Page 41 of For the Love of Lily

“It’s so good to see you. Zack seems fine about-”

“All done!” Two little voices shouted at us and cut Luke off as they ran out of the bathroom.

“Story time then!” I ushered them into Ruby’s bedroom, towards the story corner which was piled high with beanbags, throws and cushions, a gorgeous and overflowing bookcase of beautifully illustrated books dominating one wall.

Luke and I sat next to each other on beanbags, with a child each on our knees. As I began to read them a story about a singing mermaid, he slid his free arm behind me and hugged us all together. I drew out every word, turned the pages carefully, enjoying the feel of him and the happiness radiating from the room. It was still over too soon though. Luke carried Emilia back to her room as I tucked Ruby in. She looked sleepy and angelic.

Switching on her monitor, I tiptoed out, closing her door behind me. Unable to see much in the dark hallway as my eyes adjusted, I heard Luke softly close Emilia’s door and tiptoe over to me.

He placed a finger over my lips and shushed, before wrapping his arms around me. I knew the monitors would pick up any words. We needed to be quiet, but there was so much I wanted to say.

As he held me close, my muscle memory kicked in, my head seeking its natural spot against his shoulder, his heart beating against me, my own arms wrapping around his back. An ache spread throughout me. How had I gone so long without this?

His mouth pressed against my ear as hushed whispers vibrated on his lips, “I missed you.”

I looked up at him, wanting to portray that I felt the same. Those eyes though… how had I never felt lost in them before? This was dangerous and stupid, but I was drawn to him. My breath caught in my throat as he stroked a finger down my cheek, then his lips were heading towards mine…

His mouth hovered millimetres away from mine, setting every nerve ending on fire. He was torn, as was I. Should this happen or not?

The decision was made for us as the slam of the front door signalled that Zack and Guy had arrived back from the pub. Their loud laughter echoed up the stairs. We sprang apart. Luke headed downstairs whilst I waited in the bathroom for a few minutes, checking myself in the mirror as if I’d have a big flashing sign above my head that I’d just been about to kiss my best friend. Again.

After composing myself, I found everyone lounging with fresh drinks, laughing and chatting. It was a genuine, happy scene. Luke was telling a story about Japan. Zack patted the empty seat next to him, and I sat at his side. His arm wrapped around me. It felt weird but nice, snuggled up with Zack, listening to them all talk, whilst exchanging smiles with Luke.

By eleven, everyone was drunk except for me, the designated driver, who was sleepy. Cassie was hanging off Zack’s neck and once again insisting that she was the most miraculous matchmaker on the planet. Luke grasped the opportunity and hugged me. I felt him take in a deep breath as he held me close, his hands stroked my back. I gulped down my nerves. I knew him too well, his eyes weren’t that drunk. I imagined him going back to the granny flat on his own. For a moment, I wished we were staying over, then I could sneak out there and do exactly what I wanted. Stop it, Lily!

The air outside was warm. Within five minutes of leaving, Zack fell asleep in the passenger seat, which gave me thinking time. I had a horrible feeling life was going to get complicated for us all.

Fifteen

I skipped downstairs in my floaty new skirt when I heard the familiar rhythmic sound of Cassie knocking on the front door. We were overdue a Saturday night out.

“Hello!” she bubbled with excitement as I let her in. “I’m so ready for time away from the kids. Please say we can go to that gorgeous bar with the gigantic gin cocktails? The bars around here are so much better than at home.”

I hugged her, and we walked through to the kitchen, where she proceeded to manhandle Zack. He smiled at her with true affection.

“It’s good to see you,” she said to Zack. The two of them had such soft spots for each other. “You OK? You look a little peaky?” She held a hand up to his forehead, always in Mum mode.

“I’m fine,” he answered. “Just been working crazy hours. Planning an early night while you two are out tearing up the town.”

“It won’t be a late one. Cassie’s getting the last train,” I explained.

“I know, I wish I could stay,” Cassie explained. “Kids have got two different parties in two different places in the morning, so we need to take one each. Bloody parents who organise kids’ parties early on a Sunday morning,” she scowled, but I knew she loved motherhood and everything that came with it. I also knew that it was going to be a big topic of conversation tonight.

Zack came to the door to see us out, hugging us both and whispering to me, “Are you going to come home all ginned up and horny?”

“Would you like me to?” I asked with a smile.

“I’ll be disappointed if not,” he grinned and kissed me goodbye.

We went to a bar that I knew Cassie adored, the one she had mentioned. It had a gorgeous roof terrace, and the lovely views meant it was always packed. I spotted a small table near the edge, nestled amongst groups of glamorous ladies and couples. Cassie brought two oversized, over-priced cocktails over and began telling me lots of mundane news. I nodded and smiled, knowing she was avoiding other subjects.

“Cassie, you haven’t said anything about the baby issue in a while. Are you still trying? I see the large gin so guess no news yet?”

She looked down at the table, picking at a napkin. “I went to the doctors. They did blood tests and it wasn’t great.”

I reached out for her hand. “Did they find something? Are you OK?”

She took a massive gulp of the gin. “It seems my oestrogen levels are way, way down. We’re going to go private rather than wait, but I googled, and it freaked me out.”

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