Page 37 of Masquerade Mistake

I’m immediately struck by two things. One, my nerve to bring up meeting Finn completely evaporates. Like, poof, nerve gone. Two, Ethan looks incredible. I mean, all he’s wearing is a pair of jeans and a fitted button up shirt. But we haven’t gone on a real date since we went out for hot dogs, and I’d gotten used to his laid-back look. Not that there was anything wrong with that. I kind of loved his sweatpants and t-shirt look he rocked in the mornings. But right now, I feel lightheaded seeing the way his shirt accentuates his broad chest and strong arms. I almost regret going out.

Then he grins at me, and it’s the same sheepish grin Finn gives me when he knows he’s in trouble but is trying to be cute to get on my good side. It works every time with Finn. On Ethan, it’s damn near irresistible.

“What?” I ask.

“It’s just, I’m tempted to call off the whole movie and take you immediately to bed.”

Even though I’d already been thinking the same thing, I shake my head, pushing my hand on his chest as he moves toward me.

“Oh, no. Not happening. I spent way too long getting ready for you to just strip me naked.” It’s the truth. I’d squeezed myself into a pair of tight jeans and paired it with a loose backless halter top that dips dangerously low in front. There’s a lot of tape holding this top in place, and I’m not about to have him ripping it off before we have a chance to go out. My hair is curled in mermaid waves that frame my face, and my eye makeup is especially on point. We are going out, even if I’d love nothing more than to press my naked body against his.

He groans, but the smile on his face admits defeat. Still, he snakes his arms around my waist and draws me close. I inhale his cologne, a blend of smoky cedar and pine, as he buries his face in my neck. And damn, he feels so good. His hands cover the exposed part of my back, and for a moment I consider letting go of my resolve. But more important than being seen is the conversation I’ve been putting off. If we stay home, it will never happen.

He pulls away before I need to say anything, but the fire in his eyes is the same I feel inside.

“I know,” I say, touching his chest. “I want it too. But if we don’t leave right now, I’m going to waste this whole outfit.”

“Tempting,” he says, then laughs as he closes the door behind him and takes my hand.

We take Ethan’s car to the movies. He holds my hand in between shifting gears, as if he doesn’t want to lose contact with me. I catch him glancing at me every now, when he thinks I’m not looking. I have to fight hard to hide my smile. I like that he looks at me, that he thinks I’m pretty.

The movie is okay. I let him pick, and he chose a lighthearted rom-com that had just hit theaters. I know he did it for me, and I think it’s sweet. Normally, I’d be all over this movie too. But I’m too distracted by my nerves to actually follow the plot. I feel pulled in a million different directions as I consider how I’m going to tell him, what his reaction will be, and if this is actually a smart move.

But even bigger is my fear that I’m making the worst mistake. I swore I wouldn’t do this to Finn. While he’s small, it was always supposed to be just me and him. Even keeping my dating life secret has taken a toll on life at home. I mean, I don’t think Finn knows. But I do. I know how much I look forward to Finn leaving for school because it means I get alone time with Ethan, and that makes me feel terrible. And what is Finn thinking tonight? I know he likes being with Aunt Maren, but he must wonder what I’m doing when I’m not there.

Before Ethan came into the picture, everything was so uncomplicated. My focus was on Finn and my work, and that was it. But now I’m trying to juggle all these parts of my life so that Ethan can fit into this separate compartment. If it’s this hard now, how much harder will it be trying to merge as a family?

Just that thought sends me into a new spiral. A family. I know Ethan doesn’t want kids, and the trauma he went through with his own dad isn’t going to go away overnight. But the thing is, he has a kid. And the longer I keep this secret, the longer I’m denying him the chance to make the choice for himself. But before I can tell him, he has to meet Finn. But if he meets Finn and then breaks things off, he’ll shatter both of our hearts.

There’s the crux of it. He deserves to know. I need to take the steps toward telling him the truth, starting with him meeting Finn. But I’m terrified he’s going to let us down. I’m afraid of offering him the last part of my heart, because I don’t know what he’ll do with it.

I glance at Ethan now. His eyes are glassy, and I realize he’s fighting back tears. I’m alarmed for a second, but then remember the movie I’m supposed to be watching. I look at the screen just in time to see a tearful goodbye between the main characters. I can’t help peeking at Ethan again. The whole time I’ve been stuck in my head, I’ve completely missed out on seeing this man beside me transform from this sexy guy covered in tattoos, who has gotten to know me through hot dogs and books, to this apparently sensitive man who tears up at movies. It makes him so much sexier.

I lace my fingers through his, and his eyes dart to mine.

“Need a tissue?” I ask.

“Shut up,” he says, flashing me a watery grin.

I resolve to stay out of my head for the rest of the movie, and even feel a little misty when the couple on the screen reunites at the end. But it’s at the end of the movie where I see who Ethan is as he picks up our empty popcorn container and soda cup, carrying it to the garbage before we leave, even though everyone else leaves there mess for the ushers to clean up. It’s a silly little thing, but to me, it speaks volumes about who Ethan is and the man I’ve gotten to know over the past few weeks.

Ethan chose this movie for me. He has been working around my schedule to be with me. He’s respected every single one of my boundaries when it comes to Finn, and—even though he said he doesn’t want kids—he’s still pursuing me, knowing full well that I’m a package deal.

If that doesn’t mean something, I don’t know what does.

Chapter 15

“What?” Ethan sets his menu down in the restaurant, giving me a quizzical smile. I realize I’ve been staring. I haven’t even decided what to eat yet, and I can’t stop looking at him. All the nerves I felt before have made way for excitement. I can’t wait to ask him to meet Finn.

“Nothing,” I say, ducking behind my menu. He pulls it down before I can read the first entree.

“Claire.”

“Ethan.” I smirk at him, trying to play coy. I feel it’s only proper to wait until we have food in front of us. But the way he’s staring at me, I’m not sure I can wait that long. Thankfully, the approaching waitress keeps me from blurting out my question.

“Are you ready?” she asks.

“You go first,” I tell Ethan as I speed through the menu options. As he orders, I decide on a burger with fries and a Manhattan to give me liquid courage. However, once she leaves, Ethan looks at me expectedly.

---