Page 31 of Operation: Integrity

She elbowed him in the ribs and they both laughed. He and Kelly had been like that long ago. Joking and flirting had been the norm, not the exception. She was that kind of person, but he was not. She’d brought thatout in him. He glanced back to where she’d been a moment before.

Kelly looked lost, standing in the doorway. Her head slowly swiveled, and her mouth hung open slightly, eyes wide. She was afraid, probably of being alone. A new church could be scary for anyone. There was always the worry of being judged.

Rebecca came in just behind her and welcomed her to Wayside, mentioning that she’d seen her the day before but didn’t have a chance to meet. She invited Kelly to sit by her in the back, since those two rows were shorter to accommodate wheelchairs.

He tried to feel good about the fact that she’d met someone new. Her world was expanding and meeting others who had been through similar circumstances was good. She could form solid friendships and bonds with people who would understand her difficulties better than anyone else. But that didn’t stop him from worrying that he’d done the wrong thing. As her wrangler, he should be sitting with her. In fact, since he’d been Rebecca’s wrangler, he should be sitting with both of them.

Gabby touched his arm gently. “Is something wrong? While you’re not the smile-iest of guys, you’re even more reserved than normal.”

Sam ducked his head to hide any reaction that might give him away. He’d always been called the calm one, the solid friend. He tried not to let his emotions get in the way of anything, but that often led to being the one who kept everything to himself. “Yeah, it’s just been a rough week. Good day for church.”

Gabby was a counselor and gave him the eye, as if she knew he wasn’t telling her everything in his head. He was a man though, and what was in his head was rarely givena voice. Men weren’t supposed to be talkers; they were doers.

That was his issue. He was being asked to not do something he felt he should. Action, not sitting stationary. He looked at the front, hoping the preacher had arrived, but the small altar was still empty.

“You know . . . if you don’t want to talk about it with anyone, you could always take it to the one who won’t tell a soul about your troubles. He’s pretty good about helping you decide the right course, too.”

Gabby was right, of course. Why didn’t he turn to prayer as often as he should? It was just easier to try to muscle through or think his own way out of a problem than to bug the God of the universe with his little problems.

“I’m sure you’re right.” Sam reached for one of the little envelopes the preacher left in a little shelf under the benches and wrote out his check for his tithe. Since he had no bills to pay, he felt it was his duty to give a bigger portion than most men his age. They had families. They had rent or mortgages. They had food to buy or a truck payment. He had none of those things. God had blessed him richly with a life he couldn’t have dreamed of when he was serving in the military.

The hair on his arms prickled to life, and he could feel someone watching him. Tension coursed through his shoulders as he folded his check and affixed the flap of the envelope. Unable to keep himself from looking, he searched the church one last time.

The look of utter dejection on Kelly’s face tore at his insides.

He faced the front and didn’t close his eyes. It wasn’t important for the world to know he was praying. That wasbetween him and God.Lord, I did what Edwyn said because his advice sounded reasonable and good. But is it what you want?

The prayer was short and to the point, much like all his other communication. He couldn’t say that he’d ever had a supernatural encounter with God. He’d never heard the voice of the Holy Spirit, nor had he received anything other than a mental nudge when he’d asked for help with decisions. Yet, this time, there was a very clear voice in his head, familiar, yet he couldn’t name whose it was.

Pray that she sees the truth.

He blinked where he sat as the preacher approached the podium atop the small rise of the altar. Hadn’t he already prayed for that when he’d seen those texts? He’d known Nathan was manipulating her.

I trust you. I pray that she clearly sees the truth and knows who she can trust. I pray that the lies would be like scales falling from her eyes.

He waited with awe filling him with warmth, wondering if he would hear any more. If that was what he was supposed to pray, he’d keep praying that. In the next instant, whether it was his imagination or the Holy Spirit showing him things he didn’t want to see, he saw in his mind Kelly bound and crying. He saw her cowering at the feet of someone much bigger than her. At the end of his vision, he held in the sick that roiled in his stomach.

If that was even a hint at what Kelly had been through, she needed so much more than he could ever give her. She needed someone strong, who could protect her from the world. He was just Sam. Faithful, but not strong. Capable, but not a leader.

Keep praying for her, Sam. You are faithful and your faithfulness is heard.

He blinked back tears. He couldn’t do that now. Men weren’t supposed to cry. He took a deep breath and let it out. God had asked him to pray, but he hadn’t said to go to her. For now, he’d wait until the right time, keeping their relationship professional.

Except for all the prayers. That wasn’t how he usually cared for a patient at all.

Kelly triedto listen to the preacher, but she hadn’t even caught his name. Rebecca sat to her left and Edwyn to her right. He’d returned to the semi-overbearing Edwyn that made her uncomfortable, like he knew everything in the world and was trying to protect her from herself.

He probably didn’t know that his treatment left her feeling dirty. Like the bad girl she’d been told she was. She was too bad for church. Too bad for Sam to sit by her. Why wouldn’t he want to sit with her? Hadn’t they just talked on the phone last night? When she’d returned Zeus to the kennel on the way to church, she’d assumed she’d meet Sam there and they would walk together.

Then again, assumptions had never gotten her anywhere good. From the moment she’d walked in the door, she’d been uncomfortable. Connor had told her that the church service was not required in any way. She could come or not as she wished. As she’d considered her options, she’d decided the church was better than sitting at home.

This would be her first service as a believer, and she’d wanted Sam to guide her through the process. What should she do? What was expected? She wasn’t even surehow she should dress. Everyone else looked nice, cleaned up from what they usually wore, but nothing formal. A tall blonde woman stood at wrangler Cole Bradley’s side. She was the only one in the church who was dressed like Kelly had expected churchgoers to look. Sunday-best was different at Wayside. That should’ve been expected.

Kelly shifted on the hard bench, trying to pay attention. Since she’d never read the Bible because she didn’t have one, and she didn’t know much more than what she’d been told by the woman who led her to Christianity, most of what he said went right over her head. What did ‘washed in the blood’ mean, anyway? From her perspective, that sounded awful.

You don’t belong here . . .Why did the evil voice in her head always sound like her grandmother? Kelly closed her eyes.

She fought with her grandmother’s stubborn memory.I do. You’re the one who doesn’t belong here.Her jaw trembled. Why couldn’t she move on? Why couldn’t her escape truly be a fresh start? Why did her mind carry so much baggage?

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