Page 58 of Psychological War

“I find a lot of it hard, but the noise is the worst. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be normal. To have a job, worry about bills, to worry if a boy liked me or not.” I don’t know what I was saying exactly, but I sent a little prayer that Zane didn’t speak, that he just let me talk. “I wish I could be worried about if they liked the outfit I was wearing, or even if I had food stuck in my teeth. But that seems like a completely different life now.”

“I have a feeling you won’t tell me why you can’t have this normal life you wish for.” Zane hugged me closer. His warmth gave me strength to be somewhat honest with him.

“It’s not a won’t, really. I can’t. It doesn’t just involve me, it involves others, a lot of others.” My whole family. Aziza. They were the others that I couldn’t tell him about. I couldn’t tell him the truth because that would mean he would know truths that I couldn’t bear to explain.

“Is this about your family?” he asked. Tensing, I couldn’t focus on anything, the air sticking in my lungs. It was like he knew something, something I couldn’t know what. Aziza wiped out my whole family. No one knew about us. “I found a picture of them when I was snooping through your closet.” It was like he read my thoughts. I wanted to be angry because he went through my things, but if I was in his situation, I would have done the same. Probably sooner, but still done the same.

“I can’t talk about them, Zane,” I finally answered. “Can you tell me about yours?” I asked, trying to change the subject somehow.

“I had a normal childhood, honestly. I mean, both my parents were successful. My mom was a doctor, and my father was a lawyer. The best in town.”

Was. That’s what he was saying. They were gone.

“How did you come to work for Dimitri?” I leaned further as Pumpkin continued walking the path.

“When I was eighteen, my father wanted me to go to college, and either become like him, or become a doctor like my mother. But I didn’t want either of those. I had always been different. Not in my emotions like other kids around me. It honestly was probably from my parents. They were great but didn’t fully raise me. I had a few nannies, but they always quit because I was an asshole.” He chuckled.

“I can’t see it,” I joked, smiling to myself.

“Oh, yeah, they were all crazy. Anyway, we got into a fight and when I left, I didn’t speak to them for a few weeks. I cared for my parents, but it was because I had to. They gave me life, so it was expected of me to care. So one night they got into an accident, and they both died. Instantly.”

“I’m sorry,” I rushed out, turning my head around so I could finally look at him. Zane was staring back down at me like he had been doing the whole time, but for the first time I couldn’t find the hardness that was always there. This time he had softened his expression, and I found myself wanting him closer. I wanted him to actually be mine, to help me carry this mission out that I was so hell bent on.

“You don’t need to be, but thank you.” Leaning forward he kissed my forehead. My heart skipped a beat, and fuck, my insides were actually beginning to burn. Sitting back he continued, “After they passed, I took off and went to New York City. I had been into wrestling through high school, fuck played football, mostly because of my size. But when I went into town, I started fucking around with fight clubs underground. It was mainly because I was good at it, but I also think it was because some part of me had blamed myself for my parents’ death.” Before I could even protest that he, of course, couldn’t be responsible, he shushed me and continued on. “Anyway, I did that for a little, but it wasn’t long before Dimitri found me. I ended up killing his enforcer. It was by mistake. I kicked him too hard in the face and his nose ended up basically puncturing his brain and he died.”

All of this felt like information overload, yet I wanted to know everything about him. I wanted to ask him more about his parents. I wanted to know why Dimitri was such an asshole. I even wanted to ask about Killian and his weird attitude. Sometimes he was in a good mood, always playful, but recently he was off.

“He wanted to kill me, I think, until he realized that his enforcer was killed by someone twice as young. And someone who had no one he would be leaving behind, so he offered me a job. And before you ask, he was honest with me. Told me he was head of the Russian Mafia, and that what I would be doing was worse than anything I had done before. But I truly didn’t care. I had no future. Sure I had my parents’ inheritance, which was a fuck ton. But I didn’t know what I was going to do with my life. I barely had emotions and I was good at punching someone's face in.” He shrugged looking off into the farmland. I don’t know what was going through his head that made him stop looking at me, or even stop talking. But I felt like he was inside his head and didn’t want to be bothered anymore.

Turning back towards the path, I nudged Pumpkin back towards the house. It would still take a while until we got there, but I think we had spent enough time out here. I felt relaxed from the fight with Dimitri and knowing that somewhere inside he had a heart. Even if it wasn’t towards me, that was okay. As long as he treated the three people well who had begun to actually matter to me, that was all that mattered.

***

By the time we made it back to the house it was already getting dark and everyone else appeared to be inside.

“Who taught you to fight?” Zane asked me as we got off Pumpkin. Walking him back into the fence I locked it up.

“Uh, Michael. It was a family friend who helped me in a bad situation, and he taught me everything I know.” Once Pumpkin was locked up with the rest of the horses, we turned, heading back towards the house. I desperately needed to shower.

“You took Dimitri down without breaking a sweat,” he whispered before we stepped into the house. Looking back, Zane stood so close I could feel his warmth on me.

“There’s a lot more you don’t know about me,” I muttered.

“I’m beginning to realize that,” he shot back.

“Salem,” someone called from the hallway. Turning around I was faced with Dimitri, his arms crossed over glaring at me. His nose was back in place, but the bruising was bad. I was truly ready to knock him out and send him down to the basement.

Rolling my eyes at him, I crossed my arms right back at him. “Dimitri.”

“I want to apologize for my behavior.” I flinched. I don’t know why, but I was not expecting that from him. He didn’t look like a man that would apologize for how he’d treated someone, so I had to wonder if Mila made him do this. And if she had, why?

“I shouldn’t have wanted to fight you. I have—” he growled, unsure of what he was even wanting to say. I almost stopped him, but I wanted him to grovel. “I don’t trust you. But you saved Zane back in Boston, and you saved us in that warehouse.Even if I don’t want to admit it.”The last part was said so low I barely heard him. “You brought us into your home while Luca’s men are hunting us an—”

“Wait, what?” Zane barked out behind me.

“You’ve missed a lot since you've beenresting,”he said, rolling his eyes.

“And we’re just sitting here while those Italians are hunting us!” Zane was barely holding onto his anger.

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