Page 74 of Jesse's Girl

I know I’ve been fighting my attraction, but I can’t deny there’s something more drawing me to Jesse. Probably just our friendship blurring everything. I try to put the thought out of my mind, because I neither want a relationship nor is there any possibility of one with him.

“Anyway, I guess you got me thinking about things.” He runs a hand through his hair, mussing it up. I have the sudden urge to drag my fingers through it too. Maybe scratch my fingernails lightly on his scalp as I angle his head, showing him exactly where I want his mouth and?—

A shiver ripples over my skin.

Holy shit.

I’m riding a rollercoaster here, swinging wildly from hoping he likes me to hoping he rails me—neither of which can or should happen. One thing’s clear, though: I’m hard up for this man.

“Things?” A soft breeze blows my hair forward and I tuck it behind my ear.

We fall into line behind about a dozen people in a queue that snakes along the sidewalk in front of the food truck.

Jesse hesitates—probably wondering why I’ve gone from cold bitch to blushing bright pink in a matter of minutes.

“Well?” I ask, wide-eyed, and plaster on a mask of impatience to hide my scandalous thoughts. “Do you always reveal information this slowly? Fucking out with it!”

He blows out a breath. “Okay, look. I’ve been thinking about what it might be like if I moved back here… back home.”

What?

A flood of mixed emotions hits me all at once. My heart lifts for a brief second before a vise-like squeeze takes hold. Getting to have Jesse around indefinitely would be incredible. But more importantly, torturous. It would mean having to fight off this… whatever I feel for him… long term. I don’t think I have that in me. No. He can’t move back here.

I realize he’s staring at me, waiting for a reaction, and I frown. “What about your job?”

“Well, yeah, there’s that. But maybe I could talk more with Dimitri about that thing his boss is?—”

“No, Jess,” I interrupt, desperate to discourage this idea. “You can’t just quit your job.”

This has to be temporary. I was counting on it being temporary. I need to stamp an expiration date on this.

He pulls his head back. “You don’t think I should?”

“No!” I say too quickly, grasping for a way to stave off the hurt quickly blooming on his face. “I mean… I just…”

“Wow. Okay. I have to say, that’s not how I thought you’d react. I thought—” His lips form a thin line and he shakes his head.

I fold my arms over my chest. “How am I supposed to react?”

“I dunno.” He throws his arms out at his sides. “Happy I might stick around?”

Of course I want you around, you asshole. That’s the problem.

When I don’t respond, he raises his eyebrows. “Wow, you’re really in a rush to get rid of me, huh?”

“I didn’t say tha?—”

“It’s fine! I get it. You probably wanna find a permanent roommate, anyway.” He looks away. “Maybe Influencer Barbie is still available.”

I can’t help but smile at that, but something behind his sarcastic tone tells me he’s trying not to let what I said get to him.

“Or maybe you can find a friendly hoarder,” he muses. “Or someone who’s, like, really into pickling things. Or crypto.” He stuffs his hands in his pockets, studying the food truck. “So, yeah, don’t let me stop you from living your best life.”

I flinch at his inadvertent echo of Pascal’s cruel words: “Go on, Ada. Keep living your best life… Fuck off to London or Paris or whatever to do your drawings, but I have needs too. Did you think I’d wait around for months? For you?”

The blood in my veins ices over as Jesse moves to close the gap in the line ahead of us. When I can force my feet to move, I shuffle forward to join him, finally finding my voice. “I’m not in a rush to kick you out, okay? That’s not what I’m saying.”

“So, what are you saying?”

---