,” I forced out. I didn’t know why I was taking him with me, but I needed him with me. He was becoming my comfort.

Zane didn’t bat an eye as he reached up and pushed off, his leg swinging over. Pressing up behind me, I kicked my leg and grabbed hold of his mane before Pumpkin knew what he had to do. We did this a lot, especially during the last four years.

Pumpkin finally took off as we reached the middle of the fenced-in yard, aiming for the spot he always jumped over. I could feel Zane tense, his arms wrapped around my middle, hugging me close. I could relax into him, but I didn’t allow myself to. Not yet.

“Oh, fuck,” he muttered. I don’t know how he could have tensed more, but he somehow did. Just in time, Pumpkin jumped. The air stuck in my lungs with the force of Zane’s arms wrapped around me. The moment his hoofs touched the ground Zane let out a grunt before easing up a little bit.

I didn’t think, I didn’t feel. I refused to let anything take hold of me. Riding was for me. It lets me think without actually needing to think. Out here, I always felt more like myself. I felt free. Uncaring about anything that happened in the past. It was like I could see clearly and everything from my life faded away. Pumpkin knew where I always went, where everything mattered.

I don’t know how long we rode; it never mattered to me. He started slowing down until he finally began a low gait along the path that my dad showed me. It was where I felt normal again.

I expected Zane to say something, but he never did. Not once the whole time we rode. I waited for what seemed like a long time, finally deciding it was time for me to speak.

“Do you ever get tired of it?” I asked.

“Of what, Kitten?”God, I melt at that nickname.

“The noise,” I muttered. Not daring to look around at him. “Of everything.”

I don’t know what I expected him to say, but it definitely was not what came out of his mouth next. “With you in it, no.”

---