Page 89 of Never You

“I just did.”

I glare at him, my lips pressed into a thin line.

“Come on, tell me! An hour? Two? Five minutes?”

“Shut up, Kangeroo Jack.”

“Not until you tell me. Start talking,hockey boy,” he mocks, using Rae’s nickname for me to get under my nerves.

It’s working.

“When we arrived in Memphis,” I finally disclose.

“Huh!” He frowns. “That’s longer than I’d expected.”

I just chuckle, fear showering my body. I want Bodi to know. I want to tell him how I feel, but I’m also hesitant to voice it. If I say the words out loud, it becomes real. If it becomes real, I can no longer deny it. I can no longer deny the feelings I have for her. I’m too scared to voice it because I don’t want to lie to anyone.

Not to Bodi.

Not to myself.

And certainly not toher.

But if this comes out, I don’t know if I can protect her. To protect her from the hurt my family will inevitably cause her. I’m fighting the tightness in my chest that forms as I try to hold everything inside. Realizing I have feelings for her is hard enough as it is, and trying to hold it in makes it a torture, but I know I have to.

“Jay.” Bodi’s voice rings in my ear.

“What?” I drawl.

I know he means well, but I don’t even know how much I can say without completely ruining this for myself. She looked up at me in fear on the street, earlier tonight, silently begging me to tell her how I feel; how we move on from this, and if we move on from this together. But the truth is, I don’t know. All I know is I want her. But I’m not convinced that’s enough.

“You don’t have to be scared, you know,” Bodi tells me, as if he can read my mind.

I take a sip from my glass, the orange peel in my drink making my nostrils flare before I let my head hang. “I don’t know, Bodi.”

My voice cracks.

“Yeah, you do. Just because your mom doesn’t want you to say what you want doesn’t mean you have to listen. Just talk to me.”

I rub my face. “I don’t know what to do.”

“She’s getting into your head, isn’t she?”

“I’m not sure if Rae is getting in, or Emily is finally getting out.” When we started this trip, I had every intention of doing what was expected from me. To fix things with Emily, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. They can call me a good-for-nothing-asshole, but I am loyal to my family. Even if they want to paint me as the bad guy.

“It’s both, Jay.”

I twist my head, looking at my best friend peering me down with his clear blue eyes. “You don’t love Emily. You never have. Now I don’t know if you love Rae, but I do know she’s the only one that ever made you smile like a damn idiot for most of the time. It’s starting to scare me,” he jokes. “I know you are loyal to your parents. But why the fuck are you, mate? They don’t do shit for you. I understood when we were still eighteen. But you’re twenty-nine now. You don’t need them.They need you. They want to keep up the appearance of being a loving family, but let’s be honest, that’s the biggest façade there is. Why are you pleasing them when they needyou?”

I sigh. “They threatened to ruin my career.”

Bodi pauses for a moment, letting my words sink in.

“How exactly?”

“My father knows everyone. If he doesn’t want me to play. I won’t play.”

“That’s bullshit, Jay!” Bodi spits, his jaw ticking as his face flares up. “Your dad is running for governor. Not fucking president.”

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