Page 3 of Lily, Unwritten

All at once, he overtook every part of me; his fingers in my hair, his tongue in my mouth, his body on top of mine. It almost felt too much, yet absolutely what I needed, what I wanted. With one hand he pinned my wrists down on my stomach as he returned to where he had wanted to begin all along. This time I just went with it. I didn’t think about where I was or who I was with, I just lived in the moment, and, conversely, that gave him what he wanted too.

Zack stopped and pulled me onto him. We were both covered in sweat and the smell of each other now, as he pushed into me roughly. His hands held my shoulders down as his teeth grazed my neck. I couldn’t think; this was heaven for my troubled mind which had had so little respite.

“Please don’t stop.” I whispered, knowing he never would.

Two

We hadn’t thought to close the window shutters after we collapsed together, and so were consequently awoken by blinding rays of sunlight, which penetrated the room not long after five a.m. As I opened my eyes and squinted against the glare, I realised my head was on Zack’s chest, our arms around each other, our legs tangled up. We seemed to have woken with a void between us lately, this felt infinitely better.

“Why is it so bright?” Zack groaned, his voice deep and fatigued.

I pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “I’ll sort it, stay there.”

I forced myself out of the bed and opened the large window to let a breath of air into the stuffy room. As I altered the angle of the shutters, they blocked the strong rays of morning sun.

“That’s better, but I was enjoying the view,” said Zack. I pivoted and saw him turn onto his side.

“No, don’t move, I had a perfect little spot there.” I complained as I scooted back under the covers and tried to roll him onto his back again. I, of course, had no chance.

“Am I just here as a cushion to help you sleep?”

“It was nice waking up like that, I missed it.” I confessed.

“So, you want me to be nice again now?” Zack asked with a definite tone of annoyance.

“Zack—” I began.

“Look, if you just fancied spicing this up a bit, that’s fine. Never going to complain. But if there’s something wrong, you need to tell me. You can’t bottle things up and expect me to keep up. Yes, I’ve been desperate to get back to how we were, but I don’t just want you physically, it’s not all about sex. I want that connection back, that emotion. I don’t want to be with someone who seems like their mind is elsewhere.”

I laid my head back down on his smooth chest; his heartbeat drummed faster than normal. He wrapped his arm around me, and I knew I had to try and explain.

“My emotions are still a little beaten up. I’m sure yours are too. From the first time that you and I were together, at the wedding, it’s always been full of feeling and love. Do you know what I mean?”

Zack kissed the top of my head. “I do, it’s one of the ways I’ve always known we’re right together.”

“I was petrified, to be honest, that the feeling might be gone. Or it would be so strong I would be a sobbing wreck, and you’d think there was something wrong with me. It was easier to keep putting it off, but I knew that was stressing you out too.”

“Are you having doubts?” Zack gulped as he asked the question.

“No.” I kissed the hot skin of his chest. “No doubts. I love you.”

“You can talk to me, you know? You don’t have to keep these worries in.”

“I want us to look forwards and not back.” I replied, not wanting to acknowledge the fact that it was simply too painful to broach.

“Me too. But ignoring the issues won’t help in the long term.” Zack sat and pulled me onto him as he spoke, our chests pressed together under the thin summer sheet on the bed. I ran my hand up through his messy and disheveled hair as I nodded in agreement. “You only want me for my hair, don’t you?” A dimple appeared in his left cheek as he gave me his cheekiest grin.

His smile lit me up and infected me with happiness as I found myself smiling back. “Is it a problem?” I kissed him, and his breath shifted as my naked body pressed tight against his.

“Never…”

This was a million miles away from last night; feather-soft touches and slow kisses, whisperings of love and adoration. Our eyes took each other in as we synchronised together in a perfect mix. Everything in the universe felt healed and perfect for those moments. I couldn’t remember what I’d been afraid of.

We knew each other inside out; our bodies instinctively moved to please the other. The sun was already blistering hot, and Zack’s finger squeaked against the sweat on my back as he ran it up and down my spine. My hair stuck to his damp shoulder as I pressed my face against his neck. I struggled under ragged breaths as the sensations overtook me. Zack joined me, squeezing my body just a fraction too hard.

As we recovered, I lay on top of him and pressed kiss after kiss to his mouth, his cheeks, his neck. He wiped away the steady flow of tears that fell from my eyes with a gentle touch, the tears I’d been afraid of. Tears of love, hope, regret, grief… all mingled into a mess that threatened to overwhelm me.

“It’s OK, Lily,” he said as he hugged me with such care. “We’re OK, everything’s going to be fine.”

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