Page 43 of For the Love of Lily

“Erm,” he began. “Obviously, that’s not an immediate plan, I just meant, in general…”

He blushed and I pressed a kiss to his lips. “I love you. Don’t gamble the house away, we’re only renting it, remember. See you tomorrow, gorgeous.”

I drove to Cassie’s in contemplative silence. It had taken me an age to get ready. I wanted to look good for Luke but not so good that Zack was suspicious about what I was doing. I opted for hair down and slightly wavy with the classic black winged eyeliner and red lipstick look, my best black skinny jeans, and a gorgeous deep red, silk blouse by The Kooples that Cassie had spent way too much on for me at Christmas.

Cassie handed me a large glass of wine the instant I walked through the door. “Kids are already asleep,” she said as we sat down together. “I’m going to get an early night, but can we discuss one unbreakable rule before I do?”

“Sure,” I smiled.

“Granny flat is all made up for you to stay over. That’s you, Lily. I’m not having you two shagging behind Zack’s back in there. This is just to talk. I still can’t even decide if my best mates shagging is weird or lovely. So don’t do it.”

“Of course, and I fully agree,” I nodded.

“You look gorgeous by the way. I knew that blouse would be perfect on you,” she smiled.

“You not wanna stay up and chat for a while?” I asked.

Cassie shook her head. “I’m worn out. It’s been a horrible week. To be honest, I want to get to Tuesday so I can see that doctor and get an idea of what’s going on. Early night, on my own, is exactly what I need.”

“I understand. Maybe in the morning we can take the girls out together? Zack has a big night planned, no point me heading home too quick.”

Cassie agreed and gave me the key to the granny flat before she headed upstairs. I wandered over, smiling as I peeked inside the fridge. Cassie had left wine and chocolate for me. Just as I was choosing a bottle, I heard gentle knocking at the door. My stomach dropped through the floor.

My palms were clammy as I opened the door and looked up at Luke. His hair still highlighted by the sun, those bloody adorable freckles, his tanned arms under a light blue shirt. Had those arm muscles always been so defined? Our eyes were locked in contact as he stepped inside, into my arms.

God, I’d missed this. Those arms had held me a thousand times through good and bad and never let me down.

“You smell amazing,” I said as I inhaled his scent. He smelled like a warm Mediterranean night, delicious and sensual. He squeezed me and then stepped back, his eyes travelling over me again.

“You look beautiful,” he said.

“I thought pretty was our word?” As he sat down, I poured us both wine. “You’re not driving, are you?” I asked, wondering how full to leave the glass.

He shook his head, “I walked.”

We sat close and talked about his trip, my job, what our friends had been up to, how the kids had grown, how TikTok wasn’t the same anymore… but Zack was never mentioned. It felt like there was so much being left unsaid.

“This feels surreal. Sitting here with you after everything that’s happened.” Luke shuffled in his seat as he spoke.

“It does, and I feel like you’re going to tell me something awful?” My throat felt dry and constricted.

“No, at least I hope you don’t find it awful,” he took a deep breath. “What I wanted to ask was about that conversation we had in your flat… it went so wrong. It was a shock. We were both over emotional, and I don’t want that to define us in any way. I’m not asking this with any expectation of a different outcome, Lily, but could we start that conversation again? You not being in my life for so long has been unbearable. I want you in my life, in one form or another, and for that to happen we need to iron out what was said.”

“I agree. That day still upsets me whenever I think of it. How about we forget that and just start from the beginning? When you asked to meet me that day. When you brought that gorgeous Caramel Macchiato. Let’s start from there but with wine.” I smiled, trying not to show how nervous and unsure I was in the moment.

“Lily, there’s something I’ve wanted to say to you for a long time now, which is ridiculous, but I haven’t wanted to scare you or push you away. I kept thinking, give it a couple more months. Then I went to Uganda, which feels a lifetime ago. I missed every wonderful chance I had.” He gulped loudly and took another long breath, looking down at the glass of wine in his hand.

“I’ve been in love with you for so long now. Initially, when I began to have feelings for you, you were in a bad place emotionally, you were petrified. I didn’t want you to think me helping you was a way to get close to you. Then you grew stronger and happier, and we had the best fun and laughter together. We were as close as friends could be, but I had no idea if you felt the same, so I never said anything. Have you ever felt the same about me?”

His stunning blue eyes were inside of my soul, my hand shook as I sipped my wine.

“You saved me from a desperate and low place, and I wasn’t always grateful enough. I’m sorry for that. We became the best friends in the world. I loved all the fun and adventures we had together. When you told me you loved me, it shocked me. I had no idea. How could you have gone so long and not said a word?” I asked. “Wouldn’t there even have been one drunk night you tried to kiss me? I assumed you weren’t interested in me, so I never gave it another thought. I struggle with how you could keep it secret for so long.”

“Me too,” he sighed. “I was an idiot.”

“I just didn’t know you liked me like that. I wish I’d known,” I shrugged, saddened and resigned now to the missed opportunities. “Cassie made me promise we wouldn’t shag.”

He laughed out loud. “I hadn’t realised it was on the agenda. You have a boyfriend.”

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