Page 2 of Lily, Unwritten

As I met Zack’s eyes, they flicked back and forth between my own, under scrunched-up eyebrows. “Sorry, I feel rubbish from the heat. What is it with this country? Either boiling or freezing?”

Zack smiled and shuffled closer along the plush material. “I know. Guess it’s too much to consider the hot tub?”

“It’s way too hot. I love that tub in winter, when you have to jump out and leg it across the grass into the house before you freeze, but not in this weather.” My mouth broke into a natural smile as I recalled Cassie and I doing this on many occasions, not just me and Cassie… “Maybe we could stick our heads back in the wine fridge for half an hour?”

He took a deep breath and reached for my hand, his fingers wrapped around mine. “I thought maybe we could just go to bed? Been a while since we had an early night.”

My eyes darted between his. I remained drawn to him, I loved Zack from the bottom of my soul. Yet I was also going through deeper grief than I could have imagined. I loved Luke every bit as much as I loved Zack, and he was gone. My love was gone. My best friend was gone.

“We need to get back to us, Lily.”

I pressed a soft kiss to his lips, my eyes closed, as the taste of the wine mingled between our mouths. “I know.”

He stood and took my hand, pulling me from the deep, squishy couch. “Come with me.”

Zack smiled as he led me across the sumptuous grey carpet, up the wide staircase and into our room. The spare bedroom at Cassie and Guy’s felt as big as the whole downstairs of our house, with its own en-suite, super king size bed and built-in wardrobes with matching shoe racks.

Zack closed the door behind us with a soft touch. The lights were out, but the high-summer sun hadn’t yet set, it filled the room with a deep orange light which filtered through the wooden shutters. He ran his hand across the exposed skin of my stomach and around to my back, before lifting my cropped white t-shirt over my head. His mouth dipped to my neck and kissed at every crevice as his fingers deftly unfastened my bra and pulled it loose, letting it drop to the floor.

“This is a look I like on you.” His eyes flashed with desire as he took a step back. They roamed up my bare legs to the cut off denim shorts on my thighs, and the naked skin above. “May I?” he asked, as he reached behind me and ran his fingers amongst my long ponytail. I nodded, and he pulled the band down the length of it, his eyes never left mine. A shiver ran through me as my chestnut brown hair tickled against my back. Zack continued to watch me, my nerves were on edge, and not in a good way. My body ached for him, but my mind wouldn’t relax.

His fingers gracefully undid the button on my shorts, teasing at the warm skin of my stomach. “You look insanely inviting, you know that?” I shrugged and tried to smile; I felt exposed and shy rather than sexy. There was a moment of silence that lasted just a little too long. “Am I undressing myself today then?” It was an innocent enough question, but I detected a note of irritation behind it. Had he sensed that I wasn’t one hundred per cent with him on this? Snap out of it, Lily!

“Zachary…” I purred into his ear. “Are you feeling neglected? Need me to help?” I tugged his t-shirt over his head and unfastened his jeans as he picked me up and carried me to the oversized bed. He dropped me down onto the softness of the mattress as he let his jeans slide to the floor. His head ducked down between my thighs, as expert fingers slid my underwear out of the way, giving him access to what he wanted.

“I need to check if you were careful, you know, while…” He didn’t need to finish the sentence.

“Yes. How about you?” My throat hurt with the pressure of held back emotions as I asked. Images of how he must have been with her flashed through my mind. I wonder what they were like together?

“Of course. Sorry, I just needed to check.”

Could this be any more awkward? Also… that last time didn’t count. I wasn’t lying to him, I tried to convince myself. That last time… My eyes stung as I tried to keep the memory at bay.

I lay on the bed, staring up at Cassie’s ceiling. Zack was doing everything right. He’d always turned me into a quivering wreck for him in the past, but tears ran from the corners of my eyes as I felt nothing. My mind was not going to allow me this.

I rubbed my head from side to side on the soft black sheets, letting them soak my tell-tale tears away. “Zack, sorry, it’s just too hot in here. I feel gross.” I pulled at him, urging his face up towards mine. His lips were pressed together as his eyes ran over my face, searching for a clue. He opened his mouth to speak but I knew I wouldn’t have an answer, instead I pressed my lips to his in distraction. I kissed him like the night we were at the wedding, when I was desperate to touch him, drowning in desire to know him. I felt his mouth against mine, trying to move and speak to me, but I didn’t want him to say a word.

My fingers tangled into his dark hair as I kissed him with every ounce of lust I could summon. The nails of my free hand slid down the soft, supple skin of his back with rough pressure. He tensed as I opened a small scratch below his shoulder, then he fell into the moment.

He pressed me down into the bed as our kissing continued to increase in speed and pressure. The dark smattering of stubble from his chin scratched at mine; that little bit of physical discomfort somehow made this easier. I needed to forget the emotions of everything that had happened in the past year. Zack was always so caring, thoughtful and selfless; right now, though, I wanted him to overpower me. It could relieve the ache in my mind for a short time at least. I wanted him to go crazy, do anything and everything he wanted, like Luke would have…

Luke’s face and a myriad of memories dropped into my mind in a flash. I shook my head to force them out, accidentally breaking the kiss as I did so.

“Are you OK?” Zack’s mouth was millimetres from mine as he spoke, his entire body pressed hard against me. The room was like an inferno and as I looked at Zack, a drop of sweat fell from his forehead down onto my lip. I flicked my tongue across it and dug my nails into the skin above his hips as I nodded in reply.

“You don’t always have to ask, you know?” My left hand began to play with that thick, soft hair of his; I couldn’t resist it. Nausea hit me again as I thought of other girls with their hands in it. Why did I feel territorial about his hair of all things?

“What do you mean?” Zack placed a gentle kiss to the tip of my nose, and I felt the love in his action; it made my stomach twinge.

“Sometimes, maybe you should just do whatever it is you want to do to me. Sometimes a woman wants to be loved and held and put first. Other times, perhaps she just wants you to lose yourself in her, claim whatever you want?”

“Are you this woman, or are we talking theoretically? I’m a bit confused now. I was doing what I wanted, and you told me to stop?” His eyebrows knitted together. “Pretty mixed signals going on here.”

“I’m sorry.” I let go and put my hands at my sides. “You always put me first. Maybe you should put yourself first; I guess that’s all I meant. There’s no need to be gentle.”

“I put you first because I love you.” He began to pull away, but I grabbed at his arm. The tautness of his muscle so strong as he held himself up above me.

“I think me trying to act all sexy just went a bit wrong. I’m definitely not a natural.” I pouted, seeing his face soften at my words. “It’s been a while. If you had certain things on your mind then I’m all yours. That’s what I meant.”

---