Page 42 of For the Love of Lily

“Cassie, Dr Google doesn’t know everything. You need to see what the experts say.”

“Dr Google doesn’t know everything, you’re right. But he does know that oestrogen levels that low at my age indicate early menopause caused by ‘primary ovarian insufficiency’.”

“Seriously? You’re only in your late twenties. When’s your appointment?”

“Two weeks. See what they say. I googled it-” she stopped speaking and laughed with nerves as I raised an eyebrow again at her obsessive googling.

“I’d need to move fast, I think, see if there were eggs left that they could freeze and go down an IVF route,” she sighed with a deep sadness.

“Cassie, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know I’m only an hour away, but it feels further when stuff like this is going on. Nothing is definite until you get that opinion from the private clinic though, it might not be as bad as you think.”

We were both silent for a minute.

“Is Luke still in the granny flat?” I asked, trying to sound casual.

Cassie nodded. “Are you two friends or not now? I can’t figure it out.”

“Yeah, but we don’t speak much because Zack gets in a right strop.” I rolled my eyes.

“Be fair to him, I can see why.”

“I’m allowed to have friends, Cassie!”

“Friends who you have crazy, sexy, intense kisses with?” She drummed her fingernails on the table.

“Zack doesn’t know about that.”

“I’m sure he can pick up on the tension between you two. I know you were upstairs together longer than you needed to be last week.” Her eyes zeroed in on me.

“What are you accusing me of? We hugged. We missed each other, that’s all!” I raised my voice, feeling a mixture of indignant and guilty all at once.

“I want you to understand that you and Zack are perfect together. If you aren’t careful, you could lose that. He won’t put up with you messing around with Luke. Why should he?”

“I’m not messing around with Luke. I want to be able to meet my friend, and Zack pretty much said I wasn’t allowed, which pissed me off.” I took a long drink, shaking the lemon slice off my mouth in annoyance.

“I don’t like being in the middle of this. You and Luke both tell me subtly different versions of events. I know something is off.” Her tone was accusatory.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on. I wanted to meet Luke to talk. Zack went all stroppy husband and wouldn’t let me. I’m not cheating on him, Cassie, don’t accuse me of stuff like that.”

Cassie almost spat her drink out. “Jesus, calm down. I need the loo. I’ll bring more gin back.”

I handed her my bank card as she went. Why did everything have to be so tense these days?

When she returned, laden down with fish-bowl glasses, her face looked a little softer.

“Listen, I understand Zack not wanting you to see him. I also understand that the two of you need to talk. Luke is moving back to his house on Wednesday. If you wanted to come over to see me on Friday night, it wouldn’t be anyone’s fault if Luke dropped by to pick up something he forgot, would it? Guy is away, so no point Zack joining us unless he wants to talk about early bloody menopause.”

“Thank you. You’re the best,” I smiled.

“Yeah, yeah, remember this if I need to borrow your womb,” she grinned, and the rest of the evening passed in good spirits, my mind mostly keeping itself in check with regard to Luke and Zack.

As predicted, once Zack knew that Luke had moved out and Guy was working away, he wasn’t remotely interested in coming to Cassie’s with me. He arranged a boys’ night in instead. I surveyed my beautiful coffee table full of playing cards, poker chips, cigars, whiskey and beer.

“All-nighter?” I asked with a smile.

“For sure. Not often I get an empty house. Need to practise for my stag do anyway. I reckon Vegas.”

Neither of us spoke as the realisation of what he’d just said dawned.

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