Page 38 of Masquerade Mistake

“I have something to ask you, and it’s kind of a big deal.” I twist my napkin in my lap, the nerves suddenly back. He sips his water, but his eyes never leave my face. “I’ve been waiting a while to ask you this because I needed to be sure.” I pause for a moment as I consider how to frame this question. Talk about my childhood with an absent mom? Share my vow to remain single until Finn was out of the house? The fact that he’s the first man I’ve wanted to be in Finn’s life?

It’s then that I notice the discomfort in Ethan’s eyes. It’s brief, only a fraction of a second, but I catch it. A shift in his gaze from my face to the door. The way he loosens his shirt at his neckline. How he inhales heavily as if he knows what I’m going to say.

“Thing is, I haven’t dated since, well, you know. And I thought I wouldn’t again until Finn was out of the house.” I’m watching Ethan carefully as I speak, wondering if I’m imaging the sweat on his brow or how he’s fidgeting.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

“Oh, yeah. I’m fine. It’s just warm in here. Are you warm?” He looks around again, as if searching for a cool breeze.

“Not especially,” I say, which is the truth. My cute top is covered up by a sweater I brought along because this restaurant must believe food is better served in the Arctic.

“Sorry, go on,” he says, just as the waitress arrives with our drinks. He grabs his and guzzles half of it before I’ve even had my first sip.

“I guess I’m just asking if you’d like to meet—”

“I don’t feel so well,” Ethan says, then rushes from the table as he makes a beeline for the bathroom.

He’s in there for a while. Long enough that I finish one drink, and order another when the waitress arrives with the appetizer. It’s fried calamari, one of my favorites, but right now the dish tastes like cardboard. I snack on it anyway, looking out the window as I wait.

“Sorry about that,” Ethan says, sitting back in his chair. I keep looking out the window, taking a slow sip of my drink. “Hey,” he says, and I glance at him. “What did you want to say?”

“It’s nothing.” I turn back to the window. This was a mistake. Not just the whole plan to ask him to meet Finn, but all of it. I knew better. As soon as he told me he didn’t want kids, it should have been over.

“Claire.”

I look at him again, but this time I notice how pale his face is. Beads of sweat cover his forehead, and he dabs at them with his napkin.

“Are you okay?” I ask. I lean forward, noting the tightness of his mouth.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s going on,” he says, and I don’t miss the flash of fear that crosses his face. “I’m afraid if we don’t leave right now, I’m going to get sick again.”

“Go,” I say, not wanting to see him throw up. “Find the car, and I’ll meet you there after I settle the bill.” He starts to pull out his wallet, but I stop him, urging him out the door. He rushes out as I flag down the waitress and explain the situation. Luckily, they hadn’t fired up our dinners yet, so I pay for what we were served and then head to the parking garage.

Ethan’s driver’s side door is open and he’s sitting sideways with his feet on the concrete, his head hanging in his hands.

“Do you want me to drive?” I ask, placing a hand on his back. He jerks slightly, but then relaxes when he sees it’s me.

“I’m okay to drive,” he says. “I just got claustrophobic for a moment.”

We drive in silence, the windows down and the radio off. I’m still not sure what to think. Is he sick? Or is he reacting to what I was obviously going to ask him? Whatever it is, I’m not going to find out tonight. We pull up to his house, and he doesn’t even look at me as he unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out. I step out of the car, waiting to see if he’ll lead the way to the house. Instead, he embraces me, giving me a kiss on the top of my head.

“Sorry tonight didn’t turn out the way we planned.”

You have no idea. This is a goodbye, if I ever saw one. I pull away and offer a smile, hiding the thoughts racing through my mind.

“Get some rest, okay?”

He nods, squeezing my hand before heading toward his home. He doesn’t even look back at me or wait until I’m in the car.

I drive home, my mind a jumbled mess as I try to sort out what just happened. He was fine at the movies. He was fine when we sat down for dinner. It wasn’t until I started to bring up Finn that he acted this way.

Suddenly, I’m angry. What did he expect would happen if he dated me? Did he believe he’d just keep dating me and never meet my son? If he has such a problem with kids, why didn’t he end it the moment he found out I have one?

I pull over to the side of the road and bang my hands against the wheel. What was I thinking? Why didn’t I end it at that moment?

Because I wanted him to meet Finn. Because I believed he’d fall in love with the son he never knew he had.

But now, it’s obvious this is never going to happen unless I just rip off the damn Band-Aid.

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