Page 151 of Holding On

"But you love him."

"For the last time, I do not love him."

"Last time?" She stands back. "That's the first time I've said that."

"Oh. Yeah. Mike was the one who said that. I forgot."

"Mike said you loved Ethan?"

"Yeah." I roll my eyes. "Can you believe that? He was just joking around."

"Mike would never say that unless he meant it."

"He didn't mean it. He was just teasing me."

"I don't think he was. I don't know Mike that well but I know him enough to know that he wouldn't joke about something like that."

"You weren't there when he said it. He said it in a joking way."

"Because he's uncomfortable with you being in love. He said it to see how you'd react. To see if he's right. And if you reacted the way you did just now when I said it, then you confirmed it. You love Ethan."

"I have to go," I say, walking out of the break room. "I have to check my tables."

She follows me through the kitchen. "You gonna be all right?"

I stop and turn to her. "I'm fine. It was just a summer fling with a hot football player. I knew it wouldn't last. I never intended it to."

She gives me a sad frown but there's nothing to be sad about. Okay, yeah, part of me feels sad, but that's only because I've spent so much time with Ethan. I admit I'll miss seeing him, but I'll get over it.

Ethan calls and texts at least ten times during my shift but I delete all his messages. He had his chance to talk, multiple chances, and he chose not to.

When I get home just after midnight, I find the apartment filled with flowers. There must be at least a dozen bouquets, all arranged in vases. The flowers he gave me earlier are still sitting on the kitchen table, wilting from not being in water.

"You want to explain this?" Mike asks, getting up from the couch.

"They're from Ethan. I broke up with him and he wants to get back together."

"What happened? Why'd you break up with him?"

"He wouldn't talk to me." I open the fridge and grab the gallon of milk.

"And?" Mike asks, clearly thinking the no-talking thing isn't that big of a deal. Makes sense. He's just like Ethan that way.

"And then he told me to leave." I grab a bowl and pour myself some cereal. "I went to his house yesterday to see him and he was acting weird so I asked him what's wrong but he wouldn't tell me."

"So you pushed him to talk."

"Yes, but he wouldn't. And then he told me to leave." I pour the milk over my cereal. "This isn't the first time this has happened. This is a pattern in our relationship and I'm tired of it. In fact, he's kicked me out two other times. Granted, we weren't dating all of those times, but still. The point is, he doesn't trust me enough to tell me what's bothering him and that's a problem."

Mike sits down at the table. "Sometimes guys have a hard time talking about stuff."

"I knew you'd say that." I remain standing, eating my cereal. "You're just like Ethan that way. You never tell me anything."

"That's not true. I tell you stuff all the time."

"Not personal stuff, like what you were going through after Tricia left or what happened the night you lost your leg."

"The stuff with Tricia is something I needed to deal with myself. You don't know all the history between her and me and I don't want you to. You don't need to know. And as for what happened overseas, I don't want you knowing that either." He motions to the table. "Sit down."

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