Page 43 of Lily, Unwritten

“I’m sure Zack will have calmed down when he gets back,” she tried to reassure me.

I shook my head, and a multitude of fresh tears sprang from my eyes. “I don’t think so. I think that was it for him.”

“No, sweetheart… He adores you. You’re getting married soon. He isn’t going to give up that easily.”

“I know him, Cass, that wasn’t him… He wants me to go. I should go.” I went to stand, my mind not knowing what to think. Should I pack and leave? Should I give up? She pulled me back down to her and focused her words on me, like she would when she needed to calm her children down.

“Just get what you need for tonight, and come stay with me and the girls in our room. He’ll be back, he’ll calm down, and you two can sort all of this out. I’ll go downstairs and vaguely explain it’s a misunderstanding, and then I’ll bring all the wine upstairs for us until you fall asleep. OK, lovely?”

A fresh barrage of tears assaulted me as I hugged her tight against me. What would I ever do without this Cassie?

I grabbed my pyjamas, toothbrush and phone. I also pocketed the USB from the laptop, I didn’t want Zack to sit and listen again when he eventually came back. If he came back.

Ruby and Emilia were asleep in bunk beds as I crept into Cassie’s room and lay under the cool covers of her double bed. I watched their faces, so peaceful and beautiful. Just as I wondered about if I’d ever get to lie down and look upon my own children, Cassie tiptoed in with two bottles of wine and two glasses. She grimaced and eyed the girls as the glasses clinked together, then poured the wine generously for each of us, before slipping into bed beside me.

I smiled, a hopeless, sad smile as tears leaked from my eyes. “I’m scared to see him tomorrow, Cassie. What if he won’t even talk to me?”

“He’ll want to talk, of course he will,” she reassured me.

“Are you sure? You know what he’s like. On his birthday of all days…” I took a huge gulp of the wine, almost choking as it combined with my tears.

We sat in the bed, held hands, and drank the wine in silence, before Cassie took the near empty glass from me and gave me a tight hug. “Get some rest, we’ll sort it all out tomorrow.”

I heard her breath settle into the slow pattern of sleep as I lay there, eyes wide open watching the moonlight seep in around the curtains. I couldn’t sleep, there was no way. I was going to listen for Zack’s return, I needed to know he was safe and not out doing something stupid again, or someone…

I shot bolt upright in bed as I heard a door slam, causing the room to shake. Immediately, I threw my arm across my eyes as bright sunshine assaulted my face. Squinting out, I saw that Cassie and the girls were gone. I felt nauseous as I realised that slamming door was the bedroom next door, mine and Zack’s.

I tiptoed to the bathroom, feeling foolish as I crept around, it’s not like he was going to burst in here to get me. A long, exhausted breath escaped my mouth as I saw my sorry reflection in the mirror. Eyes bloodshot and baggy, skin red from a combination of the sun and the crying. My hair was like a bird’s nest. This was far removed from the sexy birthday treat I’d tried to create last night.

My hand shook as I brushed my teeth and forced my wild, scruffy hair into a high ponytail. I splashed water on my face and crossed to the bedroom door. It wasn’t only my hand that trembled, my whole body was in a state of alert, ready for flight or fight. I didn’t know what was going to happen.

I knocked on our bedroom door, eliciting no response. I could hear the bangs of drawers and doors inside. I cautiously inched it open and peeped around.

Zack was still in his clothes from last night, his hair was still, somehow, perfect, but his face was thunderous. He had his suitcase on the bed and clothes were being tossed into it haphazardly, not at all like him, especially considering what he’d spent on the designer labels. He looked up, and our eyes met for the briefest of seconds before he looked away.

“Thought you would’ve run back to him by now.” The words were snarled as he spoke, he was still in a total rage, and I knew it was pointless to try and communicate when he was like this.

“I don’t want to be with him, I don’t know how to make you see. I’m with you, we’re supposed to be getting married remember?”

A mean, half laugh escaped his lips, but he didn’t stop piling his belongings into the case. I stepped fully into the room, wincing as he slammed another cupboard.

“Zack, can you please stop, can we talk?”

Suddenly, he was right up against me, his face contorted in anger and rage. “There is nothing to talk about. I meant what I said. I will not play second best to him. I will not marry you and spend forever wondering if you’re seeing him, missing him, fucking him. Every time I look at you, I see him all over you. We’re done.”

“If you just listen to that conversation again when you’re a little calmer, you’ll see?—”

He cut me off, angrily. “Every time I see you on your phone, I’ll think you’re messaging him. Every time you go to Cassie’s, I’ll think you’re secretly seeing him. I’ll wonder, on our wedding day, if you wish I was him. I can’t live like that.” His voice wavered, and my heart cracked in mirrored sympathy. I reached my arm out to him; utterly afraid of what was happening here, he shrugged me off and turned away. “Every time we make love, I’ll think you wish I was him. It’s better this ends now, than I spend the rest of my life wondering if I’m just a consolation prize.”

He stormed back towards the bed and continued his frenzy; clothes being bundled up and thrown into the suitcase. He tried to zip it up but it wouldn’t close. He muttered angrily, swearing more than I’d known before. I backed away towards the door, just in time as he lifted the case and hurled it towards the wall. The beautiful full-length mirror that stood adjacent to the end of the bed shattered into thousands of tiny pieces of glass with the impact. I was knocked to the side as Zack barged past me without so much as a glance and slammed the door behind him, leaving me in the empty room full of smashed glass and screwed up clothes, mirroring the wreck that was our relationship right now.

Cassie bolted in a moment later. She surveyed the state of the room through anxious eyes before taking my face in her hands and looking me over. “Are you OK?” she asked.

I nodded and buried my head into her shoulder, wracked with sobs of utter despair. He wasn’t going to calm down from this. I knew him. It was over, all our dreams, our future.

I sank down to the floor and she sat with me, her arms wrapped protectively around my shoulders. “Cassie,” I asked. “Can we try and get a flight later today? I don’t want to stay here, I can’t be on the plane with him tomorrow.”

She pulled her phone from the pocket of her shorts and began to search websites. “Of course we can, if that’s what you want. Do you want me to go and talk to him?”

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