Page 75 of Jesse's Girl

I swallow. I can’t tell him the truth: that I can’t stop thinking about putting my mouth on his mouth. That he needs to move out of my apartment before I do something stupid.

“I dunno. I just think it’s crazy to walk away from a steady job like that.” The words feel weak on my tongue. “You’ve been there for eight years. And you love the work you’re doing.” I don’t want him to give up something he loves just because I put some silly idea in his head. “You have a life there, right?”

“And there’s nothing for me here?”

“Well, is there?” The unspoken question lodges in my throat: Am I part of it?

The answer, of course, is no. I can’t be. Even if Marcus wasn’t an issue, I’m not the kind of girl you move across the world for.

“I dunno, Ada.” He steps closer and a muscle in his jaw ticks. “You tell me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” My voice is small and quiet. “Why are you putting this on me?”

Does he want me to tell him to stay? What would that accomplish?

He exhales a quick breath. The food truck line moves up again and we drift a few steps forward to close the gap. He runs a hand over his beard and fixes his gaze somewhere down the road.

I watch him in profile, wishing I could read his mind—wishing we could say what we’re both trying not to. “It’s your life, Jess. I can’t tell you what to do.”

“You’re right,” he says quietly. “That wasn’t fair. I’m sorry.”

“We both know you can’t base this on what I think.” My next words strip me bare—the closest I’ve come to saying it out loud. “Or what I want.”

It doesn’t matter that I want him. It’s just attraction. Nothing more. It can’t be more.

He turns back to me, giving me a long look, but doesn’t ask what I want. I can see in his eyes he already knows.

“I wanna fuck Jesse.” I shut my locker in the staff room and slump down on a nearby chair.

“Holy crap, she finally admits it.” Katie’s voice is rough on the other end of the line, like I just woke her up. I probably did.

“I wanna fuck Jesse,” I say again. Admitting it out loud feels good. And terrifying.

Katie’s laugh is equal parts delighted and rueful. “Took you long enough. I’m totally not doing my I told you so dance right now.”

“Gloss over that part, please!” I say, my tone agitated.

Fuck, I want him so bad, it’s making me angry.

“So, you going to?” Katie asks.

“No!” I blurt. “I can’t!” I pick at the chipped paint on the edge of the staff room chair. “Can I?”

“Okay, back up a step. Where’s this coming from? Last I heard, you were dead set that nothing would happen between you two.”

I fill her in on our food truck dinner: burgers with a side of angst.

“I’m totally, completely, and utterly fucked,” I say. And frustratingly, not in the literal sense.

“Get a grip,” Katie says with a laugh. “Nothing even happened. You just talked. It’s not like you ended up in his lap—this time.”

“Yeah, but what do I do?” I press, clenching my free hand into a fist. “I have to live with him for another month!”

Her long exhale whooshes a cloud of white noise through the phone. “Well, what do you want to do? I mean, Marcus would be pissed—that’s a given. But, like, do you think you could keep it on the down-low? If something did happen? Just… not tell him?”

“I doubt Jesse’s willing to go there. He’s barely able to admit anything about this in plain English.”

“But he wants to, right?”

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