Page 44 of For the Love of Lily

“I know. A boyfriend and a very, very pretty ‘what if’, sat here looking like absolute heaven right now.” I couldn’t take my eyes off his, so I snuggled up against him and took a gulp of the cool, sharp wine. “I can’t cheat on him, Luke,” I sighed again. “I know too well how that hurts.”

“I wouldn’t ever expect or want you to,” he murmured, his mouth pressed against the top of my head. “It killed me to say no that night we lay in my back garden, but I had to. I’m not sure where we’re going from here?”

A million images landed in my brain all at once, showing how we could be together, how we perhaps should’ve been together all this time. I remembered how broken Luke had looked back in my flat when I had said no, and I hated myself again. Then I thought about potentially telling Zack it was over, and I felt physically nauseous; he’d be shattered. I worried it would break him in the way that my own breakup had affected me all those years ago. How could I pay that pain forward? But then how could I be without Luke?

“I don’t know what we do…”

“I don’t want to put you in an awkward position, Lily.” I raised my eyebrow and shot him a suggestive smile, causing him to laugh. “Not that kind of position, although I do want to do that, I meant-”

“I know what you meant, don’t worry. But I’m intrigued about what position you were thinking about.” I walked over to the window and looked out at the lovely garden.

Luke walked behind me and slid his arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder. “Last time you didn’t think. You went straight into panic mode and threw me out. It was my fault, I sprung it on you at a bad time. I’d pretty much given up when you sent me that message after your housewarming. It made me realise there was still hope.”

“I thought about you so much while you were gone, I realised, more than I should’ve been. I wasn’t just missing a friend. It made me feel guilty, though, for hurting you, for contemplating hurting Zack. Whatever I do here, someone loses.” I turned around into his arms.

“That kiss in my office. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but I couldn’t leave without feeling that, just once.”

My breaths were falling over each other. I thought of Zack at home, happy with his friends. I thought of Cassie over in the house, stuck between all this despite having her own turmoil.

My voice was quiet, the words should have stayed in my head, but instead they spilled into existence. “It was the best kiss I ever had, Luke.”

“In that case…” He tilted his head towards mine. The strength of feeling scared me; I didn’t want him to stop. I was literally weak at the knees as our mouths locked together, his kisses soft and slow as they sank love into me.

“I went away to get over you, but I can’t,” he whispered to me, his lips scattering kisses around my neck and cheek.

I held him close, wanting to breathe in every ounce of him and never let it go. “Zack won’t let me see you. It still doesn’t seem like it’s our time.”

“Why are you with someone who is trying to control you?”

I gasped and tilted my head back as his fingers traced spirals along my back, his hand sliding inside my blouse.

“He doesn’t, Luke.” I bit my lip as he kissed the exposed skin of my upper neck. “He has insane jealousy about you, and I think it’s fairly valid. Look at us.”

“One more minute and I’ll stop, I promise.” Then his hands were in my hair, his body was pressing me against the wall and his mouth was clashing against mine in an urgent kiss. How could a person taste this delicious? I wanted to sample every single inch of him, be trapped underneath him while he absolutely devoured me. The throbbing between my legs was insane. I wanted-

All of a sudden, he paused. I gasped for breath as he backed away, smiling coyly. He knew full well what he was doing to me. I needed to handle this properly, like an adult and not a horny teenager.

“Sorry, I went too far. Come on, let’s have a drink and relax.”

Unsurprisingly, the second bottle of wine loosened my tongue. We lay together on the bed, talking as we always had in the past. We both loved our beds. “If I left him, would you be with me?” I blurted out, without thinking. It was completely unrelated to the conversation that was in progress.

Luke’s eyes focused on my own. “In a heartbeat.”

“I’ll think about it. My mind is so muddled. I don’t want to hurt him, and I have the house and the job, but this… I can’t ignore this.”

“Everything can be undone, Lily. Houses, jobs, relationships. We could go anywhere in the world together.”

He looked insanely sexy. Drunk brain was well and truly in charge now. I imagined us locked in sexy trysts on beaches, by lakes, on planes, lush hotel rooms. Breathe, Lily! Drunk brain had an idea.

“I read a sad magazine article the other day.”

Luke frowned at me in confusion. “I’m struggling to keep up with this now,” he said, pouring more wine. “Go on…”

“This couple had decided not to have sex before marriage. And on their wedding night,” I tried to look serious. “She found out he had a micropenis.”

“What’s a micropenis?” Luke was studying me like I was insane.

“In this guy, it was a congenital issue, really teeny tiny. But he hadn’t told her, so she found out the hard way, or not! She divorced him. Feel bad for him.”

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