Page 80 of Devoted

“The lump didn’t feel very big. In fact, I was surprised I noticed it, and he mentioned the same thing. It is tiny, which is good. It must have been the way I moved my fingers because I honestly don’t know that I would have caught it otherwise. But it’s there.” I point to the side of my left breast where my lump resides.

“Okay. Okay… so what happens now?”

“Well, once we get the results back, we can come up with a treatment plan. But at this point, I think I just want a double mastectomy. That way, I can remove the tissue that I know will ultimately try to kill me.”

“Jess, just because your mom died, doesn’t mean you will too. It sounds to me like you caught it just in time. If there’s any positive aspect to focus on, it’s that. Try to be patient and not jump to any rash decisions, okay? But no matter what you decide, you know that I’m here for you.”

I blow out a breath and look to the side of the room, surrendering to the fact that there is another issue I’m facing. “I don’t know what to do about Brooks.”

Suddenly, Piper’s demeanor changes, her body becoming rigid like she’s preparing for a fight. “What do you mean? You’re going to tell him, right?”

“I… I don’t think I can.”

“Jess,” she exhales in frustration and then looks back at the door. “Look, we need to get back out on the floor soon before people come looking for us.” She twists back to me and then scrutinizes me with her gaze. “I am beyond devastated for you, but promise me, you won’t do something stupid right now. You’re feeling all sorts of things and your mind is going to fight you and convince you that the worst is going to happen. Why don’t you come over tomorrow night? Rachel has been leaving her ass print on my couch for the past week, and she needs some cheering up. We can have a girl’s night, eat our weight in carbs, and talk it out. You can’t give up on what you’ve built with him. You two are so perfect together.”

Closing my eyes, I try to take in her words, but I feel like my mind is already made up. I can’t do this to him. He doesn’t deserve this kind of luck. It seems we both just need to accept my fate.

“A girl’s night sounds good, but I can’t promise I’ll be excellent company.”

“I don’t care,” she says before pulling me in for another hug. “Just come over and talk with us. It might help.”

“Fine. Let me know what to bring.”

She smiles and then cups my cheek. “Just you, Jess. Just bring you. You’re going to get through this. This is not the end for you—I feel that in my bones. This is just a speed bump.”

“I hope you’re right.”

She reaches for both of my hands, clasping our palms together before bringing them up between us, her unwavering friendship coursing through our touch and her words. “I’m so sorry this is your reality right now, Jess. But I’m here, okay? I promise you I’m here.”

We share one more hug before we exit the storage closet and I go to the bathroom to clean myself up. As I make my way around the ER a little later, Brooks stops me for a moment.

“Hey, baby,” he whispers in my ear before leaning back, smiling down at me, and surveying my face. And then his mouth falls flat instantly, spiking my nerves. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lie, not knowing how much longer I’m going to be able to fake normalcy with him.

He eyes me suspiciously before continuing. “Okay. Well, do wanna come over tomorrow for dinner? I have something important I want to talk to you about.” His smile has returned along with the twinkle in his eyes. The man is so perfect and it kills me that I don’t get to keep him. The universe didn’t listen to my plea.

“Uh, I actually have plans with Piper and Rachel. She asked me to come over tomorrow to help cheer Rachel up since Luke fired her last week.”

“What? What happened?”

I shrug and then look away, trying to focus on anything besides the beauty of his face and heart as he shows concern for my friend. “I’m not entirely sure, but Piper is worried about her. Rain check?”

He kisses my temple as I close my eyes and memorize his touch. “Of course. But if you wanna come over after that, you know my door and bed are always open.”

I glance up at him and give him the best smile I can muster. “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”

A fresh case pulls his attention from me as I let out the tension coiling in my shoulders from lying to him again. Once I know the results of the biopsy, I know what I’ll have to do.

I have to let Brooks go, like a butterfly taking flight. He deserves to be free from the chains that have sealed my fate. I just hope I’ll be brave enough to let him fly.

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