Page 42 of Lily, Unwritten

“No, Zack, no, please, I love you.”

“Let me just play this again.”

“I can’t go through it again. I still can’t say for sure what I would’ve done that morning if you hadn’t left, if you hadn’t sent that email, but, Luke… I think it was going to be you.”

“You were going to choose him, weren’t you, Lily?” He spat the words at me. I’d seen him angry before, but this was different, it scared me.

“I don’t know, Zack; I don’t know what I was doing. That was ages ago, I do know what I’m doing now, I know what I want. Anna has just done this to cause trouble?—”

“Don’t fucking blame her!” he raged, his volume out of control. I knew everyone downstairs would be able to hear. “Yes, she’s a bitch, but you were the one cosied up to him while I was at work.” The word ‘him’ dripped with hatred.

“We weren’t cosied up. Not at all. Please, Zack.”

“Then what was that comment, Lily? That night was perfection? Fucking him was perfection, was it?”

I almost gagged, my mouth filled up with saliva as my stomach contracted into painful spasms.

“No, no, that’s not what I meant. Please,” I begged.

“No wonder it took so long to get you back into bed when you came back.” His face was snarled up, like I’d never seen it before. “Have you just been thinking about him every, single, time?” He enunciated each word with venom.

“Of course not. Please trust me, I—” Zack cut me off before I could finish the sentence. His voice boomed around the room.

“I don’t think I can ever trust you. Every time I think this has gone away, it rears its head again. How happy have we been lately? And it was all fake for you.”

“It wasn’t.” I gulped for air as tears rolled down my face. “It wasn’t fake, I love you, I love you so much.”

“Do you know… as hard as this is, in six months, when we’d be married and everything, it would be worse. I can’t do this anymore, Lily.”

“Zack… what do you mean? Please, please don’t do this,” I begged him as I knelt on the cold, tiled floor, in what was meant to be a dress to seduce him on his thirtieth birthday, desperate for him not to give up on us. “It was absolutely nothing. I’ll find out if she has more of the tape, you’ll see how it ended. It was nothing. Or I’ll get Cassie to call him, he’ll tell you.”

“You think I ever want to speak to him? How delusional are you?” He swatted tears from his cheeks. “Lily, you have one chance here, be one hundred per cent honest. Did you choose me, or did he make the decision for you?”

I took a deep breath; I could already feel him falling away from me. How could it be a few short hours ago we were curled up together talking about our future and now, this. “I hadn’t made my decision… the email forced it.”

“I want you to go. Now.” He slammed the laptop shut and turned away from me.

“No, Zack, no. I love you. I want to be with you. This is stupid, over something from the past.”

“No,” he roared in an uncontrolled rage. Never mind his family, I think this whole region of Spain could hear him. “I’m stupid for thinking you’d ever leave him behind. I said before I wouldn’t play second fiddle to him. Go screw your best friend. I give up. I. Give. Up. Just go. Now.”

He stormed out; the door slammed behind him so hard the room shook. I crossed to the Juliette balcony, and through blurry eyes saw people look up at me. Others headed towards him as he got into the taxi that was supposed to take us out for dinner. Leah and Maisie quickly jumped into it with him, and they were gone.

The bedroom door burst open as Cassie rushed inside. She wrapped her arms around me as I sobbed into her shoulder; my tears soaked into her thin sun top. “What the hell? What just happened? You couldn’t keep your hands off each other earlier. Did I just hear him say it was over?”

I nodded as I whimpered, which spread the tears even further. She held me tight as I sobbed uncontrollably. I was hot, sticky, snotty, full of tears, crying so hard I couldn’t think, never mind speak.

“What happened?” she asked in her kindest voice as she stroked my cheek and wiped my hot tears away. I gestured over towards the laptop, which Zack had left on the bed before he stormed out. Cassie sat down and opened it up. I could see her focus on the file before she pressed play.

I kept my head between my knees, wishing I could block out the sound of Luke and I talking; I didn’t want to hear it ever again. After a couple of minutes, Cassie came back over to me and gently lifted my head up, her eyes close to mine.

“You didn’t tell me you’d seen Luke. When was that?” I could sense concern in Cassie’s voice but also notes of tension, hidden anger.

“Just before Christmas. We didn’t plan it… I tried to get out of it. I really did, but it was last minute, and I would’ve been in the worst trouble at work if I didn’t go.” I wiped my eyes again on my bare arm, wishing I had long sleeves. The air in the room was hot and stifling, everything seemed to spin and churn within my stomach.

“Why did you keep it secret? You should have told me. You definitely should have told Zack.”

“There wasn’t much to tell. Honestly, that conversation, that was pretty much it. We didn’t kiss, we didn’t arrange to meet again, it was just one more goodbye. A horrible goodbye. I went home and cried like a banshee, and then it was done. I focused on Zack and our future. But… it’s ruined everything. Anna has ruined it all; I’m going to kill her, I swear, Cassie!”

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