Page 90 of Never You

“I’m pretty sure he has friends in the NHL as well.”

“He probably does, but it doesn’t mean he can control every team in the NHL. That’s bullshit, and you know it. You’re justtaking it as an excuse because you are scared to death. Admit it.” He shoves my shoulders, and I snap my head toward his with a glare. But I can’t help the thought crossing my mind. Wondering if he’s right.

“I mean it,” he continues. “So your father has some influential people in his circle. And yeah, he might be able to get a foot between the door in some clubs. But, Jensen, you just won the Stanley Cup. Every single hockey team in the country is going to want you. Plus, there is hockey in Canada, Europe. You don’t have to stay here. Besides, they could be bluffing. Ever consider that?”

I look at my best friend speaking the words that have crossed my mind for the last two days. Every time I look at Rae, I’ve been weighing out my options, thinking about how different my life could look, but also hearing one clear thought that stays in my head. Loud as fuck.

Hearing Bodi say the same words that have been occupying my thoughts for the last few days feels like a ray of sunshine after a hurricane. The sky breaks open, showing all the possibilities that come after disaster. After a heartbreak. I want her to be a possibility. If she’s not the one, I want to look back, knowing I tried. I don’t want her to be the one that got away while I’m stuck in some lifeless marriage like my parents.

If anything, want to regret the decisions I made, not wonder what could’ve happened if I made different ones. Like I’m waking up after hibernation, I see it now. I’m not giving her up. I’m not givingusup. She makes me feel good. She makes me laugh. She makes me happy.

I’m not sure if that’s love, but it’s close enough for me to wanna sayfuck it.

Fuck it all. Maybe that’s a mistake, but I guess there is only one way to find out.

“Yeah, actually. I have.”

Taking a sip of my drink, I can feel Bodi’s eyes on me.

“Fuck me,” he suddenly blurts. “You’re going to do it, aren’t you?”

I lick my lips, holding my glass in front of my face while I suppress the smile itching to curl the corner of my mouth.

“Do what?” I ask innocently, though I know what he’s talking about.

He’s been dying for me to tell my parents to go fuck themselves for years, but I guess I never found a good reason.

Now I have.

“Motherfucker. That blonde little thing finally gave you that last push, huh?”

I shrug, downing the rest of my drink. “I don’t want to give her up.”

Bodi triumphantly slams his fist onto the bar. “I knew she would make you crack.”

“Make me crack? What the fuck are you talking about?” I laugh.

“Oh, come on, you’re falling in love with Rae. A blind man can see that.”

I let his words sink in, waiting for that terrified twang to pop up. The one that has been jumping out like a damn surprise party every single time a girl would tell me they love me. I could never say it back, and I’d barely manage to reply with ditto, because there has always been this feeling inside of me that didn’t believe in love. But hearingRaeandlovein the same sentence gives me nothing but a content feeling. Like a cup of hot cocoa, warming my body after a cold day.

“Maybe you’re right,” I concede. “Maybe I have feelings for her. Maybe I’ve always felt drawn to her because I’ve always felt something for her.”

My head starts to feel light, blinded by the realization that shines through my always clouded head. The fog seemsto disappear, and I can feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders.

“You do, mate.” Bodi slaps my back. “So, what’s the plan?”

“Let’s just finish this roadtrip first. She needs to be back home by three tomorrow, before Johnny Pearce wants my head on a platter,” I quip. “I’m postponing the difficult talk until this weekend. I just want to enjoy the next couple of days, you know?”

Bodi nods, then takes a sip from his drink.

“How was your meeting?” I ask, changing the subject.

“What meeting?”

“The one you flew out here for? Did you sign that author?”

Bodi lets out a full belly burst of laughter, and my eyes widen, wondering if he’s lost his mind. “What?”

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